The no contact letter has been written and I will be dropping it in the mail tomorrow morning on my way to work. Cameras were installed today and I will be getting live feeds on my cell phone so I'll know at all times what's going on. Thankfully these cameras look like smoke detectors so my husband will have no idea.

I texted her mom to ask her daughter to leave our area so we can heal. Her mom agrees the best thing is for her to move back closer to home. She said it might take a while because she wants to line up a job first. I told her it's best if she lives at home until she can find a job, something will come up.

My husband has been apologizing to me non-stop, keeps telling me it was a mistake and that he doesn't want to lose me. He says he will do everything in his power to make things better with our son.

I brought up the idea of moving and he says if that's what I need to heal, he will move.

Where is her home? Do her parents live out of state?


I don't want to be a wet blanket, but please don't put much faith in this. All of your faith has to come from only actions you can SEE. Almost every wayward shows great "remorse" but it is of little worth. What will be of worth are the actions he takes to affair proof your marriage.

Did you read my posts about getting access to his work email and work phone? That is a huge glaring opportunity for him to continue his affair.

Good job! Do you work opposing shifts? Do you ever spend the nights apart?

I'm able to access his work email through a website and I check it frequently, so far I haven't seen anything to suggest the affair is still going on. I'm not able to check his office phone.

My husband works 9-5, Mon-Fri. I work 12-hour shifts three time a week and my days are not always the same. We never spend nights apart, but he definitely has weekend days as well as a few hours after work by himself depending on my schedule.

Can you get on the same shift?

The office phone is a loophole that has to be closed. Did you see my post on that?

Given my profession, I have to work 12-hour shifts and I'm not always able to pick which days.

I've been checking the surveillance cameras and so far nothing at home! This is a good sign.

Do the cameras have audio and remote access?

Yes, I'm getting audio and a live stream on my cell phone.

Jenn, you and your husband are going to have to take a very aggressive approach to changing the lifestyle that enabled this to happen. Working long shifts is very probably one of those contributing factors. I suspect you are a nurse and there are many, many nurse positions that do not require 12 hour shifts.

The other glaring holes that will prevent recovery is the fact that the OW lives right there. Your husband is very addicted to the OW and will be perpetually triggered by her close presence. So will you, because you will be dealing with an on again, off again affair. That is your future. I am sorry to say that it will take extraordinary approach to recover from this. You wont be able to keep everything the same.

I am a corner cutter by nature, but I am convinced after being here every day for 15 years that cutting corners leads to disaster. I have seen it over and over again. Dr Harley has been doing this for 45 years and says the same thing.

Will the OW move to her family now?

The marriage is over, I asked him to leave last night. He pleaded with me, I didn't back down.

Yesterday he came home from work with a female coworker, they had sex, and then she left. I met this woman and her husband once before at a holiday party.

When she left, he took a shower and then an hour after that my son's ex-fiancee came over. He had sex with her too and she left.

I have this all on camera, will I be able to use this in a divorce case?

Get tested for STD's.

Now you know what "closure" is all about.

Expose this second affair to OW husband and workplace. Don't be surprised if you find more affairs.

I'm so sorry. I'm glad you were so tenacious and got the evidence but I am sure it is devastating to see this on video. You sound like a very strong woman, you can get through this.

Expose this workplace affair per the Exposure 101 thread. I would also expose both affairs to both OW's. I'm sure they both feel like they are his soulmates...

Your husband is a serial cheater who sounds like a pro. Assume there have been many more affairs and get a full STD check.

Also, read up on Plan B. This is dark seperation where you start a new life on your own and have NO contact with the WH.

It is possible to recover a marriage with a serial cheater, but very very difficult. It takes a lifelong commitment of diligent monitoring. I know I would not want to do this and it doesn't sound like you do either.

Jenn, I am so sorry. I am glad you have found out, but you needed to know. Please follow unwritten's advice to the letter and expose the affair everywhere. Call a locksmith today and change your locks. You can't allow your husband to get back in your home and destroy evidence or take property. OR he could come in and force you out. You don't need any more drama.

In addition,
take steps to protect your finances and assets. Many a wayward will drain bank accounts or otherwise take funds, ect.
Be sure you beat him to the punch on that front.

I am very sorry that this is happening to you.
However, it was already happening to you (probably for a long long time).
At least NOW you KNOW the true details of your Own life.
Take care.

Thank you everyone for the support. He doesn't know about the cameras and what I saw, I didn't want to give myself away. He thinks I just decided out of nowhere that he needs to leave. Apparently he went to his brother's house last night.

I don't want to recover my marriage, it's not worth it. He's told me one thing to my face and sleeping with two people behind my back, that I know of

How does someone do this?

You need to tell him you were having him watched and you know what he did. [don't ask, tell him you know] Tell everyone what you saw, including the brother. It really doesn't matter at this point if he finds out you had cameras in the home since he is gone.

You can tell everyone you are having your husband "watched" and that he had sex with the coworker and the x-fiance in your home yesterday. You don't have to give your sources. You probably should share the tape iwth the husband of the coworker and the workplace. You MUST expose his affairs, my friend.


This is pretty amazing. I would suspect there are many others, wouldn't you?

The WORST thing you could do is keep this a secret. That gives your XH the ability to spin the truth to others. And believe me, he is doing that as we speak. He is spinning the story and blaming you as the mean, unstable woman. You need to inform everyone of what is going on.

Your husband is a very reckless individual and that will not change unless you expose him. Exposing him gives him the motivation to change and it also enables others to protect themselves and hold him accountable. Everyone benefits from exposure. EVERYONE.

I think unwritten meant to expose on both OW's. Exposure is more importantly done to their spouse, families, friends, etc.