Start by sending an email that Joyce and Dr Harley will receive at

MBRadio@MarriageBuilders.com

WierdSituation:

The fact that you have a restraining order against you, and your lawyer is adamant that if you expose you could lose joint custody of your children and assets that would normally go to you after a divorce, I'd take your lawyer's advice. I don't know enough about your situation as I only have your side of the story. But from what I have read in this thread so far, I'm not sure that exposure at this time would save your marriage, and you risk losing joint custody and significant assets. After the divorce is over, exposure would no longer be a legal risk, and I would encourage you to do it then. You will have a chance to remarry if you don't date for about two years, and offer your help to your ex-wife as she struggles to make sense of what has just happened to her. She was expecting sole custody and plenty of child support plus additional assets, and when it never came through, and her affair partner isn't the help she thought he would be, she might come to her senses. By the, she would have nothing, not even her affair partner. You might then step in to save her from her huge mistake if you are still interested in saving your relationship with her.

Dr. Harley

Thank you very much.

Dr. Harley, this is sound advice. I thought about it in the last couple of days and I decided to follow it. Thank you.

Hi All.

What should I do in the meantime? ENs?

Hello

How far and and wide is a far and and wide exposure? What are the limits?

Do you expose to friends and relatives of the spouse of the OW/OM?
My thinking is that the spouse may not put pressure on OW/OM and may try to hide it from other people. She may also have heard the OW/OM's story already before one exposes.

I have more questions and I will post them one by one as the thread progresses to get quality answers and avoid confusion.

Thank you.

Have you read this? It has all your answers in here.
Exposure 101

I have read your thread and have the feeling there is more to your story than you posted. Dr. Harley explicitly advised you not to expose until after the divorce. Is your divorce finalized?

Yes, I have read it. I ask because I have seen in many posts that people have been advised to go beyond what is in the link?

goody2shoes, the divorce is not finalized. I am preparing for exposure.
May you tell me what you think or suspect is needed to add. Or could you tell what makes you think so?

Threads merged. Please stick to one thread.

Thanks.

Can you be specific?

I read who the exposure targets are supposed to be on exposure 101 link.
I feel my situation needs me to expand my exposure targets. I also have seen in some posts whereBH/BW had to widen their exposure targets specifically to friends and relatives of spouse of affair partner.

My WW�s friends are a click mostly in a country where clicks are the norm. These friends will support each other to death and this will deter their influence own her. They will also try to keep the affair a close guarded secret because they would not want other people to know. Because of this I was thinking of exposing to some friends of these friends and some friends of their husbands - maybe 2 friends of each friend on Facebook. That way the word can travel and will help shine the light on WW. It is a country where the word spreads fast. I do not want this affair to be under the wraps.

My WW has not allowed me to talk to her friends and family because she is afraid of shame and embarrassment on how she handled the divorce. What she did was very bad and violent. We do not live in that country but her aim will be to retire there I think and having people there know what happened will important. Should I do this?

I also thought that I should tell the friends' husbands first and then tell the friends about 5 hours later after they have heard from their husbands. This way they will be scared that one day she may sleep with their husbands. They will therefore look at holding her accountable for her affair and not trust her. Should I do this?

Concerning the spouse pf affair partner.. She may not want to tell her friends and relatives again because of embarrassment. I want the OM to feel the heat. I can do that by exposing to spouse� friends and relatives. Should I do this?

My WW has not added friends on FB since the divorce. She has friends on Linkedin whom I want to expose the affair to. Some of these friend are colleagues from workplace with OM. I can take their names and search on FB if they have accounts and expose. This way I avoid Linkedin for reasons associated with work/career damage for her or me. Should I do this?

Same with OM concerning Linkedin. Should I do this?

I also have time to plan since I have to wait for divorce to end. It is a pain to wait. The divorce may even take 2 more years. it has been one year and nothing has been achieved. No custody, financial and property. We are in one the largest cities in the US where divorce takes three years and even more to finalize. Who knows she may have another man at that time or will be with OM and relationships will have gone very deep. Because of this lengthy time I feel exposure may not be powerful. However I will still do it. I think the exposure will serve many good purposes. How do you deal with the pain to wait?

I am suspecting that WW is seeing someone else now with the other OM in a far away country. We are in separation mode. She goes out the nights I am with kids. I cannot hire a PI because I do not have money.
What should I do?
How can I find out?
Any investigative methods?
If she is seeing someone can it help in divorce and custody? I can inform my lawyers.
Thank you all.

Wierdsituation,

you have already exposed.
You already have a restraining order against you.
Further exposure to people, because you want to punish your WW is going to convince other people you are a creep and will not help bring your marriage together.
Further stalking with illegal methods will bring you only heartache.

If you cannot do plan A anymore, it is time to go to plan B.
You have to think of your sanity and of the children.

Dr Harley specifically advised against exposure in your case.
I have read your entire thread.

Stop your stalking behaviour, you have to take the high road here and help your children through this. They need a sane parent.
It is not worth it.
Rather become a better and more attractive version of you.
A version any woman would be happy to date.

Don't be so needy as to keep stalking her. You are giving her too much power in your mind.

Happy heart. I am not sure what makes you think I have exposed. All along I have seeking an advice on how to expose. I have not exposed and that is the reason I wrote to Dr. Harley and he said expose after divorce. That is when I will expose. I am just preparing to expose. For now Dr. has said do not do anything.

Temporary Order of Protection expires in a few hours.

I guess the question is what if she is seeing someone now who is not the original OM - what do I do?

Your situation is somewhat difficult.
Your wife moved out more than a year ago and you are divorced (if finalized).
Maybe you can talk to Dr H on the radio show to know how to best handle exposure in your situation.

Exposure is so effective because it shines the light of day on the affair. Most people will not oppose a relationship after there has been a divorce.
Did you have in-laws that were supportive of the marriage?

Given that she moved out a long time ago, you can take your time and ask Dr. Harley.

Yes, it is difficult. Did you see Dr.'s reply in the thread? I will contact Dr. after the divorce is finalized or near finalization. It will take time - maybe 2 years more.The FIL was supportive. MIL is not mentally OK..