Hi there.

For those of you who have followed along with my and hangnthere's saga....I had an affair 12 years ago before we were married...a few years after we were married, my wife had one...and now...my wife is 7 ,days returned from moving out and moving in with another man for 2 months

I was crushed this time...it was different. When I had mine...I left for 4 months and I destroyed her...but moved in with my brother. This time I felt she left for someone else.

This is not the case. She was leaving anyway. He became a convenient excuse. It WAS an affair nonetheless.

Our marriage was rocky for a long time. I don't think my wife ever got over my affair. I was a hero to her. The first guy ever to treat her right and never cheat. And I became human. I have been faithful ever since.

This time it got ugly. We were moments from divorce with our first court fmdate set for 5/10. Luckily she found out what a jerk this other guy was an maybe gained a little appreciation for me.

So she came home a week ago...it has honestly been a cuddle and sex fest. It has been nothing short of crazy.

Anyway....I want to do this right this time...I want this to last. Seems that no matter what we do...we always drift back to each other.

So I am here for guidance. I want us to stay happy this time. I want us to truly reconnect.

Hi, Jimbo,

I am glad to hear your wife is back. Regardless of motivations, the two of you can put this back together again, but be aware that the path to recovery is a very narrow path. In Dr. Harley's experience, if couples deviate from the path, the marriage will not survive.

If you don't already have it, get Dr. Harley's book Surviving an Affair. Make sure you have the revised addition because it is full of checklists you need to follow if you want to recover.

The most important checklist is the checklist of extraordinary precautions the two of you need to follow to prevent another affair. If you both rigorously follow this checklist, you will both feel safe and secure and an affair will not be possible, and recovery becomes possible.

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

What have you and your WW done from the checklist?

Honestly...almost all if it. It has been very open honest and transparent so far.

Could you be more specific and actually tell us what has and hasn't been done? You could be setting yourself up for a false recovery again.

What EPs have been put in place?

Have you read this?
False recovery-need voices of experience

It is concerning that you seem to have had her leave her current AP and move back home, then you kindof disappear from the boards, and when you are asked a question give a very general reply.

Are you planning to follow through this time with an MB marriage?

What does 'almost all of it' mean, what has NOT been done?