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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 57
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 57 |
Have you read this and listened to the radio clips in here? Anger Management 101 What did you get from this? It's been a while. I will listen to it again tonight.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
What happened that caused her to leave? That's a pretty significant issue.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 57
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OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 57 |
What happened that caused her to leave?
We were working on the HWSW workbook on the sex issues. I snickered when the issue of nightie vs pajamas came up and that POJA would say she should wear nothing. It seamed to trigger something in her and we handled the issue poorly. This ruined our UA time that was scheduled for that evening. The next afternoon and evening I thought were pretty good. Not great but I thought pretty good. Sunday a couple of other issues came up that were handled poorly. mostly not on purpose by either of us but resulted in both of us being stressed. At that point I did not recognize her stress in the way she needed me to. Blinded by my hurt, I failed her in her need. I failed to follow the assignment Dr. Harley gave me - to get back into W's good graces. I was there for the previous 2 weeks. but I failed miserably to put her needs ahead of mine which caused stress for her. Bottom line, I failed to care for her in the way she needed.
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 57
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OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 57 |
Have you read this and listened to the radio clips in here?
Anger Management 101
What did you get from this?
It's been a while. I will listen to it again tonight.
I listened to it again. I guess I recognize myself a bit more in it especially when he says I want people to agree with me. He also said that I and only I have control over my anger. Is this also true for stress?
He said when I am frustrated, I can choose anger or solutions. I need to recognize this and look for solutions. I also see that anger doesn't only mean cursing or throwing things. It can also be in how I reply to the things W says.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
What happened that caused her to leave?
We were working on the HWSW workbook on the sex issues. I snickered when the issue of nightie vs pajamas came up and that POJA would say she should wear nothing.
It seamed to trigger something in her and we handled the issue poorly. This ruined our UA time that was scheduled for that evening. The next afternoon and evening I thought were pretty good. Not great but I thought pretty good. Sunday a couple of other issues came up that were handled poorly. mostly not on purpose by either of us but resulted in both of us being stressed. At that point I did not recognize her stress in the way she needed me to. Blinded by my hurt, I failed her in her need. I failed to follow the assignment Dr. Harley gave me - to get back into W's good graces. I was there for the previous 2 weeks. but I failed miserably to put her needs ahead of mine which caused stress for her. Bottom line, I failed to care for her in the way she needed. It doesn't sound like you "failed to put her needs ahead of" yours but that you lovebusted her so badly that she felt she needed to leave. What were the lovebusters? "Blinded by my hurt" sounds very dramatic. Can you be specific about what you mean?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 57
Member
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OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 57 |
It doesn't sound like you "failed to put her needs ahead of" yours but that you lovebusted her so badly that she felt she needed to leave.
What were the lovebusters?
"Blinded by my hurt" sounds very dramatic. Can you be specific about what you mean?
I don't know what the love busters were. All I remember now is that she was hurting and saying she couldn't handle the stress and that I was pushing her away and causing the stress and I couldn't figure out how I was doing this. I was trying to explain that things were great 2 days ago, and wondering what happened rather than just accepting she was stressed. I was also very confused by how fast everything could go from so great to so bad so quick. I was baffled. But mainly I wasn't hearing her. On top of all this I was becoming more hurt by the second because we were going in the wrong direction at lightening speed. Things were so great and went to so bad. She seemed unconsolable and no matter what I said about moving on and not letting this glitch get the better of us, she just kept saying how much stress I was causing her and that she couldn't handle it. I don't know any more than that. I don't know what love busters I used. I did have abrief AO when she was getting in the car to leave. I believe she would say I used DJ also so I must have.
My hurts run deeper that I can express here. I will be emailing Dr Harley.
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