I come here with an open mind but a broken soul. I was given information from my wife about an affair 35 years ago that has taken me to depths I did not know I was capable of. When I met my wife I saw someone that I thought that could respect honesty, faithful, hard working, caring, all of the things that I believed would make a solid future with each other. I saw that she came from a broken home divorced parents at age 5. Her and her mother moved away from the alcoholic father and she tells me they had no money but piece. That all changed at age 10 when she was in bed with her mother and got to see how a heart attack can take that away. Then she is put back with the monster of a father to raise. Horrible things to say the least but a few of the highlights were days after her mothers funeral her father took her to the doctor for a checkup. Well the checkup turned into a 10 year old in the stirrups with dad at the end of the table checking to see if the cherry was there, take it from there. Gun to the head, running away, taken back to him, lots,lots lots more. I knew these things but like I said I saw someone special, I loved her and married her.
I had all direction in my life destroyed this last July. I was told about two different occurrences that were made where she got into the cars of men at her work and they had their way with her. It has been a very hard time for me to understand what I did wrong, or how I could miss it and she tells me I didn't do anything wrong. She has confessed and I do want to move on but now I have overwhelming desire to make a visit. My belief in god is the only thing that has kept me from making the evening news and that relationship has been strained, tell me how a father can be monster. How can you honestly treat someone with love and respect, don't drink don't cheat truly care for them and then get treated like I have.
I need to know that vengeance is not mine and that there is a god that will execute justice as I have read. I have questioned why this has happened as I lived my life treating everyone with respect. It seems to me these guys are getting off scott free, they are married. Please give me something so I know they will pay.

Hello stop, welcome to Marriage Builders. Your story is very hard to understand and follow because you have so much unrelated, superfluous information in your post. Please leave the past in the past - where it belongs - and focus on the present.

Are you married? How long? Any children? Did the affairs happen 35 years ago? How did you find out?

Did your wife get into their cars voluntarily?

Did they have sex with her with her consent, or without it? Was the action taken by one man at each event, or more than one man?

Was this 35 years ago both times? Do you know the whereabouts of these men today?

Sorry for the way I posted, really hard for me to put into words these things.
We have been married for 37 years with two grown children. the affairs happened 35 years ago and she confessed to me last July 4. Yes she got into the cars voluntarily knowing things were going to happen. First guy was a trip to the park with intercourse, here is where suspicion came into my life with her. She said it was only days later when it was that I came home to my house and there was a truck in my driveway, I went into my house and there was a guy there from her work that,,, was there because we had listed some household stuff to sell at her work so he was there to take a look. She now tells me this is the guy that that took her to the park for sex days before but was convincing to me that meeting at the house was not planned. At the time I was understandably upset with the situation but trusted her explanation. I had no reason not to trust her up to that point. This guy must of been shaken up as he crashed his truck on the way home and I understand had a neck brace to wear. This is where guy two appears a short time later. She gets into his car expecting to get laid but he tells her this is how it is going to be and she has to blow him with the crust of another woman on his member, she said she was scared and had to. She says she quit these things at that time. Yes I know where these beings are now, I will not call them men.

Do you know if these men were married at the time that they had sex with your Wife? Do you believe that these were the only times she cheated?

Have you told your children? Have you exposed this to anyone?

Yes they were married, no there was one more time with an unmarried man, have not exposed to anyone.
This was all brought out into the light last July. Our lives has been a struggle with the underlining suspicion. I might throw in here that four years after the affairs ended and six months after our second child was born my wife suffered a brain aneurism that nearly took her life and left her with stroke like affects. I stayed with her through it all. The years of torment came to a head 7 months ago as deep inside feelings made their way out.
I have been visiting this site since July to figure out if I can have a life with her. You ask if I have exposed her to anyone and I have toiled with that many an hour. Three decades ago she did these things yes no doubt. Now our children are grown and very successful, one is a doctor and the other is a lawyer.
Exposing her now after 35 years of being faithful and confessing on her own to me last July would seem like a step backward now. I have come to grips with the situation. Like I said in the beginning her upbringing with the abusive father is likely at the root of the problem and she now has taken responsibility for the awful things she has done.
I do have the desire to track down these guys but I know as sure as I am sitting here that that they will die if I do. I know it takes two to tango and she didn't fight them off like she should have but they did pursue her.
This is where I need help. I need to know that they will get what they deserve in the end, I need to know there is a god.

What caused her to suddenly confess after 35 years?

Stop, Focusing on her childhood is a distraction from solving the problem. The root of the problem is that she was either pursuing affairs with these men or she has such poor boundaries that she had affairs. Which do you think it is? It is her adult behavior that caused the problem, not her childhood. What is her explanation? You really need to know the answer, so you can know if she truly has changed. If she has, what happened that caused her to stop it?

Dr. Harley would recommend that you expose the affair to your family members. I would also reach out to the spouses of these men if you can find them and inform them about what happened. Even though it has been 30 years, this will protect them from a reoccurrence. Just think, if you die first, these men could visit your funeral and your kids would never be the wiser. I know of 2 occasions in my own family where this happened so it is not uncommon. These men can't ever come into your lives again if the family knows about it.

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