I definitely understand not knowing anything for sure until we've dated in person and that was always the intention and the reason we had planned a trip for me to go see her. We worked out the dates for me to be out there and everything, she has kids and made sure we planned around their spring break so this was always a 2-way thing which is why I'm so shocked about what happened and how it happened.

I've went out on dates with a lot of ppl since I divorced...maybe 10-15 range don't really remember as some of them were just one time because the connection wasn't right. I have had 2 people I dated alot but neither worked out. This is the first time I've ever spoken to someone or text them this long without actually meeting, but honestly we hit it off better than anyone else that I have dated since I divorced even the women I dated alot (by that I mean 15-20 times)

And idk it was just so weird in like 15 minutes and between 3-4 text messages she just stopped responding...idk if maybe she misunderstood something I said because as I had mentioned some of our texts in the past she thought I was saying I was done or wanted to move on...I hope thats not the case here.

Its just disappointing and hurtful when you feel like something is going great and you feel a definite real connection and then something like this happens...I still don't even know why and I think that is what is driving me crazy. Like I didn't even get a chance to explain anything.

Several people have explained "why" on this thread. If you still can't see what your mistake was, then I think it is very prudent for you to back off until you can see it.

You shot a big hole in this developing relationship. It didn't just happen, you caused it to happen by some very specific behavior that would turn most women off.

No I understand what I did wrong don't get me wrong. I mean we have very open back and forth dialogue and I was surprised there was no opportunity for dialogue or even to clarify. Especially since we had so much daily communication and both indicated to each other that we were a big priority to each other.

I'm just hurt you know...I didn't see this coming at all.

I would say this: Any relationship that is based on meeting ENs by texting or phone calls is a very weak thing. With all the online dating and social media and how "easy" it is to chat and meet needs, this is not a good way to connect with someone.

It's bad in two ways:
1) you can get swept up in something that isn't how you wouldn't develop the same way if you were meeting IRL
and
2) these types of relationships have a tendency to fall apart very fast (I have a good friend who this happened to, she was devastated and I read an article that talked about this.)

In the future, keep the texting and chatting to a minimum and escalate it to meeting in IRL. That is a rule I have for myself when I do online dating to avoid disappointment and getting swept up in something that isn't real.

Women don't give men a chance to "dialogue" or "clarify" when he acts in a stalking manner. Even now, you are expecting far more from her than she has to give.

I appreciate the time and responses here. I'm pretty bummed because most of the comments here don't sound promising but I definitely appreciate the candor. Ultimately my biggest reason for posting was to see if people with an outside perspective thought I had a chance to fix this and if so so advice on how to. I'm so regretful of how I handled this and wish there was something I could do and at least explain.

You learned something for next time, what behavior to avoid so it's a good thing, not a bad one.

I would encourage you to date more. I've dated kind of a lot over the last four years and collected a lot of OS friendships and focused more on my kids and building a life for myself vs looking for a serious relationship. I know men are different but considering how fragile blended marriages are, I would encourage you to think about doing the same.

I would use this to figure out why you felt so insecure and clingy in the first place.

If I had someone who I had never met respond this way (ie not respond to communication, look like they were avoiding me...) I would assume they were not real interested and I would start moving AWAY from that person and not the opposite.

Learn for a better future, that's why we are all here afterall.

Thanks. I do know why...obviously my marriage dealt with infidelity and the 2 people I dated "a lot" also ended up speaking to other and lying about it after we had agreed to not see other people even though we weren't in a serious relationship.

This has caused me to notice every little thing and be very insecure. I know this is totally my fault and something I need to get over and not penalize any prospective partners for my past experiences. I am fully aware its just so hard to not let your mind wander when "your radar" picks something up.

Hopefully I can learn to deal with this...any suggestions? Do you think speaking to a therapist would help?

In May 2016, you wrote that you had a girlfriend who had moved in with you. What happened to that relationship?

Once we moved in together it only lasted 2 months and I think it ended maybe a couple weeks after that post. She was very jealous, possessive and became physical. I couldn't have her or my children in that type of environment. Honestly, I should have seen it coming because she had a terrible temper even before we moved in together but I didn't make a wise, logical decision.

That was a definite learning experience...she also use to flirt with others and message them on text and social media to try and make me jealous and get me to react when she was mad. It was just a terrible relationship.

Have you read Dr. Harley's material on living together before marriage?
What is it Like to be Married After Living Together?
Living Together Before Marriage

I think what would help is for you to slow right down. You should never have moved in with anybody, much less that woman, because living together is a bad way to prepare for marriage. And if this wasn't a prelude to marriage, why did you move in with her? Also, what led you to think that moving in with such a disturbed person was a good idea?

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married again, but as someone (Susie?) pointed out, the issues with blended families are daunting. Second marriages fail often because of fighting over step-kids.

I don't know what a therapist could do for you that you couldn't do for yourself. Slow down and don't become intense as quickly as you have done - twice, now.

I agree with SugarCane.

Slow down.

Why do you feel the need to get so emotionally involved in these relationships right away?

Why were you asking women to agree to not see other people if you weren't even in a serious relationship?

It just seems from your posts that you meet someone, get excited about them, and quickly ask for exclusivity before the relationship is at that point, and get upset and possessive when you find out they are not being exclusive.

It is true that the girls you are seeing shouldn't be lying about their intentions, but you should slow it down and not push for exclusivity before you have a serious relationship or have even met someone in person. You should stop unfairly expecting this of girls who have no obligation to give it to you at that point.

What I meant by serious relationship was like moving in together and such...we did agree to exclusivity and it wasn't only because of me or at my request. But those 2 instances (the moving in was serious but another I dated for 4 months and we together decided after 3 months we didn't want to see other people but also wanted to only date and not get attached if that makes sense).

I do agree with the slowing down and needing to take things slower. Its just so tough when you really like someone and they want as much attention as you can give and you also want it in return. I guess its just something I need to learn.

I meant a therapist to deal with my insecurity/trust issues.

As far as the woman I moved in with I'm pretty sure it was the first relationship after my marriage and I was still coping with fear of being alone. That was a mistake on my part and I really don't have a good explanation as to why I thought it was going to work out. And yes my intention was to remain committed and not only be in a temporary relationship.

Dr Harley often warns about the danger of divorced people being too quickly ready to jump into being a buyer.

You need to go through all the stages. That means being a freeloader for six months. During that time both of you are free to date others. At about the six month mark you are ready for the 'shall we agree to be exclusive' discussion. If you do agree, you will become a renter. During your time as renters you can gradually start to introduce MB concepts like the POJA.

Some time between the end of year one and the end of year two you will decide either to marry or to break up.

You will not become a buyer until you actually marry. Moving in together needs to wait till then too.