I don't think you should enable her to continue her affair.

I agree. But it technically is her IPad. Even though the speakers are broken and she rarely ever used it before.

Can you slip some spy wear onto it without her knowing?

If you plan to stay married, do not take on a job that has any risk of you being separated overnight. Military marriages suffer because of that separation -- Dr. Harley has not been able to successfully help them.

How many months have you been in Plan A now?

Plan A has been 3 and a half months. October 1st will make 6 months.

I was looking at the air force because it appears I woukd be home every night. I have to talk to the recruiter some more though to make sure. I agree about overnight seperation.

I was looking into putting spyware on the iPad. But it's not possible because of the operating system on it. I have to wait until someone comes up with a way to jailbreak the software that it has. One of the big problems is that all of her devices are from Apple. It seems those are very hard to put spyware on, according to my research.

I reached out to her 2 friends that I forgot to expose to in the initial exposure, but they haven't answered yet.

I don't understand why, but for some reason I feel better whenever she is furious and yelling and hateful. I guess it helps me to see she is being unreasonable and in the fog. But so far this time she is being relatively calm. That makes me a little more worried.

Any recruiter who tells you that without a doubt you will be home EVERY night as a military member is a liar and should NOT be trusted. There is NO job in any of the military branches that can guarantee you you'll be home every night and never go away. As a 7+ year military wife who also grew up in a military town, I can tell you that for a FACT. Its not possible. Period.

Thanks for telling me that Wounded.

We were supposed to take the kids to a birthday party today, but WW said she didn't want me to go and went without me. So I texted her sister to say, "I just wanted to let you know I am not coming to the party because WW doesn't want me to. She is mad that I found out she has been talking to OM using her mom's phone and has been talking the whole time we were on vacation and ever since. So that is the real reason. I didn't want her ro lie to you and say something else."
Her sister said "I understand".
15 minutes later, WW came home cursing and raising hell in front of the kids saying they are no longer invited to the party and that she is now going to have my phone disconnected and wants me to leave the house. I politely declined to leave. She got madder and said she really came home because they wanted her to come.get the baby from me because they didn't want me to drop him off at the party and cause a big scene.
I assume she is lying about that last part, because I had just told her sister I wasn't coming and WW had already told me she was going to come.pick the baby up.
She is furious though. And was crying and saying she had only been home because she feels sorry for me and because I have no where else to live.

Kudos to your sister-in-law for apparently calling her out!
The sooner you move, the better for everybody.

Stick it out the full 6 months. October will be here before you know it. In 3 months, if she's still in contact, you can go to Plan B knowing you did your best.

If I were you, I'd somehow "misplace" the ipad for good.

She changed all of her passwords yesterday and said she is getting a divorce monday. She was mad because her family found out about the resuming of the affair.

Today she came over for a little while and was clearly depressed and sad. She wasn't being mean or hostile though. I went about my business being nice and cleaning the house and playing with the kids. Then she said she was going back to her mom's to spend the night, I told her she was welcome to stay here. She said I am serious that I am going to the lawyer tomorrow. I just replied ok.

The teacher of our martial arts class, who is someone we both admire and respect greatly, is supposed to talk to her for me tomorrow. He said his goal is the same as mine, to save my marriage. We coukdnt decide if I shoukd tell WW yet, or just let him suprise her tomorrow. I still don't know. I think I shoukd tell her I talked to him, while she is still depressed, so that will compound the situation. But then she may refuse to speak to him tomorrow.

Anyway, if we make it thru all this and she comes back home, maybe that can be the catalyst to get her to agree to move with me finally.

Please keep praying for me and my wife and 2 kids.

She hasn't asked about the iPad anymore, but it's useless now that she changed her passwords. I will still keep it hidden in case I am eventually able to find spyware for it.

I overheard WW and OM talking on the VAR yesterday. She was complaining that she shoukd have divorced when she had the chance before trying to reconcile. She said now she feels bad because everyone sees her as the bad guy. So I guess that's good.
I had to take the VAR out to charge the batteries and I'm not sure when I can put it back.

