I understand and have not tried to "talk sense", at least that I am aware.
Since the last advice about giving space, I have not tried to initiate contact, with the exception of today, as there were some other pressing needs that had to be resolved almost immediately.
I did respond a couple days ago to her sending me a flurry of messages.

I take her response to my question as an admission that it is a new affair.
The only people who know about this are myself and my oldest child.
I am wondering now if I should do anything else about it?

Were her parents receptive to you? You might go back to them and reiterate your appeal for them to support your marriage if she hasn't already turned them against you, but wide exposure isn't going to have the same effect in this situation, unfortunately. People in general frown upon affairs, but the general public doesn't consider it an affair if the couple has separated before the relationship begins. The divorce is a "technicality" in their minds in situations such as that.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. If you're still up to it, continue with Plan A, but there's no shame in protecting yourself by going into Plan B. Switching to Plan B doesn't mean you've given up. It just means you're protecting your own mental and physical health both for your own future and for a potential future with her.. When her affair(s) end and her world comes crashing down on her, you can still attempt reconciliation.

So is there no benefit to telling our children, friends, the OM's family?
Or, as I really want to do, go confront this new OM?
From what I have learned he is also married, same as the first OM.

It seems the last advice given to me pretty much equates to a Plan B. If I continue this, it will be an unannounced Plan B, with no letter sent, and likely little concern on my WW's part.
It seems she is already doing this to me from the moment this second affair began.
Without my initiating contact, there will be very little opportunities to make any deposits. So it's not really a correct "Plan A" or "Plan B" as described, but a waiting in limbo.
Although, I guess that is what is recommended I should be doing.

You should definitely tell the OM's wife if he is married (I'm assuming you have undeniable proof that she will be able to confirm). And you can tell your children what she is doing. No sense in keeping secrets. But her friends are more likely to view you as crazy since she moved out long ago. There's nothing wrong with telling people. I'm just letting you know it's unlikely to have the desired effect. If anything it may bring more people out of the woodwork to tickle her ears if they view you as crazy. In North Carolina where they still have alienation of affection lawsuits, it is not considered actionable if the married couple was separated before the affair began. You and I both know that morally it's stil adultery, but society doesn't see it that way. The point of exposure is to get support for yourself and to have people confront your WW and encourage her to work on the marriage. You have to ask yourself at this point if your exposure targets will accomplish either of those things.

You are correct that Plan A is typically for WWs that remain at home. It is much more difficult when they leave. It's also easier in a sense (at least in my case) since they aren't there rubbing it in your face on a daily basis. Plan A is to continue as long as you feel up to it. I never gave my ex a formal Plan B letter, but I verbally communicated to her on multiple occasions that I wanted to create a happy marriage with her. I even waited for 6 months after our divorce papers were signed, but after that time I no longer wished to reconcile, so when I cut off communication with her it was for good. If you still desire reconciliation when you need to go to Plan B for your own health, you should send her the formal Plan B letter.

What I have in regard to him being married is public records stating so. But I can find no trace of him on FB. I did find many relatives. If any of them are his wife, I do not know.
I believe I would only find out by asking some of them, or knocking on his door.

As for "undeniable proof" what I have are 1000's of texts back and forth at all hours of the day and night. Not the content of the messages, but the fact they are being sent.
I also have my WW's admission that she is carrying on with another man and that it is the same person as the messages sent back and forth.

* If I were to go to the OM's house, it would get back to my WW almost instantly.
At the same time, knowing who he is and where he is, is having a strong pull on me to go there and confront him.

In regard to our friends, most all are aware of my WW's first affair and definitely do not approve. My WW has alienated herself from almost all of them and they indicate they have no desire to associate with her. However, if she were to show up at any particular event (and it has happened once already), they would have no trouble acting as if nothing is wrong.

Two questions...

1:
I can also now show several examples of my WW being at this OM's home, including times and dates. This also includes a later PM hour yesterday.

The list of 1000's of texts.
My WW's admission.
Examples of her being at his home.

Is this enough to move on what I am wanting to do?
Expose this to his family members... or show up at his home and reveal what is happening and/ or confront him directly.

