No. Oh, please, no.

Don't send her any money. Just sit tight! She will be home soon. You did a great job in your exposures! Will her mother reach out to her?

Will the OM's wife give you the OM's parents contact information? It would be a great hit on the affair if you exposed to them.

Her mother had told me that she would call WW immedietelly but she didn't. I guess WW's father didn't let her call WW.

WW wants me to decide to sue her untill this weekend. If I don't sue her she will go to court for divorce. And she wants to know if I will accept divorce or not.
What should I tell her?

Could you please give me a pathway to folow? on...
- how, when and how frequent to talk with her...
- what to tell?
- how to respond to her financial demands

She'll need money for getting another appartment.She wants me to send her money. What should I tell her?

OM's wife wants to be with her husband and try to work out their problems. I don't think she'll give OM's parents contact. Also she is a little upset with me for causing loosing OM's job.

Her mother had told me that she would call WW immedietelly but she didn't. I guess WW's father didn't let her call WW.

As far as I know WW's family fully supporting her. WW tells them how bad our marriage was. She tells them we argue frequently which is not true. It is true that she and I are hard to convince people. We used to argue a lot in the past. For the last couple of years we don't have frequent arguments. And when we do, generally she doesn't want negotiate on conflict and she does as she wishes. As a result I become upset with her.

WW wants me to decide to sue her or not untill this weekend. If I won't sue her she will go to court for divorce. And she wants to know if I will accept divorce or not.
What should I tell her?

She'll need money for getting another appartment.She wants me to send her money. ok I won't ... but What should I tell her?

Could you please give me a pathway to folow?
- how, when and how frequent to talk with her...
- what to tell?
- how to respond to her financial demands
- should I give her some space to think?

TEll her you have told her mother and ask her to call her mother to discuss her affair.


Just tell her you aren't interested in divorce. You would like to fix the marriage.


Be as pleasant as possible, but ask her to end her affair with the OM. Ask her to send him a no contact letter.


Tell her no thanks, you aren't sending any money.

The OM was fired because he had an affair. That is not your fault!! Call her and ask for the parents contact information. If she won't give it, then find them yourself. .

Do not file or agree to divorce.

Do not give WW money to move out or hire a lawyer.

Stall as long as you can to let exposure do it's job. If OMW is resolved to fight for her marriage she will keep OM away from WW. This will show WW that she meant nothing to OM when he pulls away from her.

You went from being afraid OM may lose his job to you know saying the OM got fired. How did that happen?

If I don't help her how can she see me as a caring man? BTW, she can afford a separate apartment and searching for and apartment like crazy.
Do you think that going on exposing can do harm, if the affair is really over? I strongly feel that way, and it happened to us. She is seeing an attorney. She pulled out swords

A "caring" husband does not finance an affair. That is not the message you want to give. There is a difference between "caring" and enabling.


Feelings are not truth. Exposure has been THERAPEUTIC in your case and every other case. You ruined the affair. You have likely killed the affair, which was not over. Even if it was over, exposure is very powerful because it keeps the affair killed.

You do understand that waywards are always furious about exposure, right? They ALWAYS pull out swords. The more angry the more effective your exposure. Your marriage can survive her temporary anger over exposure, it can't survive an ongoing affair.

WW said she had talked with her mother last night and she had told her about our marriage wasn't going well and separation has nothing to do with her affair. And she said her mother told her that she doesn't care anything but her happiness.

No one gives a damn about a 40 y.o. self sufficient womans affair.

Thats why, I can see no point in continuing exposure. Besides I have completed my list: her family, her close friends, my family and both workspaces.

edit: 7-8 years ago during the days that our marriage was full of arguments, I had told her to find a job incase she wants a divorce in the future.

First off, you have NO EARTHLY IDEA what her mother said to her. You only have the feedback of a liar. And secondly, it is not true that "no one cares about a 40 year old woman...." You can't make that assumption. Most people don't care; we already know that. success or failure of exposure is not contingent on "people caring." SUccess is achieved by getting it out into the open and forcing the affairees to see themselves through the eyes of others when they have to explain themselves.

