Not sure where to even begin..here are the basics

• Married 27 years this Friday
• Started dating at 15
• Had 2 kids at 22 and 24 years of age
• I worked full time, sometimes 3 jobs to allow her to stay home
• I supported her when she started her business 3 years ago
• In January of this year I started my own business and she completely turned on me
  

This last 10 months has been hell on earth. We have fought everyday (no exaggeration) except 2 for 10 months! I keep asking her to just give me some space to get my feelings in order and she is incapable of doing this. She continues to question my integrity and fidelity because of my self described "emptiness". I feel like I am emotionally tapped out and have nothing left to give. She continually tells me to get over it, that she needs me back being me so she can be her. I moves 6 weeks ago to try and get some relief only to have my phone blow up repeatedly. We started to see a marriage therapist and she stopped attending after 2 visits. She said I was the one who needed "fixed" and after that happened she would go back. She felt the therapist was picking on her instead of focusing on me.
She keeps asking if we are done and something is keeping me from just saying yes even though I feel that we are. The therapist wants me to wait to make sure what I'm feeling isn't just emotional. 30 years is a long time....but maybe it's over. I just want peace and don't feel like I will ever get it. I can't imagine any type of relationship with her after everything that has been said and done. I have lost all trust in her and I'm sure she feels the same way.

So am I being unreasonable to ask for space. I told her we can talk about the businesses or the kids or even the weather, just not our relationship. I even asked if we could schedule 1 day a week to discuss our marriage but that wasn't acceptable. No one is going to tell her when she can talk to her husband!!!

Any advice would be helpful.....I'm at my wits end.

You dont grow together living in separate homes. What are her complaints? What do you argue about?

I moved out because the arguing was getting so bad I was chewing Excederin like they were tic-tacs. Her complaints are that I shut down and asked for space. We argue about me not being there to give her what she needs and me just wanting some peace for a minute.

What were the arguments that causes you to shut down.?

This whole account isn't really coherent. It's very difficult to understand what has been going on, apart form the fact that you needed "space" and abandoned your wife. Where did you go? How do you pay the rent on this place? Are you still fully supporting her in the marital home?

Have you seen a doctor about your obvious depression? You appear to be on the verge of a breakdown.

"In January of this year I started my own business and she completely turned on me".

What was it about starting your own business that made her turn on you? Did you give up a paid job without seeking her agreement? Did you go into something risky? Has your income - and therefore her income - suffered?

You make her sound like a complete madwoman, but I'm sure that the story would be completely different from her perspective - so please try and give it.

You are saying that you are arguing because you asked for space, but you asked for space because of the arguing. That doesn't make sense.

What about your business is she in disagreement with/caused the arguing? It seems like it started at that time so they appear to go hand in hand. Please elaborate.

Would your wife come here and post?

Have you read Dr. Harley's article "How to Deal With a Quarrelsome and Nagging Wife"? To what extent does this describe your situation?

Ok, first off, thank you for the responses and let me apologize for not being as descriptive as I should have been. I have never been in this situation before and my communication skills need improvement.

So like I said, we have been together since we were 15, married at 18 and kids at 22 and 24, we have never been with anyone else. This Friday is our 27th anniversary. I will try and be as fair as possible but obviously this is my side of the story.

For almost 30 years I feel like have worked my butt off to support my family. Sometimes working 3 jobs if I needed to. We have never been without food, shelter, electricity, etc. Sometimes things got tight but I always did whatever it took. When we had kids we decided she would stay home and raise them which she did amazingly. She didn't go back to work until our youngest started high school. She did fantastic at her job but it required her to work late and almost every Saturday. I took over the cooking and cleaning of the house in addition to me working full time. In all fairness she did all the laundry and helped with the cleaning. She had an opportunity to open her own business which I fully supported. I took care of all the logistics business matters so she could focus on the clients. Now throughout the years we would argue, primarily about sex. She was never very physical and would get upset or even push me away if I came up for a hug if it was "a bad time". I eventually got upset at this and called her out on it and it seemed to help a little. I explained I wasn't looking for it to lead to anything, I just wanted a 15-30 second hug. Our entire relationship I was the one who initiated sex and even then was criticized on not being romantic enough or it being boring. Not to mention all the rules that came with it, lights out, not touching certain parts of her body, etc. When we did argue about the lack of intimacy it was her telling me what I did or didn't do and me clamming up and apologizing in the end. During one our arguments this past year she pulled the hundreds of love letters and notes that I had written her over the years and in at least 80% of them I apologized for not being a better husband or not being more romantic. I am not trying to say I was the perfect husband by any means but I think I did ok. I don't go out to the bars, I don't play golf, I can count on one hand the times I ever did anything without her (outside of business) that took me away for more than a day. I cook and do my share around the house, I helped with the kids and worked my butt off. So that brings us to this last January...

