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Why? I have not seen her at work for the past three weeks.
If my wife insists I change jobs I would retire. We would then need to sell our home and move to an apartment. But she wants to keep her garden.
Or she could get a job to provide financial support if she wants to keep the house. Nope, you can get another job. You have to leave the job.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Why should I get another job? If she wants me to leave my current job then she can take on financial support.
I would like to retire like she retired 14 years ago. There seems to be the assumption that since I have provided financial support I have an obligation to continue providing it.
If the purpose of changing jobs is to reduce the risk of an affair, then that risk still exists at a new job. Retiring reduces this risk.
Last edited by corky63; 11/04/16 04:33 PM.
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Why should I get another job? If she wants me to leave my current job then she can take on financial support. Doesn't the OW work there?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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When it comes to applying boundaries there is no negotiation, no POJA. A spouse has every right to ask their spouse to take action if it is in line with guidelines defined as a marital boundary. If you decline then we'd recommend she move to separate from your abuse. We have not agreed on the boundaries. According to What is an affair? http://www.marriagebuilders.com//graphic/mbi8501_fft.htmlDiscussions (or arguments) about what to include or exclude from the definition of marital infidelity is an effective way to get lost down a path where "Left Brainers" typically dwell and where "Right Brainers" typically get offended. The bottom line to the question is, "Specifically, what was it about the inappropriate relationship' that caused the damage in the marriage?" Was it the sex ([insert definition here]), the emotional bond, the amount of time spent together, the physical attraction? What was it? Talk about it. Get a clear understanding. If you don't understand how or why it happened and why it hurt the spouse, the probability of it happening again is very high. Since I crossed Shere's boundaries, I had an affair in her opinion. Since I did not cross my boundaries, then I did not have an affair in my opinion. We need to discuss the boundaries. In this discussion other issues such as financial support are also now a consideration.
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You had an affair. But we can call it a dog fart if you choose. It's all the same to me.
The fact remains that you have to leave the job and end all contact with this woman FOR LIFE. This woman has just about destroyed your marriage and nothing will change until all contact is ended.
You need to stay on the topic of the job problem until it is resolved. This is the biggest issue right now.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
Since I crossed Shere's boundaries, I had an affair in her opinion. Since I did not cross my boundaries, then I did not have an affair in my opinion. We need to discuss the boundaries. In this discussion other issues such as financial support are also now a consideration. You need to stop pettifogging the issue and make plans to find another job. It doesn't matter if you don't agree you violated boundaries. You did. And your wife should prepare to separate from you if you won't give your 30 day notice.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My wife has said she will divorce me if I change jobs, so that is not a good option.
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My wife has said she will divorce me if I change jobs, so that is not a good option. It is the only option. You will be divorced if you don't. Anything that comes before your marriage will come between it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have had my job for 27 years and been married for 19 years. While I don't want to divorce, finding a new wife will be easier then finding a new job.
Shere can post details, but the OW and I are not allowed to see each other at work.
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I have had my job for 27 years and been married for 19 years. While I don't want to divorce, finding a new wife will be easier then finding a new job.this is how we know you are in an affair. Also, cruel to write that you value your job more than your wife where your wife can see
Shere can post details, but the OW and I are not allowed to see each other at work. how well did that work the first time?
Last edited by apples123; 11/04/16 07:23 PM.
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When it comes to applying boundaries there is no negotiation, no POJA. A spouse has every right to ask their spouse to take action if it is in line with guidelines defined as a marital boundary. If you decline then we'd recommend she move to separate from your abuse. We have not agreed on the boundaries. According to What is an affair? http://www.marriagebuilders.com//graphic/mbi8501_fft.htmlDiscussions (or arguments) about what to include or exclude from the definition of marital infidelity is an effective way to get lost down a path where "Left Brainers" typically dwell and where "Right Brainers" typically get offended. The bottom line to the question is, "Specifically, what was it about the inappropriate relationship' that caused the damage in the marriage?" Was it the sex ([insert definition here]), the emotional bond, the amount of time spent together, the physical attraction? What was it? Talk about it. Get a clear understanding. If you don't understand how or why it happened and why it hurt the spouse, the probability of it happening again is very high. Since I crossed Shere's boundaries, I had an affair in her opinion. Since I did not cross my boundaries, then I did not have an affair in my opinion. We need to discuss the boundaries. In this discussion other issues such as financial support are also now a consideration. Keeping secrets from your wife with the OW = affair
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Did you read the article about OS "friends?"
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I have had my job for 27 years and been married for 19 years. While I don't want to divorce, finding a new wife will be easier then finding a new job. This pretty much indicates the marriage is over if you place your little job over your wife. Is suspect that you actually place your OW over your wife and this is the reason you refuse to leave your job. Shere can post details, but the OW and I are not allowed to see each other at work. This means nothing. As long as you work at the same place you can hook up any time there.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My job is more important than OW and wife. It is Managements expectation that in the future, you will:
� Refrain from engaging in conversations regarding your own or OW's
personal life/circumstances with OW or any other co-worker during
office hours.
� Avoid being in the same room, hallway, elevator, conference room or any
other area in the building as OW at any time unless directed by
management.
� You are not to access the second floor without prior approval from your
supervisor.
� You shall not allow OW to use your assigned parking spot at any
time.
� You shall not give/receive lunch or any other gifts or items to/from OW at any time during work hours.
� Your spouse, **edit**, is not to enter the **edit**
building for any reason at any time without prior authorization from
management.
� For any work group meetings or organization-wide events, you shall
refrain from interacting with OW.
� In the event that you must have a professional interaction with OW,
you must get prior approval by your supervisor or me. During the
interaction, your supervisor and I must be present.
Failure to adhere to these conditions may result in further discipline, up to and including
termination.
Last edited by Denali; 11/08/16 08:18 PM. Reason: removing names
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My job is more important than OW and wife. Yes, we know this. This is why she should separate from you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Corky, Did the OW actually email you at work, about her password, after management dictated no contact?
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Corky, Did the OW actually email you at work, about her password, after management dictated no contact? He works at the same place as the OW. They can SEE each other any time so an email is not the issue. The issue is that he still works at the same place as his OW.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My job is more important than OW and wife. Wow.
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My job is more important than OW and wife. Then why don't you move out like your BW has requested?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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