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No I haven't been on his show but I've listened once. I've had a few sessions w him
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When? What did you say? Are you going to expose at their jobs?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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No I haven't been on his show but I've listened once. I've had a few sessions w him A few sessions with Dr. Harley or Steve Harley?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Now I sent my separation letter and he's telling me he wants a divorce. I don't think this was the right move for us
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No I haven't been on his show but I've listened once. I've had a few sessions w him Did you speak with Dr. Bill Harley or with his son Steve Harley, Marriage Builders counselor? I would really encourage you to get the app and listen to the daily radio show. Will you do this? It's completely free, and I think you need the help. (I know I did!)
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Now I sent my separation letter and he's telling me he wants a divorce. I don't think this was the right move for us I agree that was not the right move. I didn't tell you to send a "separation letter." Are you reading my posts? Are you able to follow a plan? I ask this sincerely because you have been at battle for a very long time and that takes a serious toll on the mind. Have you considered getting on anti-depressants?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Please read and respond: I just told him to pull the plug on the house. I started plan B. I told him we have to separate until he decides to make things right by ending the relationship with the OW. Now what? Do I immediately go dark? Do I give him a few days to find a place ? Do I leave while he gets his things packed? Ma'am, you are going to have to slow down here and be more strategic. You don't even understand what Plan B IS and aren't prepared for it. Plan B is to go completely DARK without notice. You can't do that if he lives there. You would FIRST ask him to end all contact with his OW immediately and never ever see or speak to her again. He would need to commit to the extraordinary precautions [pg 67 in Surviving an Affair] and go through a program of recovery with you. None of this is negotiable. He would have to take a leave of absense from his job and never return to that company again. When he refuses to do this, you should ask him to move out immediately. Once he moves out you can go into Plan B. You would initiate Plan B by sending him a letter as outlined in Surviving an Affair. Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Now I sent my separation letter and he's telling me he wants a divorce. I don't think this was the right move for us Bristol, what do you mean "us"? There is no "us" in your marriage, Bristol. This is not a man who is joined to you - this is a man who hates you. I think the big problem here is that you cannot see yourself without this guy, even just temporarily. That's terribly frightening to see, because it means that he can do whatever he wants to you and you will just take it. If he were a mass murderer you would still be trying to win him back.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Bristol, we truly want to help you but we can't do that if you can't follow a plan. I understand completely how traumatized you are. This is why it is so critical to be able to follow a plan from people who are not traumatized. You have to be able to put aside your emotions and follow a plan. Do you think you can do that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Bristol, slow down and read what people are writing to you. Answer the questions that are asked so people don't have to ask them again - and think about the answers you are giving. Most of the answers point to something that you need to be doing. Put those things on your to do list.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Bristol, you are in very very good hands with MelodyLane. She truly cares about people who are in your situation, and she has been studying Dr. Harley's books, articles, and radio show for over a decade, and helping couples with this material all this time.
This is almost as good as having Dr. Harley himself here to help you.
If you will slow down and listen and follow the plan that MelodyLane is trying to help you with, you will come through this okay. You will end up in "happily ever after." That's really what we do here "happily ever after." We don't want you stuck miserable alone and we don't want you stuck miserable married to a man who is actively hating and killing you and having an affair and rubbing your nose in it. MelodyLane can help you get to happy if you can slow down and read what she is saying and follow closely.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Yes, but I thought I was following the plan. Steve told me to ask my husband to end all contact with the OW. That was a week ago. He refused. So Steve said to tell him we should separate instead of buying the new home. I just did that.
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Ok thank you I am trying . Where am I going wrong?
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Okay, so you've told your husband you aren't going to buy the new home with him. What is he going to do at this point? Move without you, or try to stay with you?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Now I sent my separation letter and he's telling me he wants a divorce. I don't think this was the right move for us I agree that was not the right move. I didn't tell you to send a "separation letter." Are you reading my posts? Are you able to follow a plan? I ask this sincerely because you have been at battle for a very long time and that takes a serious toll on the mind. Have you considered getting on anti-depressants? Yes I'm taking St. John's wort
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Okay, so you've told your husband you aren't going to buy the new home with him. What is he going to do at this point? Move without you, or try to stay with you? Move without me but first he needs to find a place
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I have a call with Steve in 15
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I'm a bit confused - if you've already signed for the house, why does he need to find a place?
Also, I would see a doctor and get on real medical antidepressants for awhile. They will help you get yourself oriented to work a plan that will make your situation better. Your regular doctor can prescribe antidepressants; you don't need a therapist or psychiatrist. I did it for awhile when things were terrible and it was very helpful.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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