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It is better for your marriage to let things cool off than to fight with one another.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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What are doing about your AOs?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Read this and listen to the radio clips in here and the new radio clips at the end of the thread. Anger Management 101
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 16
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Okay, I understand better now. I think I started off the negotiation well but got derailed when I felt my H wasn't open to considering my request. I see how I made the SD.
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Joined: Feb 2017
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What are doing about your AOs? I try to slow down and communicate before reacting but I know I need to do more. In the beginning of our relationship I did see a therapist that helped me loads with my anger issues but I can still get frustrated quickly when I feel there is a lack of "good will" between us. I'm going to go through the link you posted - it should be very helpful, thanks!
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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What are doing about your AOs? I try to slow down and communicate before reacting but I know I need to do more. In the beginning of our relationship I did see a therapist that helped me loads with my anger issues but I can still get frustrated quickly when I feel there is a lack of "good will" between us. I'm going to go through the link you posted - it should be very helpful, thanks! Good, tell us what you get from the radio clips.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,156 Likes: 1
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What is the reason you married a man more that twice your age who has been married twice before? What where the qualities that attracted you? Are any of you still on the dating site?
MD
happily married to and in love with DH
3 children out of the house, 2 more to go
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Joined: Mar 2010
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I've just told my husband about the relationship and have showed him this thread. I will write a letter also but does it have to be old fashioned mail letter? Or would some sort of text be okay? That's the only form of communication I have with him.
I've also promised my husband I will never talk to him again and will block his number after sending the letter. What was his reaction?
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Joined: Feb 2017
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What is the reason you married a man more that twice your age who has been married twice before? What where the qualities that attracted you? Are any of you still on the dating site? I was hesitant about his age at first honestly. But when we got to know each other he was incredibly kind, caring, and understanding. He also used to communicate with me a lot and was generally quite lovey dovey. We would cuddle every night and be very close. Those are the the things that won me over. Neither of us are on the dating site now. We deleted our profiles together actually, within the first 3-4 months of dating.
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Joined: Feb 2017
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He was surprised because I had promised I wouldn't contact him again (last year). He said he wasn't mad about it. My H doesn't show much emotion in general but I think he was just sad, and I was too. I know it doesn't seem like much but for the first time in a long time we cuddled on the couch and actually had some form of intimacy.
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Good, tell us what you get from the radio clips. Okay I see that I need to avoid AOs at all costs and that other aspects of the marriage can't really be addressed if I'm getting angry. I can't blame my H for making me angry. And that if I practice some relaxation techniques I can sort of re-wire my brain to be a more calm person. Still have some more clips to listen to.
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Joined: Feb 2017
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My H has changed his phone password and will not let me know what it is. He's saying he cannot trust me and maybe over time when we build back trust he will take the passcode off. I thought MB principles were based on full transparency - no passwords or secrets? I don't have any codes on my devices and never have. How do I deal with this?
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Joined: Mar 2010
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Pwncess, I would say that your husband's lack of a reaction is very odd. That, along with locking his phone, are red flags. Start snooping for an affair.
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Pwncess, I would say that your husband's lack of a reaction is very odd. That, along with locking his phone, are red flags. Start snooping for an affair. Yes I generally feel like he does not care and isn't interested in trying to fix things. I mentioned to him that the passcode was a serious red flag. He told me it was because of the email I sent to his mother after our physical fight was the reason he locked it down but it makes me extremely suspicious. I think the only possible way he is having an affair would be some lunch time thing while he is "working." Otherwise he's home and no time is unaccounted for. He's also signed up to the boards and is viewing the thread, not sure why he hasn't posted yet..
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How is it going Pwncess?
Do you have a plan in place?
BW-3 Kids
Sep:2014
Divorced
"I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
I will persist until I succeed." Og Mandino
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How is it going Pwncess?
Do you have a plan in place? My H reversed the passcode on his phone rather promptly after I showed him this thread. He's definitely not having an affair but I still feel like I am halfway out the door myself. We are trying to stop the love busters and make deposits to each other's love banks. It is starting to go in a better direction but I still need more. Any helpful tips along the way would be great. I do wish my H shared my passionate hobby more, or that we could find a different hobby we could enjoy together. I think I feel there's a lack of connection since I'm not getting enough undivided attention and conversation.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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If he doesn't have anything to hide then why is he changing his passcode? Did you show him this thread to read?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 16
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If he doesn't have anything to hide then why is he changing his passcode? Did you show him this thread to read? He said he did that because after our physical fight I took his phone and emailed his mother about what happened. Yes I showed him the thread.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
If he doesn't have anything to hide then why is he changing his passcode? Did you show him this thread to read? He said he did that because after our physical fight I took his phone and emailed his mother about what happened. Yes I showed him the thread. Why did you show him this thread when we advised you to snoop?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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