Not today but he will come see my son tomorrow .

Why not a legal separation?

The letter is pretty much identical to the on line version. I'm afraid since he knows I'm talking to Steve he could read a post and recognize the letter.

I don't have an intermediary yet. Who is typically used? A family member?

She told you this herself?

How long will he be there?

A divorce is much more effective because you will be divorced at the end if he doesn't meet your conditions. That is the ideal outcome if he does not. If he does meet your conditions you can just drop it. If you just file separation, you will have to start all over if you need to divorce him.

Yes, she told me this herself.

He will probably be here two days but I never know. He comes and goes as he pleases. Maybe next weekend too

WHAT online version? Can you post it? I need to see that you didn't leave any openings.

You need to also designate your IM in the letter, tell him what you expect from him financially and communicate your visitation plan. Since you have a high schooler, he can probably just contact the child directly to make arrangements.


Typically a friend is best. One who can agree to remain neutral and who will act as a SPAM filter. She would only pass on necessary financial/legal information and will not argue, lecture or pass on fogbabble to you. Do you have a female friend that has some balls?

He said he wants to separate but he also wants to buy the house. He wants to go work in it and after a few months maybe reevaluate if we should be together. If not he wants me to live there and he will get something else

That will work out in your favor. You can send him the letter AFTER he leaves and change the locks. OR you could slip the letter in his suitcase and text him after he leaves telling him it is there.

You will also need to block him from contacting you. For example, you can block his # on your phones and change your email address or block him. Try to anticipate every way he would try to reach you and block it off.

Yes I have a friend I could ask

Good! Go read this: Plan B

And ask your friend to read this: Intermediary Training School

Ok but I am still trying to give him a chance to end the relationship with the OW. Isn't that rushing it?

Bristol, you have given your WH MORE than enough time to end the affair.

He will have that chance in your Plan B. If he ends his affair and meets your conditions he can come back.

You gave him a chance to end his affair and he chose the OW. Time to wake your butt up, hun.

know I am at fault for so very much. I am truly sorry for my part in making an environment between us that helped lead to your affair. I wasn�t focused on the right things for you and for us, and I wasn�t paying attention to or understanding how I as your partner wasn�t fulfilling your needs. I wasn�t there for you when you needed me the most and now we�re both suffering for my mistake. I will do whatever it takes to learn from the mistakes I�ve made in the past, understand where I fell short and what I�m doing to hurt our relationship, and create a new life for both of us that will meet your most important needs. I want more than anything to give you the absolute best, most loving, caring environment that has your complete happiness all over it, but that�s not possible until you end your relationship.
This affair has been the most painful experience of my life and I can�t bear to continue to live like this anymore. Until it ends and you�re willing to help rebuild our relationship in a way we both want, I unfortunately need to step back and avoid any contact. I have been suffering so much because of your relationship, and I think you have seen the effect it�s had on me. I haven�t dealt well with this at all. I just can�t be with you any longer knowing that you are seeing each other. I still love you but can�t see you while this continues.
As soon as you are willing to put an end to that and join me in recreating a new relationship with me, I will be willing to talk about our future together. I so wanted to do that with you in our new home. Please understand that I want to preserve what�s between us, and hope we will be able to rebuild our marriage. I want us to be able to take care of each other and avoid doing things that hurt each other. I know we can build a new life together in a way that makes us both so happy. Nothing is more important to me than understanding that and getting it right. Then, there will never again be a reason for us to want anything else or to be separated like this. I want to be your best friend and lover, someone who is always there for you when you need me, and I want that from you too. I have cared for you for our entire lives including the day we married, and I still do. I would like nothing better than to take the absolute best care of you. But it is not possible for me to help you as long as you are in this relationship.

He hasn't left for her. He's still conflicted and going back and forth between us

He has chosen you BOTH. He is not "conflicted." YOU ARE.