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Should I get them fired? He may never forgive me

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Originally Posted by Bristol
Should I get them fired? He may never forgive me

Do they work together? If so, you should most certainly expose at work. You should expose the affair wide and far. You don't need his forgiveness, you need him to end his affair, which he is unlikely to ever do if the affair is kept secret. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so exposing them hastens their death.

Although a long shot at this point, your BEST SHOT is to expose the crap out of the affair, especially to the OW's friends and family, and then go into a dark Plan B. Exposing the


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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p.s. you don't have the power to fire anyone. If they are fired it will be because of unprofessional behavior.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I don't know any of her friends or family, only know who her ex husband is. The only thing I have is their work. But he's the head of the company with only one person above him and they are buddies. I'm not sure it will accomplish anything but get him to hate me. i think they'd like having it out in the open so they don't have to hide it any more

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My kids know and they basically accept it. I think there so used to friends with divorced parents. He knows I've told the kids but nobody says anything about it. Should I call him out and have an intervention in front of them? They may just say go get a divorce

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I need to hear from those of you who have done this and how it's worked out for you. Please share your success stories

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What are you going to call him out on? He already knows he is having an affair.

The goal of exposure is to put pressure on the affair. But the second goal is to get the truth out, because up until now everyone around them has been being fed lies. Keeping it a secret only enables the affair, it does nothing to destroy the affair. Do you want to enable it and help it along, or destroy it?

You have been dealing with this for so long, it is clear you are not thinking logically but rather based on fear. Fear that he will choose her, fear that he will hate you. You need to expose this affair fully, and then go into a dark Plan B. The beauty of Plan B is that you can clear your head and how your WH or anyone associated with him thinks will no longer be your concern.

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In 6 years on this board, I have never once heard someone say they regretted exposure.

I have heard many people say they regret not exposing as advised. Usually they are advised to expose but out of fear, choose not too. They come back months later and they are having mental and physical health issues from the stress, and the marriage is ending due to the affair.

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Originally Posted by Bristol
My kids know and they basically accept it. I think there so used to friends with divorced parents. He knows I've told the kids but nobody says anything about it. Should I call him out and have an intervention in front of them? They may just say go get a divorce

It is very sad that your kids accept that this is normal acceptable behavior. It is not normal or healthy behavior in a relationship. You need to start making decisions that show them that this is not acceptable behavior.

How old are your kids and what have you told them? Who else have you exposed to?

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Bristol, were you on Dr. Harley's radio show? If so, what day?

Did you speak with Dr. Bill Harley or with his son Steve Harley, Marriage Builders counselor?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by Bristol
I don't know any of her friends or family, only know who her ex husband is.

But you can find out.

Quote
The only thing I have is their work. But he's the head of the company with only one person above him and they are buddies. I'm not sure it will accomplish anything but get him to hate me. i think they'd like having it out in the open so they don't have to hide it any more

It will accomplish exposure at work. That will harm the affair. Affairs are no fun when people are looking. If you are interested in saving your marriage, you need to expose it at the workplace. It will inflict a great blow to the affair.

And your husband will get his anger once the affair dies out.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Bristol
My kids know and they basically accept it. I think there so used to friends with divorced parents. He knows I've told the kids but nobody says anything about it. Should I call him out and have an intervention in front of them? They may just say go get a divorce

They are used to adultery? Have they been taught that adultery is acceptable? No, you shouldn't call him out and have an intervention, you should expose the affair and go into Plan B.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Bristol
I need to hear from those of you who have done this and how it's worked out for you. Please share your success stories

All of us who are in recovered marriages attribute it to exposure. This advice comes from Dr Harley, but i think you know this.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by unwritten
Originally Posted by Bristol
My kids know and they basically accept it. I think there so used to friends with divorced parents. He knows I've told the kids but nobody says anything about it. Should I call him out and have an intervention in front of them? They may just say go get a divorce

It is very sad that your kids accept that this is normal acceptable behavior. It is not normal or healthy behavior in a relationship. You need to start making decisions that show them that this is not acceptable behavior.

How old are your kids and what have you told them? Who else have you exposed to?

It is so very sad. I was also corrupted when I was a child by a father who was an adulterer. It truly gives kids a warped, confused "moral" outlook.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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When I say call him out, I mean should I say in front of my college and high school age kids , you've been having an affair and we all know about it and won't tolerate it any more. Until you end the other relationship in writing, we are separating and will have no further contact.

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I told my kids just days ago and one told me she knew months ago because she saw him texting the ow.

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Originally Posted by Bristol
When I say call him out, I mean should I say in front of my college and high school age kids , you've been having an affair and we all know about it and won't tolerate it any more. Until you end the other relationship in writing, we are separating and will have no further contact.

A better approach is to expose his affair and ask your family and friends to use their influence to persuade him to stop He already knows he is having an affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Please share specifics of how it worked for you.

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Originally Posted by Bristol
I told my kids just days ago and one told me she knew months ago because she saw him texting the ow.

Have they confronted their father yet?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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All I have is my kids.

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