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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
He just won't stop texting me after I have asked him to please stop. I would change my phone number if I were you.
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Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 21
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 21 |
We are living separate now. We have been exchanging them at his house. I texted his mom to let her know that I have ended all communication with him and that he is going to be very upset. I asked that we exchange the kids through her for now.
My family is all 3 hours away. All I have where we live is his mother. She has agreed. She will pick up/drop off and I told her we can meet somewhere.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
It has been hard not to have contact with my husband. He is in anger management but he is saying that he needs to feel love and affection and effort from me so he can stay on track. You can tell him that you will consider showing love and affection *IF* he completes a year of anger management and becomes a safe person. He needs to understand that is your condition. You need to get into an air tight Plan B and get an intermediary asap. Will you do that? And let him know it is less likely that you will ever consider reconciliation if he has an affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
We are living separate now. We have been exchanging them at his house. I texted his mom to let her know that I have ended all communication with him and that he is going to be very upset. I asked that we exchange the kids through her for now.
My family is all 3 hours away. All I have where we live is his mother. She has agreed. She will pick up/drop off and I told her we can meet somewhere. Good girl!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9 |
Have you heard anything from Dr H?
Is your husband continuing to harass you?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 21
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 21 |
No and I have been checking my email regularly. He finally stopped yesterday and said he was going to talk to his anger management counselor. He just started texting me about 5 min ago to tell me what she said yesterday.
His texts....
my counselor said she doesn't agree with you cutting off communication. She said that we need to bond and spend time together and I have to be able to sit with you are share what I have learned from her with you. I am sorry and I love you but I will no longer be available to you if you choose to push me away it is unhealthy for both of us and destroying our bond and commitment
I told her about our last fight and she said we have to have time to build a new bond and allow each other to show love and improvements. she is supposed to call you
Hurt is my main reason for anger. These are not my terms I have talked to my counselor and she said there is no way that cutting off communication with me is the answer to fixing a marriage and she doesn't understand why anyone would tell you that. No counselor would suggest that because you have to work together and rebuild a relationship
I am learning to control my anger and I will be showing you. It's about fixing my marriage with my wife and trying to actually be happy for once.
My thoughts....
I actually hope she does call me because I can't imagine a counselor would tell me I should risk my safety to "help" him get his anger under control. 4 days ago I was getting the kids and he invited me in. I foolishly accepted and again a fight started. I tried to leave and he pushed me down on the bed and threw his phone against the wall and was screaming at me.
He claims he told her about this and she still said we need time together. I just don't know what to do. I want him to just leave me alone but I miss him at the same time.
Last edited by proudmommaof5; 09/16/16 11:50 AM.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
If his counselor really did say those things, then he needs a new anger management therapist. This one doesn't cut it. His texts are just another form of an angry outburst -- he is trying to manipulate you, threaten you, and get you to just do things his way. I was very serious in my suggestion to change your number. His texts are a threat to you and your mental health. Making it impossible for him to text you would be good for both of you. I tried to leave and he pushed me down on the bed and threw his phone against the wall and was screaming at me. This is domestic abuse. File a police report and get a restraining order.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
He claims he told her about this and she still said we need time together. I just don't know what to do. I want him to just leave me alone but I miss him at the same time. Proudmomma, you know what to do. You should be in a dark Plan B and end all this discussion. That is cute that some counselor wants you to hang out with an abusive bully, but I would suggest that SHE hang around with him if she likes him so much. See how she likes being abused. You are an adult who can judge bad advice when you see it. Dr Harley would not advise that you put yourself within reach of an abusive husband.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Are you reading our posts?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 21
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 21 |
Yes I am and I have not said anything back to him. I communicated with his mother last night to get the children while he wasn't home.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Yes I am and I have not said anything back to him. I communicated with his mother last night to get the children while he wasn't home. Did you read Prisca's advice to change your # so he can't contact you anymore? you should not have to listen to any of this again. Do you have an intermediary who would protect you from this? Did you take her advice to report him to the police and get a restraining order?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 38
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 38 |
It sounds like Dr. Harley answered you on the radio Friday. It's playing all weekend.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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