My wife has been getting secret phone calls. She leaves the room so I can't hear. When I inquire who called and the nature of the call you says none of your business.

These secret calls bother me. What should I do? We have separate cell phones.

Yesterday when when I wanted to talk to her she said she has more important things to do than talk to me and left.

Me: 53
Her: 62
Married: 19
Kids: none

Corky,

Welcome to Marriage Builders. Sorry for the things that have brought you here.

Even with this little bit of information you've provided it's pretty obvious your W is having an affair. What kind of relationship do you have that she thinks it's OK to say it's none of your business? It sounds like you two need this program immensely.

This program will help you build a romantic, loving marriage where there is complete transparency and you make all decisions together enthusiastically.

Your first order of business is to snoop to find out what she is doing without your knowledge. Others will be along to help you create your plan for snooping.

If she is having an affair there is a very specific plan here on how you go about busting up the affair.

If you want to save this follow the advice of the veterans that will be along here shortly.

Meanwhile please provide more information about yourself. Your ages, how many years married, children?, etc.

Hi corky, welcome to Marriage Builders. The first step is to QUIETLY find out what she is hiding. Don't ask her anymore about it, just start snooping and find out. You can put spyware on her cell phone, place a voice activated recorder where she uses the phone and place a GPS on her car.

Don't do anything until you have done this. Once you get the intel, come back here and we will help you with next steps.

Cellphone spyware programs are webwatcher, teensafe, flexispy, mrphone. Also read through this thread for some spy tips for iphones: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2832187#Post2832187

We have iPhones and I have access to her email and Facebook accounts and passwords. But she is Chinese and I only understand a few words, so not sure how effective snooping will be.

We also have OnStar so I can track where she drives. Yesterday she took $200 out in cash. We both use Mint to track spending but I can't see what she does with the cash.

One of the secret calls was her attempt to remove my access to our joint Fidelity account. The other secret call she claims was a possible job.

That is where you should start. Get access to her phone and install spyware. Once you do that, you can read her texts through translation. Do you have access to her phone logs?

If you record her conversations via a VAR, you might could hire someone to translate for you.

Is their a VAR that will work on her iPhone in the background? Her current phone, iPhone 5, is full and so no new software can be installed. She can't even take photos with her phone and uses mine, an iPhone 6. We plan on getting her an iPhone 7 with more space. Not sure if that will be before or after her 2-week trip to Taiwan without me to visit her parents this November.

I have access to the phone app and can see the telephone numbers of recent calls.

PERFECT opportunity here!!! Go down and buy her a new iphone as a "surprise" and install spyware on it. You can also buy a GPS unit and put it on her car. However, I think flexispy has a built in GPS.


Can you download all her texts on iTunes? Do you have her password? Did you read the link I posted?

And the VAR is a separate device. I am not aware of any way t o do this via an iphone. Buy a VAR from walmart or Radio shack and hide it in a spot where she would speak to him. If in the car, then Velcro it under her seat.

Reading the chapter on domestic support covered both spouses working. In my marriage I earn 95% of the income and my wife works about 1 hour per week. But she still insists on an equal division of housework. What can I do since I expect her to do most of the housework?

You can start by stopping your expectations. She is not your child. Follow the procedure in the book.

How is this coming along?

We have agreed not to spend money without joint agreement. And she does not want to upgrade to the iPhone 7 at this time.

She does not want to read the book or follow the procedure. If I just stop doing the housework how do I respond to her demands?

Let us know when you get the evidence from her phone and we can move forward. Nothing we can do until you complete that step. We can't move forward without FACTS.

Stop asking her to read any books and start snooping.

Merging threads - Please stay on the same thread so posters can follow your story and give you the best advice.

I checked her phone frequent locations, recent calls, emails and messages and have not found evidence of an affair.

Ok, I will wait until you get the evidence about who these "secret phone calls" are from. Once you get that, we can move onto next steps.