Hi, I am new here so it is possible all my issues have been answered million times... Sorry if that's true.

Let me start telling about us! Me and my husband have been together for 20 years.... Not very happy years. Few years ago we almost split up until we found Dr.Harley books. It did for at the beginning but not for long. We have good days and really bad days....

The worts part is... we couldn't be diffrent. My husband loves staying at home, if he could't he wouldn't leave home at all. I am the opposite. We try to do as many things together as we can... But there are some things he wouldn't enjoy at all. For example I would love to join a gym so do some classes but he doesn't let me do anything without him. He uses the book as excuse. He keeps saying book doesn't let you doing anything witout me.... I don't have any girlfriends beacuse it'd mean that maybe sometimes we would meet without him. So we always sit at home doing nothing and I feel like I am in a cage... And whenever I want to do anything (even grossy shopping) without him we end up arguing.
Maybe I see it wrong, maybe i just need some elses opinion!

Please help! I am losing my mind.

Hello Dolly, welcome to Marriage Builders.

How long married? Any kids? Why did you split up a few years ago?

What portion of Marriage Builders concepts did you actually implement?

Hi, no kids. He was very demanding but without giving anything back. He always repeated should love him unconditionally...
We've tried to implement all 10 concepts but we always fail.
I think we are both at withdrawn stage. He keeps saying he hates me and I feel pretty much the same...

Welcome to MB, Dolly.

First of all, what book is he referring to, when he says you must not do anything without him?

Also, it seems as if you (or maybe both of you) see going out of the home to have fun as being the same as going out separately. It isn't.

Dr Harley recommends that couples spend at least 15 hours every week in undivided attention (UA), and the majority of that should be spent outside of the home. The only intimate activity that needs to take place inside the home is sexual fulfilment (SF) - unless you are lucky enough to be able to spend time in hotels, and on weekend breaks away from home.

So, if your husband is throwing "the book" at you, he needs to read where Dr Harley orders couples to get out of the home for 15 hours a week, and do recreational activities that allow for conversation and affection. If your husband is refusing to go out on dates, he is depriving you of a fulfilling marriage.

However, you seem to want to get away from him, to go to the gym and out with girlfriends. Why do you want to do that? Is it because your husband is not very stimulating company? Does he sit in front of the TV and barely acknowledge you, or what?

If your marriage were fulfilling, you wouldn't really want to go out without him. Dates with girlfriends would be infrequent. it is nice to see a friend for coffee or lunch, but if this is your main way of escaping your humdrum marriage, the marriage is in trouble.

Many of us on this board, including me, don't have time to go out with the girls, after we have dates with our husbands and spend time with our kids, and go out to work (or work from home), and see the extended family, and we don't miss that kind of socialising.

How long have you been married? Do you have kids? How many, and what ages?

Are you married? Why did you split up?

Why would he say that, and why do you feel the same?

I think there has been a lot happening over the years in your marriage, and you need to give us more details. This isn't just about not going out.

I don;t want to go out without him, but sometimes evey few months it would be good to meet up and chat about girl things...
He thinks being at home togheter is spending time togther, even though most of the time he spends in front of his computer.

whenever i want to get him out of the house he always says not a problem. But I always feel like I am forcing him! and he wil always pretend he forgot he planned something or deliberately won't remind me, hoping i forget.
I don't want to nag him or feel like I am forcing him. it takes fun at of it

I've just noticed the title of your thread. It reinforces my impression that there are serious problems in your marriage. It is actually a bad sign that you don't want to improve the marriage drastically, but only want to do things on your own.

His not wanting to go out, and your wanting to do things on your own, are only symptoms of a mutual dislike. There is something else behind this dislike.

Please try and answer my question about how you came to "hate" each other as you say you do.

In addition to answering SugarCane's questions could you please answer MelodyLane's questions?

I think she already answered them... they are married (referred to as husband), and they *almost* split up due to his being demanding. Then they found MB and failed in implementation.
Not trying to be pokey, ☺ Is there an additional clarification that is being sought?

I don't see an answer to my questions. I will wait. Thanks.

I didn't see any answer to my questions, either.

I think this poster can speak for herself, don't you?