My husband and I got married after two years of being together.
I feel like it was too soon but was taken with the romance of it all I didn't stop it. Before we met I was having a period of self reflective personal growth - away from romantic relationships. I needed to do this because I'd not had a period since my 13th birthday where I didn't rely on a man to make me feel like I could love myself.
I equated self worth to giving a man everything and consequently I ended up in some pretty short and or meaningless unfulfilling relationships.
I grew up with two sisters. My father and mother argued a lot. My mother was ill and father worked
We were essentially young carers.
I've always had an natural compassion toward others but cannot tolerate injustice or abuse of any kind. I grew up in an unpredictable household . I recently discovering my personality fits in with that of empaths I am discovering more and more about my husbands personality which I wish I saw sooner.
Basically being a child of a mother with mental health problems I was emotionally and sometimes physically abused.
My husband has not been physically violent but from the day of our wedding a year and half ago verbal and emotional abuse has led me to seeking help of some form.
I have had counsellling over the years for my own issues. We have had some couples counselling and he goes to a separate one.
But when the [censored] hits the fan any form of progress feels wasted and distroyed.
He will post by blank refuse to admit any part in being manipulative, verbally cruel and making idle threats of leaving me because he can't handle my moods. (Moods which are biologically beyond my control being a woman) very normal and totall exaggerated to the pop by I am told no one he has been with is as 'crazy' as me. And he's not surprised no one could stay with me. Him assuming my exes left me when I actually left most of them because they were unfulfilling and I basically wasn't lived the way anyone would hope to be. And now it's happening again but it seems the worst ever!! And I married him! I've r ad a full list of emotional abuse signs and we meet at least 23 out of 30
That's worrying
I feel like I'm getting anxiety. My weight has gone up and I feel low and tired. I'm ignored on a daily basis too because he has two businesses and spends his life on his phone. We rarely have sex and when we do I try to encourage it to be meaningful and passionate- not just 'quickies'
I'm s very hard for us to feel connected if we are not connecting out of the bedroom.
His dad was a harsh man. Very old fashioned values about woman which I believe has transferred into my husbands expectations of me.
He's a charming handsome man. He's funny but lacks self confidence which explains why he tries to knock mine.
I'm sad today because I felt pushed after he was disgusted with me for getting a bit drunk last night. Something he can't do anymore because it gives him acid or makes him want to take drugs. Which I insisted he stoped or I'd leave him. So he's not taken cocaine since June. Very pleased by this of course but I feel like he's punishing me for not tolerating the consequences of taking drugs as a habit. It made him even worse as a person but he thought it made him more interesting and fun.
He seems to have an issue with accepting himself. He transfers all of his disapproval of himself onto me
He called me out this morning and said I should know better and I'm an adult now and thought gut I should apologise. I refused as didn't think I've done anything thing wrongs. He had had a couple of ciders but had to stop as he started to get acid. I had a couple of shorts on an empty stomach ( bad idea I know) and suffered for it. But I don't feel like I've done any harm to anyone- only my insides!
From this all hells broke loose to which he threatened to leave me ( something he says regularly then doesn't) says "where am I meant to go"? As if I've asked him to leave
I just told him to stop making idle threats when he says these things and he doesn't stop they get worse every time and at the same time of doing this he is saying
" your so clever you are, your so good at telling everyone to take responsibility, why don't you take a look in the mirror. I've had enough of you I can't do this anymore"
I was tir d last night - I've been at work all week and worked realllyvhard ( as if I've not )
... inlashevout sick of hearing the same stuff and through my wedding rings at him and torn the wedding picture next to our bed up!
Feeling rubbished and totally exhaustd

Liz36

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry to hear about the condition of your marriage.

Are you looking for advice here? I didn't see that you asked a question.