I would also like to inform my MiL of this new OM as I am almost positive my MiL is being lied to about my WW's comings and goings.

Or am I to continue holding?
I am struggling hard with the idea of doing nothing but allowing this to continue.


Question 2:

Recently I spoke of my WW's purchase a plane ticket in an attempt to meet up with the first OM, while he was temporarily on this side of the globe. I spoke of the other BS then confronting her WH about this and his angry denial.
When I saw my WW a couple days ago, her mother had already spoken to her about it and the fact that I told her mother about the purchase. My WW tried to tell me it was a trap for me to discover if I was watching her. She claimed the fact that she did not actually go on the flight was the proof that it was a fake and a trap.
I know full well it was a ridiculous lie as it contradicted her claim that she was no longer in contact with the first OM. It also makes no sense that she actually purchased and paid for the ticket. She also would have had no idea that I would speak with her mother and one of our children about it.
I do fully believe she did not go because of my actions and the fact that I, the OM's BS, and her own mother knew about it.

I do however believe she made this same claim of a "trap" to her mother and painted me as crazy. I have also learned that my WW researched transferring the date of the ticket to early next month. I then asked the OM's BS if she knew of any plan of her WH to return to this side of the planet during that same time. The other BS said her WH did in fact mention coming back during that time to "house sit for a friend".

Should I again return to my MiL's and tell her this is happening? It will be the third time going there in as many weeks.

If your MiL is opposed to your wife's pursuit of other men, then you should tell her about the new OM. Blood is thicker than water, though. Eventually your MiL will likely take her daughter's side and cut off contact with you. You're in the best position to know where you stand. Is your evidence enough to convince her? The volume of texts isn't proof, and your WW will simply deny the confession. The question will arise how you know she was at the new OM's house, and then you may be painted as an irrational stalker.

If you think that the Harley's misunderstood your situation, I encourage you to write them again and provide a very brief summary of the events up to the present. Then ask your question again.

New question.

Is it in the best interest to inform the other BS, from overseas, about this current affair? I am guessing it is not entirely unique to be in such a situation.
I am believing that it will have an effect if this first OM learned through his BS that my WW is in another affair, apart from him. But, it may also cause his BS to relax on trying to eliminate the contact that is still happening.

I don't think it would hurt. Hopefully it would cause some arguments between your WW and the OM. From what I've read the other BS couldn't be any less vigilant, so that's probably not a concern.

Thank you. I am now waiting for the appropriate time zone, from that part of the globe, to arrive and inform the other BS.

My next question, which I am hoping to gather advice, is about confronting this new OM. I have a strong desire to and am on the verge of going there, this day.
Is it recommended that I confront him?
If so, is there a suggestion on what to say?

I know that I would like to get angry, explain who I am and demand he stop. Ask about his own marital status, that he will be called into court if necessary... ect.
But I am unsure if this is the right thing to do.
(It will get back to my WW almost immediately)

I'm still uneasy about this. Dr Harley told me I needed enough proof to convince a jury before I exposed the affair. I'm not sure you have that. Could your WW be trying to set you up? I'll have to defer to the other more experienced posters on this one.

Is there a divorce in process? If not, why hasn't your WW filed? Is she content to be divorced in her mind but not on paper?

I am uneasy about it as well. But am very much ready to go to his residence.
It is likely not a set up. She does not realize I know where he is located. But I simply open my phone and it shows that.. Almost.. every other day she is there. Always in the morning hours, after dropping the kids off at school, or in the evening hours. Likely sneaking out of her mom's or giving a false excuse to leave at night. It is strange because, more often than not, it seems she only stops for a few minutes and then immediately travels the nearly 45 minutes back to her mothers.

There is no divorce in process.
Why she has not taken any steps to do so is confusing.
Over the course of this she has stated a few times that "it will happen in a couple months"... but has never taken a step to do so, nor do I see it happening.
I was/am holding on to the hope that it means there is a positive possibility in the future.

It could at the same time be as you say, she is content to be divorced in her mind but not on paper.
She left me with all the bills in life, including the mortgage. Took half our tax return and bought a new car, lives at her mothers million dollar house for free, snuck our children there without agreement, has no expenses, an overseas man still pining for her and now likely a local boyfriend (One married. The other almost certainly so).

