What this might give you is the chance that she'd move with you, if you could get the ball rolling on your own job transfer.

Yeah Road. OM did leave the job back in April. But some of WW's coworkers still communicate with him and he was able to tell them stuff, knowing they would pass it on to WW. And she was also able to pass info thru them to OM during our little false recovery period.

I thought about this helping with the move Sugarcane. I didn't say anything last night. I just listened to WW explain why she got fired and how she had never done anything wrong at that job (she didn't mention the affair for some reason), and I tried to be nice and agree with her and comfort her. But she wasn't worried too much because she was still angry and she also found a ton of similar jobs ro apply for. She had an attitude like "good riddance".

Today is a different story. She called me crying earlier because some of the jobs she applied for called wanting a refrence, but she can't give them one because she threw a fit when she got fired and cussed out everyone and emailed a mean letter to the owner and every employee. She didn't just burn the bridge, she nuked it and urinated on the ashes.

I didn't mention the affair yesterday either. I figured since she was mad at the entire world, mentioning ending the affair would cause her to turn against me.

It's funny though, because at the beginning of our false recovery she told me that if I got fired from my job she was going to divorce me. And before D-day she got off my insurance and got her own at her job in anticipation of divorcing me. Now she isn't mentioning divorce at all and told me (TOLD, didn't ask or beg) to put her back on my insurance.

I want to tell her that the affair was the start of her downward spiral at work, and remind her what she said she woukd do if I got fired, and also tell her to end the affair and move away with me or I am leaving her to fend for herself. But how do I bring all this up without withdrawing too many love units?

You don't bring it up at all! Haven't you learned yet that lecturing her about the affair is a complete no no? Haven't people told you that, several times, on your thread? I think they have.

What you could do, while this is going on, is offer her a fresh start, where you both move away together. Be very positive, as if you are offering her a way out of her troubles. Do not use the tone you used in your last post, which sounded like a parent telling off a child.

Continue with your plan to move in with your parents meanwhile. If she does not accept your offer, you do what you planned to do.

I just found her talking to OM on the VAR yesterday. Sounded like they made up from their fight already.

I sent WW the following text "I see y'all made up from yalls fight Sunday. You have to end this affair. You are literally killing me." She sent back, "ok".

Can I tell her I am moving and I woukd like her to join me, or do I have to wait until everything is in place to tell her? I need to move quickly, I think, before she gets a new job and is no longer depressed.

Sounds good Sugarcane.

I listened to some more of the VAR from yesterday. The part I heard that made me angry this morning, quickly developed into a fight. WW was telling OM that she thinks she made a mistake by going back to him (after our false recovery). OM blew up and was yelling and cursing at WW and she was yelling back until one of them hung up.

There was some more on there about WW telling him she is tired of him throwing temper tantrums and whining like a B&!#@. So I bet I do look like a pretty good guy compared to OM always whining and complaining.

So it definitely looks like the affair is dying.

I used Sugarcane's advice and messaged WW that we can move and have a fresh start anywhere we want to go and that we can have a romantic marriage and all that stuff. I told her to just think about it.

So things are looking up right now. If I can just get her to move away.

When do you move in with your parents? Have you obtained legal advice?

I have an appointment with the lawyer Friday. I can move in with my parents as soon as I want. They are already expecting me any day.

WW told me yesterday that she told OM she wasnt speaking to him anymore. I'm not sure if it's true though. But she still was questioning me last night about how do I think we will ever recover the marriage and saying that I am never going to be able to trust her. She was also very depressed about losing her job. She said I have just been trying to save the marriage because I was scared of trying to survive on my own, and that since she lost her job I am going to be mean and demanding of her. I told her I am going to continue being exactly the same as I have been.

Should I start telling her I need transparency or just stick to telling her we have to move? She hasn't responded at all to me saying we need to move yet.

She has an interview today and another tomorrow. So as soon as she gets a new job, I will probably lose this little window I have where she is depressed and possibly recognizing the problems caused by the affair.

Stick to your move.

Move!

Depending on the lawyer, I should be moved out by next week. I'm ready to leave now though.

I caught her talking to OM on the VAR again yesterday, a day after she told him and me she was stopping. I told her it hurts me and has to stop and we need to move and we can have an awesome romantic marriage. She wanted to know how I keep catching her, but I said I can't tell.

She also said I just have to trust her because she can't live with me controlling her by having transparency. I said trust is earned, and we have to have transparency to rebuild trust. I said we need to move too.

It's the same exact pattern we went through before starting our false recovery last time. But it still hurts having to keep going thru this and hearing her excuses.

WW had an interview yesterday that went well. She lied to the interviewer so they won't call the job she got fired from and found out how she threw a fit and almost got the police called. So she is feeling great and learned absolutely no lesson. Unless the interviewer lied and he really does call her old job. But from what she told me it sounds like she will probably get it.

As a person who has hired people, if a job applicant asked me if they call previous employers, an alarm bell would go off so loud that calling the previous employer would be the first thing I did after I walked the candidate out the door.

That's what I would do too. But WW said the guy asked her what happened and she said the boss and her had a disagreement. She said she was stressed and handled it very poorly, so the job would not give her a good refrence.

She said he told her he would just call her other job refrence instead and asked for that phone number. She said he was also making jokes about people flipping out after being fired. And he told her she was the "top candidate" so far.

If everything she told me is true, then this hiring guy is an idiot. Or he just said all that to be nice and does plan to check the refrence or not hire her at all.

Interviewers are trained to be nice at the closing and be neutral to prevent having to deal with the job candidate when they find out that thanks but no thanks.

I almost want to send an anonymous letter to the guy, just to let him know of the affair and everything. But that seems like a terrible thing to do.

Anonymous letters carry no weight so it will be ignored. Besides that is a bad idea.

I contacted OM's mom and a fee of his closest friends/family yesterday to tell them the affair had resumed. I got home from work about 1 hour after WW found out. She busted my car window, cut off my cell phone, threw my laptop in the sink and poured water on it, ripped the internet router out the wall and told our 5 year old to call me a "dumb motherf$#&er (he refused), and then she left the house. I took the kids to my parents so they woukd be safe when she returned. But she showed up at their house trying to take them back. So we finally got her to agree to let them stay with my parents and me and WW both went home.

She tried to fight some more and I tried my hardest not to argue back. I did argue a little, but at least I didn't get angry or raise my voice or say anything mean. I just argued that I didn't do it to hurt her or her reputation and that we could repair the marriage if she ends the affair.

We both went to bed and sometime in the night she scooted over to me and we snuggled until morning. That was the first bit of affection she has shown since well before D-day. This morning she was not talking at all, but eventually she cheered up and has been nice since then. The rest of the evening up until the present she has been acting depressed but still friendly to me. She also got my phone fixed for me and the internet router.

I had to call the lawyer and reschedule for next week though, because I left work late and got caught in traffic.

But it also looks like my parents don't agree with me trying to take the children. They believe WW can be reasoned with and should have 50/50 custody if we divorce. I may be able to change their minds if the lawyer has some good news though.

I think next weekend will be when I move out if everything goes well until then. That's also when I get paid, so I need to open my own account in the meantime.

WW just flew into another rage because OM texted her to complain that he is dealing with this mess now.
She said she told him she can't talk to him anymore but to protect him from me, and not because she wants to be with me.

What am I supposed to think about that? Is that a common thing for waywards to say?