Unwritten and Brainhurts - Yes, I've read Exposure 101 and the EPs. I posted this morning that I contacted his closest friends last night, they are like family to him, they are supportive and will be talking to him. His mother is elderly and somewhat estranged, is not on the internet and has no phone, writing a letter would be fine, but I have no wish to risk her health with an emotional upset, can I give her that consideration? Can you explain why telling his boss is needed if the OW wasn't at his workplace, is nowhere near it.

I am serious, but I will not put his job and our limited finances in jeopardy. We have no savings, nothing for even a month while he might look for a job/get a new paycheck. Its' not a job where he can cut back on hours, he's a truck driver, there are no shorter shifts. I'm not making excuses, these are serious concerns that I must consider alongside our marriage.

OMG! I didn't realize my husband was still logged in and I just posted under his name. Can those two be deleted so I can redo under my name?

Or should I just start over in SAA and so you can delete this thread?

It's okay Lorax, it has happened to many people. I don't think that it is a problem, but if it worries you, you can click notify at the bottom of your post and ask the moderators.

He met the OW online through a FB group, correct? Has he closed his facebook account now?

Have you exposed to the OWs family and friends?

As for putting limited finances in jeopardy, anything (including finances) that comes before your marriage, will eventually come between your marriage. Many of us did have to make drastic changes in order to recover and build a new marriage.

Blindsighted, thank you. I'm dealing with insomnia again and not thinking.

FB is going to be hard but I know it has to happen. That's on our list to talk about this weekend when he isn't tired from work.

I figured out 2 of OW friends to expose to, but don't know who her family is. It felt weird to be in her page, like I was stalking. I chose two that were in the same town as she is, and had a real life friendship rather than only online, and were also in the same groups in FB as the OW and WH. They had mutual friendships with 2 of the WH's friends that I exposed to as well. One OW friends has already ended her friendship with her and said no has influence over her, she's a narcissist. The other hasn't responded.

OW doesn't post a lot of family info other than a wee bit about her kids. She is in divorce proceedings already from an abusive ex. Should I tell him too? I was told he had a heart attack back in June.

If he lost his job we would go hungry and homeless. I'm not kidding. That would come between us and hurt us even more than our limited finances at the moment, which we manage until I can work again. The OW is several states away. Leaving his job isn't a necessity so I don't understand how telling his employers would help. He doesn't have friends there, no one really knows him, no one there has influence or would be support he would accept.

I've read through your thread -- who is telling you to do a workplace exposure? I don't see anyone telling you that -- did I miss something? Workplace exposure is for workplace affairs.

Yes you should expose to her husband (he is not an ex since the divorce is not final). How old are her children?

Don't keep this dribble hit and miss exposure going. Make a list of all of the people that you will expose to, and get it done in one fell swoop WITHOUT warning your husband first. Here is a link to review regarding exposure: Exposure 101

Yes the facebook has to go. Also if he has email accounts that she is aware of or has EVER contacted him through, those have to go also. Do you have his passwords?

Why would you wait to talk about closing facebook? In fact, if he has been reading this site and truly has intentions of making a new and better marriage, HE should have closed it already. And changed his phone number. Is he able to access his facebook account on his cell phone while he is working?

You have stated that your husband is a truck driver. Is he EVER away overnight?

I was wondering the same Lorax.

Who is telling you to expose to his work when this isn't a workplace affair?

Yes you should expose to her BH. If she is in divorce proceedings, that means she is and was still married when the A was taking place, and he has a right to know this about his life.

BTW, it is possible that her H was abusive of course, but I will tell you that labeling your spouse as 'abusive' is standard behavior for wayward people. Many many many NON abusive spouses have been labeled as such, especially during separation or divorce, because it makes people who are cheating feel more justified in what they are doing and discredits their spouse taking the blame off of them and their waywardness. Do not let this keep you from exposing to him.

Did your WH remove himself from social media, specifically FB? What else has been done on the list of EP's?

Some of the steps you can do now - you don't need your WH's help and you don't need to finish reading entire the book to get these things done.

(1) Finish exposure. You do this WITHOUT your H's help or input. Others have pointed out missed exposures. What about your 11 yr old child?

(2) Get EPs into place. The list that was posted for you already. Your WH needs to get off FB, yesterday. He doesn't need FB. He was told this on his thread and he disappeared. No Bueno. If he drags his feet, you should show him the door. Yes, I'm serious. If a WS won't give up social media, they aren't serious about your M.

(3) Get spyware into place.

This is in addition to what the other great posters who are helping you have already listed.

I'm very concerned about your WH's job. I would recommend you write to Dr Harley on the radio show about this. Personally, I would be extremely uncomfortable with a WS with your H's background and history having that type of job.

Lorax how are you doing?

Keep posting so the wonderful people here can help you. I want to encourage you to apply the MB plan and listen to the veterans here they have have helped so many including my self.

I know this is the worst thing you have ever experienced, I know the depth of your hopelessness...But, You have to follow the MB plan and the advice given. The great thing about MB is the hope that it brings. The hope of a tried and true plan that thousands have implemented to restore their broken marriages.

Don't allow any person or job come between you and your marriage. The advice you have been given is spot on. You can do this. Will it be easy?

NOPE! Come back here and let these guy's help you!

Best of luck to you,
wle2