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I was CC'd on the email with the boss, HR, OW, and lawyer. They are all legit work emails and they responded with "verified". The email stated that they all verify they spoke regarding the affair, that they agreed to end it, and he apologized to the boss for putting him in that situation and asked for patience while he worked this out with his family. Did he actually SAY it was an affair? Do they all know the basic FACTS and the name of the OW? And have you spoken to these people personally to confirm absolutely they know about it? Do they know the OW is a female in the workplace?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
I was CC'd on the email with the boss, HR, OW, and lawyer. They are all legit work emails and they responded with "verified". The email stated that they all verify they spoke regarding the affair, that they agreed to end it, and he apologized to the boss for putting him in that situation and asked for patience while he worked this out with his family. Did he actually SAY it was an affair? Do they all know the basic FACTS and the name of the OW? And have you spoken to these people personally to confirm absolutely they know about it? Do they know the OW is a female in the workplace? Here is the exact email: I�m sorry to put you in this position. Please verify for (my name) that we discussed today that I am married and entered into a relationship with (OW name) and have continued that relationship for two years while married. Also, please verify you do not support this behavior and that you acknowledge it cannot continue. Please verify that OW and I have discussed separately with you and have ended this relationship and that we plan to speak together tomorrow. Again, I�m sorry to put you is this position and look forward to moving past this. Thank you for your patience as I work this out with (my name) and my family.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Thanks for posting it. Can you call or visit his boss and the HR director tomorrow to ensure they have all the facts of the affair? If this is in the open, it should not be an issue. You don't need to tell your H in advance, just stop by or call and have that discussion.
Did you read our comments about his leaving the job? That is your only hope, I am sorry to say.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Dec 2016
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Thanks for posting it. Can you call or visit his boss and the HR director tomorrow to ensure they have all the facts of the affair? If this is in the open, it should not be an issue. You don't need to tell your H in advance, just stop by or call and have that discussion.
Did you read our comments about his leaving the job? That is your only hope, I am sorry to say. I have spoken to the boss via email discussing the affair. I read and take to heart your comments regarding his job. Thank you for taking the time out of your evening. I appreciate it.
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I have spoken to the boss via email discussing the affair. I read and take to heart your comments regarding his job. Thank you for taking the time out of your evening. I appreciate it. I am so very sorry you are in this position, my friend. Just know that there is a very specific path out of this and if you are willing we will help you walk out. It is not easy but the rewards are great. The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. But when it's followed, it always works. The plan has two parts that must be implemented sequentially. The first part of the plan is for the unfaithful spouse to completely separate from the lover and eliminate the conditions that made the affair possible. The second part is for the couple to create a romantic relationship, using my Basic Concepts as a guide.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The next day it was exposed to their boss. There is a legal team and HR involved now to keep them separate. Our parents and closest friends know. Unfortunately this will not bring your WH out of the affair fog. The affair fog will continue as long as he is at the same workplace as the OW. I had a similar situation (boss knew, they were being kept apart) with my ex WH back in 2007 and he was EXTREMELY foggy as long as he was at that workplace. As soon as he left, his attitude towards me and our M improved dramatically. You are in a false recovery and the only answer is to get him out of there.
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Our parents and closest friends know. Did you expose to your children? Sorry if this was answered and I missed it.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Our children are 10 and 8. I believe I know the right thing to do. But bringing them into my pain seems unfathomable. Here Exposing to Children
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He says he doesn't want to make any decisions right now because he is focusing on figuring out what led to the affair. Yikes. This is basically fog speak for "I can't help you with the pain I've caused you and our family because I'm still thinking about the OW." This is the way ACTIVE waywards speak. This should be more confirmation to you that there is no hope for your M as long as he is at that workplace. Please do not tell him about this forum and I wouldn't bother trying to work on "marriage building" while he is still at that workplace. You are going to burn yourself out and hurt your chances for a FULL recovery once you actually get NC into place.
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He has told me he is willing to consider switching jobs. It's a huge decision though.. This is his dream job. Well paid. The choice is easy. A "dream job" is nothing compared to having a happy marriage and INTACT family. Your M is at extreme risk each day that your WH goes into work. Do you realize this? I don't think you do or the choice would be easy. Sorry to be blunt but sometimes that is the only way to get through to foggy people on this forum.
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