Hello, new here. I have filed for a divorce from my husband as of mid June. He was served papers July 13.
Back story:
I was 19 when we started "casually" dating. I was overweight, insecure, and he accepted me for me. There were plenty of things that I didn't approve of or find attractive but I look back now and know I was young and didn't know what I wanted out of a spouse later in life. We had a lot of fun, I went to college and he stayed working for his dad's framing company. We moved into an apartment together for a short time but me in nursing school made it hard to make ends meet and he would sometimes go without work for various reasons. We decided to move back into our own parents homes while I continued college. During this time his best friend died of an overdose and he became very depressed. Once I was out of school I purchased my first home! Yay me! Got my first new car on my own as well. He moved in (still not even engaged) and I just assumed it would get better and would grow up. Since the beginning of our relationship there has been issues with marijuana, keeping a job, and having goals. I ignored them all.
Fast forward a bit...he gets clean, gets a job in the then booming oil field! Yay! Pause...he quits 3 days into it. I kick him out for a week and contemplate my next step. He says all the right things and we move forward to getting engaged in the next 6 months. Ok I forgive all previous grievances and try to move on. Being engaged was fine. He started working for a small business but with opportunity for advancement, still smoking weed though (always had an excuse for it).
We marry in October 2012...convinced he would quit smoking and grow up then....December 2012 pregnant with my baby girl! Everything is alright, he will quit when she gets here. September 2013 he QUITS his job with me 4 weeks from my due date! October 8th she arrives, happiest day of my life! I had saved up enough PTO to last 10 weeks thankfully. He didn't have a job for the first 4 months of her life....Feb 2014 i leave for the first time....only for a week...came home, thought he was clean, he got a job with his brothers small business and things were okay I guess. I continued to make excuses for his absence at my family functions, birthday parties of my friends and their kids, etc.
This past year things became so much worse...September he ruined a trip we had planned for my sister's 21st birthday because he again didn't feel well....after a long fight he sucked it up and we tried to salvage the trip. That evening he thought he saw a man talking to me while i got a drink....he must have been blind, i have no idea what he was talking about but he got angry and left me with my family at the casino. We drove home in silence and since then he has accused me of cheating. Shortly after, we became pregnant only to miscarry at the beginning of November. It tore me apart, bad. We continued to try and work through our differences and I had a wedding to shoot (side job) in Feb in Colorado...we agreed it would give us some time for each other. Me not thinking that weed was now legal there. I was miserable and wanted to come home to my baby girl.
After this trip I began to wonder what my life would be like on my own. I wanted it to work for my daughter but I had been ignored for the past 2 years by my husband who stated he had to "work late" at the shop to finish things up. What he was doing was hanging around to get high and hang out because after my daughter arrived I refused to let it be in my house. March 2016 I stayed with my mom for 3 weeks. I started counseling. I asked him to go. He went to the first one and I decided to go home and continue the process. The first session was on a Thursday evening...the following Sunday he decided he didn't want to get up and listen to me complain, so he stayed in bed. (in 2.5 years of our daughters life, he has never gotten up in the morning before HE was ready).
This was it for me.....so I thought.....I couldn't get out of my head how there was good things, he loved our daughter even though he never really did financially provide....he isn't that bad as far as he never cheated, he accepted me for me (i have now lost 110 lbs), never physically abused me...all in all i just figured it could always be worse.
I finally had enough, I don't know what it was but i couldn't give anymore and I knew it. I told the attorney that I had spoke with in April to go ahead with the papers that I repeatedly put on hold.
July 13 he was served, July 14th I learned of an emotional affair that had started at the beginning of July....I was devastated. The things he said to her could have been some things that saved our marriage had I been enough for him.
Things are a mess. He refuses to leave the marital home even though he is now unemployed again. He says hes clean but I dont know that I believe that. I am paying all the bills for the home and childcare with the help of my parents. I had to move into the spare room because he wouldn't. He is angry and saying hurtful things constantly. I am waiting on my court date for temporary orders so I can get him out of the home. I bought the home prior to our wedding but we refinanced shortly before the wedding and placed him on the note. Only my name is on the deed but that is enough to allow him to stay without a court order.
I have so many things to be thankful for but I am angry! Constantly angry or upset. God's plan is the one that matters but I struggle to accept it. I don't even know if I have a question here other than that I need reassurance that I am doing to right things even if it means having to co-parent my daughter with him. I am scheduled for mediation next week but I am sure he will not agree to my request to leave the home, so I doubt that gets me anywhere. Any advice on how to handle this or how to move into acceptance please feel free to comment.

Hi ANH!
I am sorry for the things that have brought you here. I broke up your story as it was to hard to read. Posting shorter questions etc tends to get more responses.
I think you are doing the right thing, you can't be married to someone addicted to drugs or alcohol. It just never works! Plus, he is already engaging in affairs.

(I would buy the book Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders. I think it would explain to you a lot about what has happened in your relationship)

So: Yes, at court you can get a retraining order (its different kind than for abusers) kicking him out of the home and barring him near it. I don't know why his agreeing or not would matter.

You should ABSOLUTELY order drug test and bring up drugs during the court hearing saying he isn't safe with your DD until he can prove he isn't using. What does your lawyer say about this?
This is one reason the house needs to be given to you.... he is on drugs. Say this a zillion times so that they get it.
It should be listed as a reason for divorce! Do not hide this from anyone anymore.

Plan B would be to never see or talk to him again. (its called parallel parenting) and will help you heal quickly. I would study to see why you picked someone who acts like him and overcome it!

I am sorry he is being so hard right now, but as soon as he is out of the house - you can plan B him. If you hit the search feature, you can pull up several links all about it.

Read this. How to Plan B Correctly Read the parallel parenting thread.

Also, you need to expose his affair.