Good Afternoon All
So this is my story, after 17 year of marriage 2 daughters 9 & 13 and a son 23(stepson to my wife) that lived with us since He was 2, my wife told me 3 weeks a go she wants to separate...the main reason being I was too controlling, jealous and would not let her live her life.
She suffers from complex migraines and seizures and underwent severe depression last year and went on to psychiatric treatment, she is also seeing a psychologist who was helping Her bring up Her self esteem, after a few sessions she started acting differently and said she wanted to live freely, we have some new neighbors that since in the neighborhood have been really friendly with Her now she wants to hang out with them all the time,we had a party at our house where she started drinking and smoking something she rarely did for that matter she even smoked weed, I am not saying this may be the main cause because in the past we had some fights over the same issue but it never escalated this far, right now she says the she is for the first time thinking about Her and only Her she is not thinking about the kids or the consequences of a divorce or needless to say Me, I am lost I have begged and cried but nothing Has worked (I know I shouldn't have)I don't know what to do, I really want to save my marriage but all doors keep closing, for the record I checked cell phone records and e-mails and found nothing, Her schedules continue to be the same and she tells and insists that there is no body else, is just that she doesn't love Me in the same way and she wants Her space, what should I do??

Welcome. It sounds like there is a high liklihood your wife is having an affair.

You need to quietly do more snooping to find out what is going on. Asking her to tell you is useless, of course she is not going to be honest about it.

When you say you 'checked records' I don't know what that means. Of course anything can be deleted, so you need to have a way to capture it before that happens. You need to put spyware on her phone and/or any other computer/device she may be using for communication, a keylogger would capture everything she types before she can delete it. You can also place a VAR (voice activated recorder) in her car or anywhere else she might talk freely.

I would look closely at the neighbors she is spending all her time with, and anyone else associated with that party group. I think it is very likely you will find the AP in that group.

Can you do all this *quietly* without alerting her?

In the meantime, stop begging and crying. This is very unattractive. If there is an OM (or OW) you are making that person look great! I am pretty sure that is not what you want. Instead, be at your best. Do your best to fill her EN's and avoid lovebusters. Be the better option.

Also, do not move out of your home. If she says she wants to separate, tell her you love her and want to create a great marriage with her. Tell her you will not discuss separation or divorce.

If she wants to leave herself, of course you cannot stop her. But do not go along with her plans and move out.

The two most commonly used lines used while having an affair, 1) I love you but am not in love with you, and 2) I just need 'space.'

These are so commonly used, I swear there is a handbook out there that all waywards are reading verbatim from.

By records I meant the phone bill, no numbers other than numbers that she usually calls, that is what I am afraid of but even Her therapist said in a session there was no OP, I guess I am in denial but I cant see how all of it sudden it all ends like that.

No I don't intend to move, besides that puts me at risk of being the abandoning party in case of a divorce, what killss me if that this people live right across the street from our house

How would this therapist know unless she hired a PI herself? It is reckless of this inexperienced, unqualified therapist to assure you of something she has absolutely no way of knowing. A therapist is not qualified or experienced in infidelity so that is the last person you should ask. Nor should you ask your wife. A person in an affair is not going to tell you the truth.

What you should do is QUIETLY start snooping and then come back and we will give you next steps.

There are many, many red flags here of an affair. If you can get the intel we can help you save your marriage.

Need your help Guys
What other type of intel can I use?

This could give her AP away if it was someone UNKNOWN to you, someone you did not recognize a number from. But if the AP is a the neighbor across the street who she regularly interacts with, it tells you nothing. Are the neighbors and associates numbers on her phone, people she already calls? If so, then you already know she is talking to these people, you just don't know what they are talking about.

A VAR can help you determine the content of conversations, btw.

Is her therapist male or female?

Could it potentially be her therapist? It would not be the first time.

female...

Just bought the recorder on line, should be here Thursday..

Can you also get spyware on her phone?

What kind of software do you recomend?

Webwatcher offers one and there are several others mentioned in this thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2832187#Post2832187

When you get the evidence, do NOT confront her. Come here for next steps.

If you want to recover your marriage, Dr Harley has created a very strategic plan to do so. But you have to follow it without cutting corners. This means do not fly off the handle and confront her and make a mess of things. You need to handle the information strategically and with a PLAN. Can you do this?