That looks pretty good for starters, IF! Be sure and start looking for Dr. Harley's recommendations for what to do if she won't go along with specific things you have listed here.

Good news, she read the UA section of the book and while she re-stated that she feels we are getting plenty of intimate conversation and affection time she agreed that we could see if more would be better and we are sitting down 3:30 on Sunday to do the worksheet and make the plan for UA time...yay!

I focused my reading in LB on DJ's and I'm not seeing it line up. Our process we've used for years on any difference of opinion is what we call "raising awareness" where we each consider that the other person has a differing view for what they feel is a legit reason and we need to understand their view FIRST and why, then share our view and why, and then seek further evidence/clarification/objectivity to see if there is common ground. Frequently I come her direction and frequently she comes mine and more rare but sometimes neither of us sees enough to move much and we have to let it rest. It's all done with lots of listening and no AO's or anything like that at all...occasionally it's emotional in terms of frustration or crying or whatever but it's always with love and compassion. We typically enter the convo with "I disagree, help me raise my awareness to how you see it" and sometimes it's quick and easy, sometimes it takes more than one sit down to hash it out, but it's mutual interest and common ground that rules the day.

This appears to be perfectly in alignment with Dr Harley's respectful persuasion rather than DJ? What am I missing? We plan to discuss this again on Sunday (tomorrow) to see if we can put our finger on anything here (again, she doesn't feel disrespected or judged by me and I don't by her). So if anybody has any more specific insight for me here that would be helpful. Thanks!

Your thread title alone is a disrespectful judgement.
Your first post was full of disrespectful judgements.
You are dismissive of her point of view.
Seeing how quickly you became combative with anonymous volunteers on this website, it is obvious you have a tendency towards disrespectful judgements.

Disrespectful Judgements are the hardest lovebuster to identify within ourselves. They are even hard to identify in our spouse when we are not used to looking for them. Often times, a wife may feel disconnected from her husband and she just cannot put a finger on to why that is. She doesn't realize that the reason is because her husband is disrespectful of her, and dismissive of her.

The solution is to embark on a journey of education. Listen to the radio show -- Dr. Harley talks about disrespect all the time. Listen to what he says is disrespectful (it's different than what you'll hear elsewhere). Read Lovebusters more than once. Listen to posters who tell you that you are being disrespectful, even if you don't fully understand how or why. This is going to take time to learn.

This is a red flag that there is disrespect going on.

You should try out Dr. Harley's negotiation process. The first guideline is to keep negotiations pleasant and safe. There shouldn't ever be crying. Don't make your wife cry!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_guide.html

Will your wife post here?

The paragraph I bolded sounds like a bundle of disrespectful judgments to me. Here is how I would hear it if I was your wife (Note, I am not saying you MEANT any of it this way, just telling you how I, as a wife, would feel.):

1. ...recent blow up at me over nothing... :

There is no such thing as a blow up over nothing. I am not saying her angry outburst was acceptable or okay, or that anything you did caused it. Perhaps she can't express the catalyst for it in words, but something caused her to feel extremely frustrated and angry.

Saying it was over "nothing" is incredibly dismissive and condescending.

If I had to guess, I'd guess that you are big on "logic" and she is perceiving that if she cannot defend her feelings logically you do not find them legitimate. Which will make her shut down and not want to try to tell you. Remember, the whole impetus for your thread is the idea that you are doing so much so well for her and she's not even really trying for you and that does not make sense to you. But you can't logic her into loving you with a score card.

2. ...having me share candidly with her that it just didn't make sense to me for two people in love to behave that way...

You "candidly" let her know she's not "behaving" well? I would feel like I was being treated like a recalcitrant child. I may agree with my spouse but I definitely would not feel more love or desire to be a better wife on the receiving end of that paternal, pedantic message.

3. ...caused her some real soul searching...

She finally decided to really look deep inside herself and see the error of her selfish, inferior ways and evolve into the light to be more like you, the superior, giving being.

4. ...One text she sent me today said "I Love You" first, without me saying it first...

This is more subtle, I know you're just reporting what happened, but it could also come across as "She hasn't been doing her job as a wife. I always have to say I love you first."

5. ...(which made it feel to me in the past like it was just a conditioned response rather than genuine)...

Assigning motives to your spouses actions and "mind reading" is disrespectful. (even if you're assumption turns out to be correct.)

6. ...I don't think she knew how much we both needed to "fall in love" again....

The ignorant dear didn't know what she needed, imagine what would become of her if she did not have you to enlighten her?
***************

Please Note: I believe it's almost impossible to seek help on here without expressing some DJ's - after all, people come here because they are dissatisfied with their marriage. I'm just giving you these examples because you asked. :-)

However, like someone else said, the fact that things have gotten emotional with crying, assuming she was the one crying, really is a red flag that there is a lot more frustration on her part than she is able/willing to express right now. Regardless of the discussion technique you described, she does not feel safe being completely candid with you about her feelings, or she really does not know what is wrong, but she is not currently in love with you and having a spouse repeatedly invalidate your feelings by logically explaining why they are baseless is one surefire way to make someone withdraw and not want to say what they are feeling.

I think the 20 hours UA will be awesome for your marraige. (I am trying to get myself and my H to do that even though I'm the one who does not feel in love and really does not want to devote the time because I know it will work.)