Woukd it be a good idea to hint to WW that I can hear her conversations? She was paranoid before that I coukd do that but she forgot I guess. I think it woukd be good to have her worry that I'm listening everytime they talk. And I am tired of listening to the VAR. It's painful and it's fairly useless now that she is staying at her mom's and openly talking to OM.

She has been staying with her mom for a week now. She changed the password on the bank account so I can't see how much we have. I doubt she is going to put her check in there to help pay bills. Eventually I will run out of money since I can't afford to pay all the bills and feed the kids on just my income. What am I supposed to do? The house is in her name, but was bought after we married. So it's half my house.

Should I stop my direct deposit and cash my paycheck and just not pay the mortgage if that time comes? I can pay all the other bills, just not the mortgage. I can let her worry about that I guess.

1. Call or go into bank and get new password. Or just open your own account. Yes, its time to cut her out. Plan A doesn't say you can't protect yourself.

2. Time to talk to a lawyer-sorry.

3. I wouldn't pay mortgage and make sure you and kids have food etc first. Yes-let her worry about it.

And I would absolutely stop your direct deposit. GEt access to this account, but open a new account and start putting your money in it.

You can tell her you know she is still talking to OM. I wouldn't hint -- I'd out right tell her you know, and that it hurts you terribly and you need it to stop.

Listening to the VAR from yesterday, I heard her telling the whole story to her friend about why she resumed the affair and left home to stay with her mom. She justified it all very well, which makes me feel terrible. But she also said she is having trouble letting go of the marriage and filing for divorce, and she said she doesn't know why it is so hard. She said she doesn't want to hurt me and the kids any further (she cried as she said this), and she also said it's hard because I have become a much better husband since all this began. She said "he has been the perfect husband since finding out about the affair, except for the spying". And she said she feels bad because I am still trying to win her back and telling her everyday that I love her a lot and want to create a romantic marriage.

So it sounds like the Plan A is causing her a lot of turmoil and working like it's supposed to. But it's painful hearing her justify leaving her family at home to continue the affair uninterrupted.

She seemed depressed a little when I saw her for 10 minutes this evening. So I guess that's a good sign.

I guess if she comes home this time before my plan A is finished and decides to give the marriage a real chance, I can use that momentum to get her to move with me.

But I noticed it is a lot easier to do the plan A this time, since this is my second time going thru a seperation like this with her. But it's still very painful.

Man, last night and this morning when she called she was very depressed and stressed out. Last thing she mentioned was she was trying to get an apartment and the stress is making her want to kill herself.

She texted an hour ago and said her job approved her for the free apartment. She was being super nice asking if I wanted to just refinance the house in my name and keep it. And she woukd still help pay and help pick up kids and school and drop them off. I told her that it will still be hard on the kids not getting to see each parent for a week at a time. She just said that she is doing everything she can to make it easy on me and not take anything from me. And that I just need to accept it and be civil for the kids. I said me and the kids and her all lose, the only person who will benefit from this is OM, because he can move out from his mom's house and live with her in the apartment.
She said this is between me and her and has nothing to do with OM.

It makes me so mad how all of a sudden she is trying to act like she is such a generous person. After I did a nearly flawless plan A for 4 months while getting yelled at and called every name in the book. Now she wants to be civil.

It hurts so much more whenever she is calm and nice about splitting up. Like it doesn't bother her one bit. I actually feel better when she is trying to be mean and hurt me purposefully, because it makes her look crazy.

Is this typical for waywards, to be super nice and accommodating after being the most hateful person in the world just this morning?

Sorry for the long pointless rant, but I had to get this out there. I was feeling strong and honorable all day until she texted me and acted like she is such a great person for being willing to give up everything for the sake of not hurting me. Now I have to be sad and angry for a while until I am able to build myself back up again.