I can only speculate, but it could be she thinks... "why hassle with a divorce. I have everything I want... and do not have to admit my infidelity" . Just pretending to be a single mother... with none of the expense.
Finding someone sleazy enough not to care about cheating with a married woman or on their own spouse.
It is only one speculation, but plausible.

I still hope and pray I am wrong with that possibility.

Can you hire a PI?

I don't think I can afford such a thing and still maintain life's expenses.
I do already have the ability to see where she is 24 hours a day, just through my phone.

* She spent 20 mins at the OM's house again this morning.
Each time I see this, I say to myself... "I am going to her mothers and inform her. I am going to this OM's house... both right now!"
I then pace for a few minutes and sit back down. I am certain very soon, within a few days if not before (today perhaps), I am doing it.
Knowing it continues, and doing nothing, is getting to be unbearable.

I have this OM's name, phone number, email address, home address.
I am also pretty sure I know where he works (a retail store).

Correction:
After checking again, she has not been to this OM's home "almost every other day"... but in fact (if it makes a difference) once or twice a day, every single day, for the past two weeks.
Including a full Saturday picking him up and going to a banquet hall for the entire day.

Can you follow her without being detected or have a Friend?

It be best if you can find the funds for a PI. Can you ask your parents for help?

I have been living at my parents for a few months now.
I could no longer handle being in our home alone.
They will not be able to help with such a thing.
In fact, my father gives me the "Be a man and just walk away" speech on nearly a daily basis. "Your kids don't want to be with you anymore. Your wife is a cheater"... "Just start a new life alone".

I would be able to follow her without being detected.
But what is my goal in doing so?
I know exactly where she is each day in real time.
Her mothers, work, our children's school (morning and afternoon) and now a stop at this OM's house once or twice a day.

That's it. Every day the same thing.

Something else I have thought of before informing the other BS (from overseas) about this new affair...

The other BS has very recently informed me that her WH is stating he is unsure if he wants to remain married. She has given him a deadline of one month to decide.

If her WH is informed of my WW's new affair, is there not a possibility of a reverse effect and he will actually become more bold in his efforts to pursue my WW, in the belief that I am no longer a concern?
I will in fact be a concern, but in his messed up thinking, it might cause him to pursue her even harder(?)

Should I still go through with informing her?

You following her would be that you catch her at this new OM's house and then you could expose the affair to OM's BW. You need to get more evidence of the affair so you can expose this new OM.

I am about at my breaking point on confronting this OM.

Today, she again went to this OM's house, after dropping our children off at school this morning. It is happening every day. WW works 2nd shift and has frequently been going there a second time after work, in the 9 to 11 PM hours. Each visit, spending about 20-30 minutes there.
Due to my complete trust in her I was completely unaware of her first affair, happening right under my nose, for three years and it caused the situation I/ we are now in. This time I have the ability to try and stop this in its early stage.

It gets worse...

Today was pretty devastating.
This afternoon, during the lunch hour, I was at home to pick up mail, as I had the day off work. I glanced at my phone and saw that only a short while before she was again at this OM's house. It showed that at that very minute she was at a fast food place only a couple minutes away.

I drove there.
I saw them.

I saw them coming out of the place, smiling/ laughing, then getting in her car and driving away.
They did not see me.

I know what is happening. She has admitted to what is happening.
I saw her infidelity with my own eyes for the first time today.
I almost made myself known and confronted them both, right then and there.

Because this OM is located only 10 minutes from home, after giving it a while, I then drove to his house (her car was not there). I got as far as the driveway and turned around. I did not know what to do.

I am feeling very helpless, confused, angry and scared right now.
I don't know if I should tell her I saw them.
I don't know if I should go to the OM's house tomorrow.
I would really appreciate some advice on my next step.

If I were to want to, I can likely easily catch them together.
I can also easily return and confront this OM alone.
Confronting him is what I really want to do... like today or tomorrow.

Public records show he is married.
I am not 100% sure this is true.
It could be that he is separated, divorced, or even that the record is incorrect.
I have leads on several of his possible family members, and a couple have accepted my FB friend request.