Hello, I am glad I found you guys. I hope for some emotional support and some insight. Hope for help to get through the day. Its a long story but will start here.

Just found out that my husband has been having an emotional and sexual affair with a woman who has befriended me while they were having an affair. She came into my home, held my child, brought me food to eat, smiled in my face and told me she was dating a married man and the whole time she was telling me about her and that man and their pregnancies she was talking to me about my husband. How cruel.

He has been cheating on me for over a year. I was pregnant with our first child when he started talking to and sleeping with her. She is not a decent person she has mental health problems, lies about tragedies and events so people feel sorry for her, and sleeps around with other men. She is unemployed and has children she abuses. Im so mad that he potentially exposed me to STDs in my pregnancy by being with her. She really is trash. If it was a better quality person I would not be so devastated. Why cheat on me with that type of person when you have a perfect wife at home.

She has sent him fake messages to make it look like I was cheating in hopes for him and i to break up. I found out months ago through phone records he was talking to someone 4-5 hours every single day, i confronted him but he said it was just a friend out of state. I trusted him. He continued the affair. I confided in her and she acted like a friend and the whole time she was behind it all. She is now posting all our conversations and names and story online to embaras me and him.

She has had an abortion from a child they conceived on my birhtday!! Can you imagine that. She now claims she is pregnant with triplets..with his children. I am devastated. I dont know if it is true because she sent a false medical record and ultrasounds to us, but she is telling everyone she is and posting pics of growing belly online and talking about cant wait to have those kids. SHe lives off the state. I see my childs college education down the drain if he has to pay child support to her it will be devastating. We already live paycheck to paycheck.

She is stalking and harassing me. I have to go to court.
She has filed false police report against him. I know it is false because we were both together during the time she is claiming a crime happened. We have recording of her saying she will ruin our lives and will physically hurt me. She is definitely crazy. But i blame him, i read months of their conversations and he told her he loved her every day. He claims he never loved her. He claims she is nasty psycho, but HE SLEPT with her he let her suck u know what did unprotected sex etc.

Im so hurt. So betrayed. So resentful. I feel dead inside.
He says he wants me and his family to work. We have been spending more time together. If u know the background u will know i did everything for this man. I brouhgt him from another country with 1 suitcase. He has everything now. Everything he always wanted and asked for has been given to him. Everything. He is so ungrateful.
Everyone believed our family was perfect. I BELIEVED IT. How can he do this. how can anyone do this to someone. WHy? I dont get it. Im so crushed.

We started going back to church I cry everyday. What can i do to start healing. How can I forget. He doesn't want t talk about it he says lets work on our marriage and not talk about it anymore. But it happened, how can I just live through the day without thinking about it.

And after all its not about her. She is a horrible person. But it is about my husband who I trusted 100% to never do this to me. This came from out of nowhere. I never saw it coming. Even when the lie was exposed I was in denial until I got months of pictures and messages between them. The betrayal is so enormous I dont think I will ever survive it, I dont think I will trust him ever, or will ever forgive or forget.

How can someone do this to another person they promised to love, cherish and protect? To leave your baby at home and chose to be with another woman while your wife and child need you at home. How can someone be so cruel. He says sorry but I dont feel remorse. He is sorry he got caught.

How can I work on my marriage, can it be saved? I cant say I love you back to him anymore I resent him. My life for the past year and a half has been a lie.

Hi BlindBrownEyes and welcome to Marriage Builders.

Dr. Harley wrote this article on how a marriage can be saved after an affair: How can trust be restored after an affair

How long have you been married?

Has the affair been exposed? If so, to whom?

You will need to move away from this OW. Has he cut all contact with this OW? Do you have spyware on his devices?

We met 5 years ago in his country and I brought him here. We have been married for 3 years and 4 months now. He cheated on me for 13 months and I found out a month ago.

I believe she is the one that created a fake profile acting like a friend of hers and send me months worth of text messages and pictures between the OW and my husband. Im sure she did it, it is not the first time she tried to separate us. I just didn't know it was her before.

Yes other people know about the affair, my whole family, his whole family and a lot of our friends as well. I couldn't keep it inside the first few days everywhere I went people asked me Hi, how are you doing and I broke down every time because I was not doing Okay at all.

The first couple of weeks he was in contact through his family with her in order to talk to her about the pregnancy she is claiming. We think it may not be true but she lied about having a miscarriage with triplets said she took pills and they died but was in the hospital for a minor injury instead, so there is no way losing 3 babies during the 5th month of pregnancy as she claims and walk out the hospital in 3 hours. So definite lie. I just pray it is a lie and she is not pregnant I think I will certainly leave him if she is.

He is now not in contact with her, she has filed false police report on him and the police has told him to make sure he does not get anywhere near her under any circumstance so that she does not end up accusing him of a crime he didn't commit.

Honestly im glad she turned out to be a low life psycho I think it will teach him that messing around has horrible consequences and he will be afraid doing it again.

As far as spyware we are in constant contact i know where he is located at all times and Im sure that at least for now he will not go anywhere near her.

BBE, here is the checklist as per Dr. Harley's recommendations for Surviving an Affair. What on this list has been completed?

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

We know. Dr. Harley has stated that people have reported the pain from an affair as worse than the loss of a child.

Have you seen this video yet? Dr. Harley - What Every Couple Should Know

Did you have a look yet at the last link that I posted? Here is a video with similar materials: How Dr. Harley learned to save marriages