|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
So I know I should proceed as planned, right? Will going on in the letter about how I want our marriage to work be too much? He already knows that I've said I would let him go and give him a divorce, because he's been so insistent and I just didn't want to keep pushing him. I didn't talk to him about reconciling to anything, I didn't talk to him much at all which I think really bothered him. Yes, the letter should be sent as is. He doesn't know what he wants, and if he makes a radical change and meets your conditions, you can CONSIDER taking him back. He has to come back tomorrow to get more items, and then I should be able to go into plan B after that. I am going to work on the letter after my son is in bed, and then I will post it here. good girl! Also, I've gotten some mean messages back from her friends on FB which is sort of sucky. Makes me sort of question doing the exposure, but I know it was the right thing. No surprise that she hangs out with crapwits! Don't let it bother you!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132 |
Letter -
My (husband),
I am so sorry for the part I played in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I selfishly pursued my own goals without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most and we are now both suffering for my mistake. I know that I have made it difficult for you to open up to me and really tell me how you feel. I am sorry for being too critical of you and for not fully appreciating all of your loving gestures.
I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship once and for all. Living with you under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.
Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. (My sister) will be available to make arrangements for (son) and for all other communication. If you want to communicate about (son) or any other matter, it will have to be through her. I will not be available to talk by any means, as it is too painful for me to do so.
I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your actions, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you might be together. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.
As soon as you are willing to permanently end your relationship, follow precautions to avoid absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our relationship, I will be willing to discuss our future together with you. I respect your desire to work on your own emotional struggles and your feelings of being unhappy in our relationship, but in my heart I do not want to permanently separate from you.
My deepest and most sincere hope is that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend again, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.
I cared for you when we married and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you or help you as long as you are in this relationship.
I still love you to pieces,
(signed Me)
.......edits?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132 |
Also, I should hand write this, right?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Letter -
My (husband),
I am so sorry for the part I played in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I selfishly pursued my own goals without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most and we are now both suffering for my mistake. I know that I have made it difficult for you to open up to me and really tell me how you feel. I am sorry for being too critical of you and for not fully appreciating all of your loving gestures.
I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship once and for all. Living with you under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.
Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. (My sister) will be available to make arrangements for (son) and for all other communication. If you want to communicate about (son) or any other matter, it will have to be through her my sister. I have attached a visitation schedule for you. I will not be available to talk by any means, as it is too painful for me to do so.
I also insist that son not ever be exposed to your affair partner, Joe Blow's wife. He is very upset about this situation.
I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your actions, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you might be together. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.
As soon as you are willing to permanently end your relationship, follow precautions to avoid absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our relationship, I will be willing to discuss our future together with you. I respect your desire to work on your own emotional struggles and your feelings of being unhappy in our relationship, but in my heart I do not want to permanently separate from you.
My deepest and most sincere hope is that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend again, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.
I cared for you when we married and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you or help you as long as you are in this relationship.
I still love you to pieces,
(signed Me)
.......edits? Good! i did change one thing. You need to attach a visitation schedule so you aren't constantly in contact with him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Also, I should hand write this, right? No, you can type it out! that is fine.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Does your sister understand she is only to pass on PERTINENT information about son and finances in her own words? She should not forward his emails or send you any of his fogbabble or manipulations.
Did you give her my email address?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132 |
Does your sister understand she is only to pass on PERTINENT information about son and finances in her own words? She should not forward his emails or send you any of his fogbabble or manipulations.
Did you give her my email address? She is coming in from out of town tonight, and I am going to talk to her in person about it tomorrow. I will give her your email address then to contact you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
perfect! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132 |
My WS just asked me why HR would be calling... I'm scared he's going to lose his job. Did I make a mistake??
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 284
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 284 |
No you did not, he did. If he loses his job is just a consequence of his actions, not yours
FBW 36 (me)
DH 35
DD6,DD4,DS1
On Recovery
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
My WS just asked me why HR would be calling... I'm scared he's going to lose his job. Did I make a mistake?? No, you did not!! You should be scared if he doesn't lose that job because if he doesn't, his affair is sure to continue and you will soon be competing with the OW for his salary. He can get another job. They won't likely fire him, but they will put pressure on him at work. Please think LONG TERM here! I wouldn't take his call.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
When are you going in a dark Plan B so you don't have to hear this crap?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132 |
When are you going in a dark Plan B so you don't have to hear this crap? I just gave him the letter 20 minutes ago. I put in a couple pictures, one from our wedding day when we are kissing after cutting the cake, one of he and I and our son blowing out the candles on our son's 2nd birthday cake and a pic of us from my sister's wedding last year. Hope that was ok to do.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
When are you going in a dark Plan B so you don't have to hear this crap. I just gave him the letter 20 minutes ago. I put in a couple pictures, one from our wedding day when we are kissing after cutting the cake, one of he and I and our son blowing out the candles on our son's 2nd birthday cake and a pic of us from my sister's wedding last year. Hope that was ok to do. Good job! Now, you have to have a plan to cut off any possible avenue of contact. Are oyu prepared? Do you have him blocked on your phone? What about email? Are the locks changed? Is your sister prepared?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132 |
She is. The only thing about the phone is I want my son to be able to call him and vice Versa. I want to possibly just get him a prepaid phone to call on, is that a good idea?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132 |
Locks are already changed also
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
She is. The only thing about the phone is I want my son to be able to call him and vice Versa. I want to possibly just get him a prepaid phone to call on, is that a good idea? A prepaid phone is a great idea. I would also explain Plan B to your son and tell him what you are doing and why. Ask him not to pass on messages for his father. If his father asks him to do that, he can say "mom asked that you contact Aunt XX to send her a message, otherwise she won't get it."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132 |
I just drove home after being out a bit with my sisters. Tonight my son is spending the night at WS's apartment. Being in the house alone is making me so sad. I just want to scream at him "Look what you took from me!" ....I even have to be apart from my son now against my will. I can't believe he did this to me. I hate him right now.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 132 |
Thank you. It's been hard.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
1,190
guests, and
65
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