Affairs thrive on secrecy so getting it out into the open ruins the fantasy.

Have you exposed to anyone else on OM's side besides his BW? His parents? His family?

I called WW's mother. She said WW told her she had an EA with a man but her separation from me has nothing to do with her affair. I tried to explain her mother that it is a PA and we didn't have any problems for many years untill this affair. I think she is not convinced. I asked her to talk with WW again.

Should I call WW once in a while and propose to meet? All she does is talking about getting an apartment. I donWt know what to talk about with WW.

Please advice.

No. I don't have their contact. I asked (text) their contact from OM's wife, but no response.

I am curious to know why you are unemployed and what you are doing to rectify this situation?

I cannot speak for your wife, but most women would find it very unattractive for a man to be unemployed for a long period of time. If you are looking to Plan A her and show her a great marriage to come home to, maybe you want to start here.

I absolutely agree with you. I am searching for a job since 15th of June. (Interestingly OM's first emotional message was on 18th of June). I am 44 and for an electronics engineer it's very hard to find a job at that age in Turkey. I have an extraordinarily decent resume and I have made hundreds of job applications but only two companies called me for interview.

Can you find a job in the meantime that is not engineering? It is more attractive for you to find a job that may be less in pay, but is a job, than remaining unemployed.

You can always continue to search for a job in your field while also going to work every day and earning a paycheck.

Hello all,
After I asked OMS's wife to give OM�s parents phone, his wife called me. She said: They love eachother. OM is very remorseful and they are working on their marriage. She inspected WW's facebook page and she saw that WW is an alcohol user, going out with her girl friends, wear revealing clothes and look like she likes independency (and it is totally true. WW, I and our families are all liberal). In contrast, her husband and she is very conservative. He even do not let her wear a halter dress. And OM and WW don�t fit at all. And after all OM thinks that WW used him to encourage herself for divorce.

Now I see that WW had never been really into the affair (as she said before). She has never shown remorse, never asked forgiveness from me. Two years ago, WW�s best friend divorced at her 40, after struggling with her marriage for many years. She is our ex neighbour. And she always says it is very good to be free at last. And they have friend group of 4 woman all divorced except for my wife. They go out once or twice a week. Many times I have told my wife we need too spend more time together and I don�t like her to meet them frequently. We agreed to spend Friday nights together and Saturday nights with her friends. She is very stubborn so I sometimes feel resentful when I can�t negotiate with her. A couple of times I argued with her about her going out with her friends when I feel resentful. And a few months later this affair happened. She is at the end of 39 and since the last year she sometimes used to say she is wondering how will our marriage be after her 40. I think the idea of being independent seemed better than our marriage to her. Even before the affair she wasn�t into a codependent life.

I truely believe that there is nothing left in her mind about OM. And all the exposures and my spying on her on her made her feel trapped and pissed off. She felt trapped not because she is planning a future with OM but because she wants her freedom. And with each exposure I pushed her away from me. Our main problem is not her affair but her after 40 thoughts. If the affair had died a natural death or if I had not expose to everyone we coud have a chance to work our marriage out. Before the affair I was reading MB web site and I had recognized my ignorance and neglect. And the timing of this affair ruined everything. She couldn�t heard me and respond to my efforts.

I told her about my thoughts but she says it is too late and she wants to be away from me and from any other man for a long time. And even if she forgets bad feelings about me and even she starts dating me again she will never be married to me or any other man again. She says every one will suffer the consquences of their faults and this is how she can live in peace. I am deeply sorry. I love my wife, I am sure that if she could hear and believe me we would have a satisfying marriage. Now, it looks like there is no hope for us.

One side of me wants to file her and divorce in order to get out of these false expectations and pain, the other side of me wants to be nice, help her getting an apartment with our son and give her some space for a possible marital reconciliation. Both decisions comprise a lot of suffering for a long time. I am indecisive.

Do you have any suggestions?

I am sure of one thing. I should find a job ASAP.

Edit: Perhaps it is [censored] but I would prefer that she is getting an apartment in order to go on her affair. Eventually their affair would die and I could win her back. But it is not the case.