I am tired people, tired of trying to save ths so called marriage. I live with a man who is an iceburg when it comes to me.<P>If he is happy, well then I should be happy too.<P>I am not happy. I haven't been happy for a very very long time ! I can't be happy worrying that everytime we have a disagreement he will go out and do it again !<P><BR>I need and yes deserve to have a man who loves me, who wants to pay attention to me, who is willing to show me affection.<BR>Without me having to beg or to gripe about it before he will give it.<P>He treated his bimbos like queens, and when it's not a bimbo it's the tv, or computer, or some other toy of his.<P>He even treats his pets with more affection than me.<P>I am tired. I hate my life, I hate me, I must be pretty sorry if my own h doesn't love me. I just want out !<P>I am stuck here for now, no job, no money, no health are w/o h. I have to find a way out of this , it's too painful for me.<BR>

Hi AfraidtoSay -<P>Sounds like you both need some counseling to help with this....H has to open up and you have to understand what he is thinking with these non-actions.<P>Would this be something doable?<P>I am sorry for your pain....I have been there and know the torment.<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

Ah, Sheba, my friend,<BR> I can always count on you. To tell you the truth, I am afraid of both of us getting counseling. I am afraid they will say it's all my fault. That I expect too much and he'll go out and find another woman, again. Yes I want out, but I want it to be on my terms this time. Not his, I'm tired of it alwas being his way. <P><p>[This message has been edited by Afraidtosay (edited November 10, 1999).]

Hello Afraid,<P>I haven't posted to you before (at least I don't think so...). So, welcome, and I'm sorry you have to be here.<P>First of all, <B>this isn't your fault, and it never was</B>. That said, yes, you may have contributed to the problems in the marriage, but your H <B>made the choice to cheat</B>. I can say that because I've been in his place. I've been in your place too. I'm betrayer and betrayed. So, go to the counselor, and the minute he/she says that it's "one" persons fault, find another counselor. We tried a man who said it was my H's fault, and he's soured on counseling now. I could kick that counselor in the a**!<P>Secondly, you said you hate yourself. I have said those very words, and not so very long ago either. That's not a good place to be if you want to rebuild. The way your H is treating you does not mean YOU are the problem. Is he still seeing the OW? Is he withdrawing from her? Those things, though painful, are reasons for his behavior. The question is: can you wait for him to screw his head back on and act like the H you remember? If you can't, then maybe it is time to move on. Only you can decide that one.<P>I am so sorry it's so rough for you right now. Please don't give up! This can be done. Everybody here says so...<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

AfraidtoSay -<P>It is NEVER expecting too much when you are trying to have communication!!<P>If any counselor says that it is - they should be reported and their license revoked!!!<P>that is basically all that you are looking for.....communication as to why he behaves the way he does!!!<P>It's a simple request that deserves an answer and any person would expect the same!!!! If he can't say what is going on then he needs help to figure it out!!<P>Sorry, but it IS that simple!!!! He's the one making it all complicated!!<P>HUGS, <P>Sheba<P>PS - Forgot to say that you are loved by so many....and that I miss you!!<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited November 10, 1999).]

nb,<BR> Yes you have talked to me before just not under THIS name. Our marriage has always been this way, he likes it this way I think. <P>Sheba,<BR> Oh I miss you too ! I miss all of you. I have been too ashamed of my real feelings to post. But I'm tired of pretending too, everything is not fine, I wish it were. But I refuse to post here saying oh everything is great when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and die.

I get so confused with the name-changes. I wonder if I'm repeating... <P>Can I ask, why are you changing your name?<P>TNT, I understood because of abuse issues. Same for you?<P><B> DUH! I'm editing... I know who you are... don't worry about answering. Big hugs I stand by what I said before - not your fault. Remember that!!</B><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited November 10, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited November 10, 1999).]

Hello my friend -<P>How are you feeling now? <P>C'mon out and talk to me.....<P>Or you know what...why don't you email me ... Sheba101@webtv.net...<P>I care and worry about you!!! <P>HUGS, STRENGTH AND PRAYERS,<P>Sheba