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Which EN would you say is met by one spouse working with the other in a project to renovate their home?
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Which EN would you say is met by one spouse working with the other in a project to renovate their home? What makes you describe it as an EN? Does it meet this test? "What is an emotional need? It is a craving that, when satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of happiness and contentment, and, when unsatisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. There are probably thousands of emotional needs. A need for birthday parties, peanut butter sandwiches, Monday Night Football, I could go on and on. Some people have some of those needs while others have different needs. If you feel good doing something, or if someone does something for you that makes you feel good, an emotional need has been met. But not all emotional needs are created equally. When some are met, you may only feel comfortable--they make small Love Bank deposits. There are others, however, that can make you feel downright euphoric. In fact they make you so happy that you're likely to fall in love with the person that meets them. I call those our most important emotional needs because they make the largest Love Bank deposits of all. And those are the very same emotional needs that a husband and wife expect each other to meet in marriage." The Most Important Emotional Needs
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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If this really is an emotional needs, following Dr Harley's definition of ENs, it isn't necessary to classify it. If it is an important need for one spouse, then it is in the other spouse's interest to meet it. However, this should only be done in a way and to the extent that the other spouse enjoys meeting that need. There should be no pressure on the other spouse to meet that need: "Then, learn to meet the needs that are rated the highest in a way that is fulfilling to your spouse, and enjoyable for you, too." A Summary of Dr Harley's Basic Concepts
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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It was mostly a question of curiosity. I was not sure which of the most important EN categories it might fit into (if any).
This past week, we POJAd this as a UA activity. It turned out to be an unexpected surprise of big love unit deposits. "Downright euphoric" describes it well. It was tough work but we had fun and it was productive too.
This isn't something that I would have thought would deposit a lot of love units, but it did. I encourage others to give it a shot. If it doesn't work out on the first try, consider setting it aside for a season and talk about it again later. (Love busters got in our way when we tried this before MB.)
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I think of a lot of joint projects as recreational companionship.
Last edited by apples123; 09/26/16 07:22 PM.
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It was mostly a question of curiosity. I was not sure which of the most important EN categories it might fit into (if any).
This past week, we POJAd this as a UA activity. It turned out to be an unexpected surprise of big love unit deposits. "Downright euphoric" describes it well. It was tough work but we had fun and it was productive too.
This isn't something that I would have thought would deposit a lot of love units, but it did. I encourage others to give it a shot. If it doesn't work out on the first try, consider setting it aside for a season and talk about it again later. (Love busters got in our way when we tried this before MB.) It would only be productive to continue this, however, if it also has the same effect for your wife. The goal is MUTUAL enjoyment. If she is making huge deposits with you, while it makes huge withdrawals for her, then she is engaging in sacrifice and it will just make things worse. Defining it as an emotional need will change nothing about this approach.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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