I cant believe this is happening to me. I was doing so well. I have done well the past ten months.<P>Now I have finnally lost it. I cant eat I cant sleep. This is effecting work and School. I cant stop crying. Not because she is gone, But has become of her. I just called her. I needed some one to talk to. She told me to call her dad at work. I cant talk to him about what she has done. <P>I did see the counseler. He asked me How far will go with this. I told him there is no limit. I just cant turn off my emotions. He wants me to try and get her to go with me the next time.<P>After I left him I went to see W while she was picking up the kids at MIL's. I told her If she wanted me to stop coming over then I would. She said she has no problam w/me coming to see the kids. I told her that it hurts when I see her.<P>She said all she wants is a friend right now. I said that is all I want to be right now. I also asked why she just calls sometimes. She always forgets what she is going to say. I told her That I know she does it cause she wants to talk and dont. Its like she reaches out for me and then as i am reaching back she just pull away. DAMN I HATE THIS. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life How do yall cope?????????????????<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

Oh Brownphd -<P>Here's a BIG HUG for you....<P>Now take a couple of deep breaths, OK?<P>Yep, this sure is the hardest thing alot of us have ever faced....<P>You have so many positives here and if you don't get a grip - you could LOSE it for real......<P>What EXACTLY is effecting you the most...let's try to figure out how to deal better....OK?<P>Hurry, though cuz it's midnight for me and I've got a 8am workday tomorrow!! LOL!!<P>You are doing great.....hang on......<P>Hugs, <P>Sheba

brownphd -- Hadn't heard from you and was wondering how you were.<P>Two things I want to comment on.<P>First, your counselor told you to turn off your emotions. This advice was not given to you to belittle your feelings. Far from it. Right now you are consumed by your emotions. We have all felt this way. Unfortunately it is a normal part of the process. It is very hard, believe me I understand this very well. basically what the counselor is trying to say is that you need to find a way to relax, at least a little.<P>The other thing I wanted to comment on is your W's phone calls and stuff. If she is calling you, she is reaching out to you. She is hurt and confused by EVERYTHING that has happened. She turns to you, gets scared and then really doesn't say or do anything. Just the fact that she IS turning to you sounds very positive to me. It is going to take her some time to feel more comfortable and really be able to open up to you. You also mentioned that she wants a friend right now. . .That is part of the reason she is calling you in the first place. She knows that you are her friend, yet at the same time she knows she has hurt you. She really is being pulled from both sides.<P>Be a friend to her. When she calls, listen to her. If she wants to be held, hold her. Don't talk about what has happened, unless you are able to get her to go to counselling with her. Conversation will come in time, until then, just be there. Bite your tounge if you have to, but just be there.<P>I am praying for you my friend.<P>God Bless

Hey Brownphd -<P>Where'd you go? I have to go to sleep, but I don't want to without hearing from you.....<P>ES has some great insight about this for you....I can help with your wife's mind sometimes but he might be better at helping with your emotions....listen to him!!<P>I'll wait a few more minutes and then will have to check on you in the am.<P>HUGS, STRENGTH and PRAYERS, <P>Sheba