After several months of us discussing me leaving a 6 figure salary to start my own business we collectively decided it was the right move, so I made the jump. The business was not as far along as we we both thought but it was nothing that gave me any regrets. Unfortunately my previous company filed a frivolous law suit against us the second month in. So at some point in either Jan. or Feb. she, for the lack of a better analogy, switched teams. She started saying things like; you should have never of left, you should have said this, you should have said that, etc.

So because there wasn't enough information last time let me over do it a little now...

The 3 years leading up to this point we lost her mom, her sister, my brother (suicide), I had a near death illness (2% chance of surviving). So now I went from getting up everyday and going to work and interacting with coworkers to being at home and the people I thought were my friends and colleagues were now calling me a thief and a liar. So to say I was in a depressed state would be an accurate statement.

So I became emotionally empty, its the best way for me to describe it. I felt ambivalent to almost everything. I could still get up each day and do my job and do life but I think the fact that for the first time I really needed her support it wasn't there. When I tried to tell her this her response was anything but supportive. I was made to feel that she couldn't do her job or be her if I wasn't giving her what she needed. It made me feel like a pack mule. So in the beginning I felt apologetic and guilty, like I should have been stronger or been able to handle things better. Swallow it all down and keep moving, but I couldn't. So this continued day after day, each day her asking if I was "better" and each day me asking for minute to get me head straight. The guilt gave way to anger and resentment. It made me feel like my needs and feelings weren't important. She said I needed a pill because I was broken, I went to a therapist for the first time. I vomited my life story for an hour and when I came home she asked if I got a pill. I said no and she said I need to go see a shrink, I did, repeat the same process, no pill. She asked if I filled out the questionnaire correctly and suggested I find a 3rd doctor and lie the next time. I made an appointment with my general practitioner and she agreed I didn't need a pill. After my second visit she prescribed one for me anyway, big mistake. I ended up taking the pill to satisfy her and it made things so much worse. It turned me into a zombie and killed any libido that I had, which wasn't much to begin with because of the anger and resentment. When it was obvious the pill wasn't working she said to stop taking it, then the withdraws started. Right about the time I stopped taking the meds is when the arguments were coming to a head. During one of these arguments when she was asking for intimacy I picked up the empty pill bottle and threw it across the room in anger. It didn't hit anything but the floor but she then accused me of being capable of hurting her. Along the way she accused me of having an affair as well. I no longer recognized the person in the mirror and was taking 16-20 Excederin a day to keep my head from exploding. I wasn't sleeping and my stomach was obviously feeling the effects of the medicine. I decided to move out to preserve any chance of us working this out, I thought if I stayed the arguments would escalate to a point of no return. I moved out of our big beautiful home to a crappy little apartment and took nothing but my clothes, a spare bed, and my office stuff. I have not taken a dime out of our household accounts and been able to be self sufficient using the small checks I get from my business. Her business and our savings are more than enough to take care of the monthly expenses of the house.

We started going to couples therapy and it seemed to be helpful, at least for me. She felt that he was being mean to her so she stopped going after 2 sessions. She said I needed to be fixed before we could be fixed. I am still going by myself. Everyday we talk and it usually ends up in an argument. When are you coming home? I need you, I can't do my job without you, I miss you, why can't you just get over it? I have just gotten over the withdraws of the meds and am just now starting to feel again but the anger is still there. I feel like I'm on a full boil and every question or criticism sets me off. The therapist, her friends, and I have all said, just talk about everyday things Monday through Saturday and set up a couple of hours on Sunday to discuss the relationship. This way it is deliberate and not done in anger or knee jerk moments. She refuses to do this but tells me she is the only one fighting and doing everything she can to save us. I am beyond frustrated and am at the point of just wanting it all to end.

So hopefully this very long description helps...I really do feel like I'm going crazy.

Have you read the Basic Concepts?