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Why would I move out? We can't afford that. I have agreed to not contact the OW.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Because you screwed up real bad and your wife requested it, right? There's no "we," here. You broke "we." If you want "we" back it only comes if your wife is enthusiastic. If you can't afford it, get a 2nd job. You made your bed, lie in it. Man up and take responsibility for your deeds. By the way, when my wife insisted I leave the house - I DID, because I had been wrong and had hurt her terribly. And I couldn't afford to do it, either. I was literally broke with maxed out credit cards trying to figure out how to spend the first night in a super 8.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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When you agreed to keep secrets from your wife, you crossed the line. Stop defending this. Own the mistake, buddy. My wife would leave me for this. I'd come home and find the locks changed and my stuff on the lawn.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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My job is more important than OW and wife. Wow. This is why you should leave. This isn't marriage.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Why would I move out? We can't afford that. It doesn't matter if you can afford it. When you are sued for divorce, you will have to come up with the money. I have agreed to not contact the OW. A LIE. You work with her. You refuse to end contact. Either do the decent thing and leave your home OR quit your job. If you won't quit your job, we will counsel your wife to divorce you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2016
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My wife would change the locks. If my wife tried that I would have her arrested. Checklist for How Affairs Should End
__x___The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.
__x___The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.
__N/A___The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.
__x___The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:
__x___Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).
__x___Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).
__x___Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).
__x___Spend leisure time together.
__N/A___Change jobs and relocate if necessary.
__x___Avoid overnight separation.
__x___Allow technical accountability.
__x___ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends. x for items completed, N/A for not applicable.
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corky63, stay off your wife's thread.
ToujoursMB@gmail.com
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Checklist for How Affairs Should End
__x___The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.
__N/A___The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:
__x___Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).
__x___Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).
__x___Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).
__x___Spend leisure time together.
_______Change jobs and relocate if necessary.
__x___Avoid overnight separation.
__x___Allow technical accountability.
__x___ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends. x for items completed, N/A for not applicable. [/quote] A lie. You have not completed the checklist. You have not taken the first step. You can't go onto the next steps until the first is completed.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My wife would change the locks. If my wife tried that I would have her arrested. Checklist for How Affairs Should End
__x___The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.
__x___The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.
__N/A___The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.
__x___The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:
__x___Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).
__x___Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).
__x___Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).
__x___Spend leisure time together.
__N/A___Change jobs and relocate if necessary.
__x___Avoid overnight separation.
__x___Allow technical accountability.
__x___ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends. x for items completed, N/A for not applicable. You are lying. You have not separated from the OW. You see her everyday at work.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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If my wife tried that I would have her arrested. All the more reason she should divorce you.
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Joined: Sep 2016
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I have completed the first step. __x___The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse. I have not seen the OW for 3 weeks.
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If you want your marriage to survive, you will find a new job. Period. Otherwise, she should divorce you.
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I have completed the first step. __x___The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse. I have not seen the OW for 3 weeks. No, you still work at the same place.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2016
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If you try to throw your spouse out of the home and change the locks you would be required to leave. Do not leave the residence voluntarily.
There are several ways that she would be able to legally remove you from the home prior to a divorce. One would be to have you removed for domestic violence, so do not under any circumstances do anything that may be seen as abusive towards her.
Secondly, she may be able to file for a divorce from bed and board which is a civil action for a judicially ordered separation and to have you removed from the marital residence.
The grounds she can use to have you removed are if you abandon her, maliciously turn her out of doors, engage in cruel or barbarous treatment that endangers the life of your wife, offer such indignities to her as to render her condition intolerable and life burdensome, if you excessively use alcohol or drugs, or if you commit adultery.
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Most victimized spouses intuitively understand that all contact with a lover must end for life. Permanent separation not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but it is also a crucial gesture of consideration to someone who has been through hell. What victimized spouse would ever want to know that his or her spouse is seeing or communicating with a former lover at work or in some other activity?
In spite of career sacrifices, friendships, and issues relating to children's schooling, I am adamant in recommending that there be no contact with a former lover for life. For many, that means a move to another state. But to do otherwise fails to recognize the nature of addiction and its cure.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you try to throw your spouse out of the home and change the locks you would be required to leave. You should leave voluntarily. Dr. Harley would tell you to leave. He absolutely does not advocate that you force your wife to leave. And he would tell her to separate from you because of your refusal to leave your OW.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What did you need from us? Since you refuse to follow the very basic steps of Marriage Builders, you are wasting our time. We could be helping someone who is serious about their marriage. It is clear you are not serious. You are only invested in protecting your OW and your little job.
What did you need?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2016
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If she wants to separate then she needs to leave. I am not going to force my wife to leave.
We work in the same building but different floors, I have not seen her.
If she insists I quit my job then I will divorce her.
We need to work on improving the marriage or I may also divorce her. She just got a job tonight so we can separate financially.
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If she wants to separate then she needs to leave. I am not going to force my wife to leave.
We work in the same building but different floors, I have not seen her. Yes, and you can see her anytime at work. So contact has not ended. If she insists I quit my job then I will divorce her. That would be the best thing for her. It is clear you put everything before your marriage so divorce would be the best outcome. WE will help her do that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I want my wife to follow the entire program of recovering from an affair. She accused me of an affair 14 years ago and still brings it up. We have not worked to improve the marriage. If we were to divorce now there would be little lost. She is not meeting my emotional needs. From Surving an Affair My advice to her husband was to avoid mentioning the affair again. When you keep bringing up your spouse�s past mistakes, not only do you make your conversation incredibly unpleasant, but it cannot possibly lead to a resolution of a conflict that you may be discussing.
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