I've been married for 10 years and am going through a peak of stress due to sexless marriage. My wife is a great, caring, affectionate person. I love everything about her, but sex is not in any dictionary. We have 2 kids and believe it or not that is the only time we had it. And even that felt like a biology experiment instead of intimacy. We had it only a couple of times after marriage and then nothing all her first pregnancy and up until my first born reached the age of 5. Yes!... we had'nt had it for 6 years almost... and then we had it which also seemed less of an intimate time and more of sperm transfer experiment. Havent't had it since. Its been maybe 3 years or more. There is everything in life but sex.
I am perfectly healthy and I have an average sex drive. I keep myself tidy, workout 5-6 days a week... talk to my wife, laugh with her, take her out to places... I have spoken to her about this several times and either she makes excuses about kids or being busy and not into it. I dont want to push her to have it and turn it into another experiment. It should be an experience for both me and her..I wish she'd be attracted to me that way too... but its never there.
Emotionally I feel like draining down hell because I see no solution to this. It is too much for me to handle. I've reached to a point where I strongly believe that sex and love are not related at all in any way. Sex itself is a thirst, and sex with the one you love is just a taste. I feel its just going beyond stress now. Last I spoke with her about this she even said she does not mind if explore other options while staying with her. I can go on and on writing about how emotionally distressed and physically deprived I feel, but I dont want to waste the reader's time abt this misery. I'm a happy person in general, but sex has never been the reason for it.

Hi L4Lonely, welcome to Marriage Builders. Please read this article and then come back and discuss it: The question of the ages: How can a...age?

By Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D.

L4, welcome to Marriage Builders. Have you read Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts?

Dr. Harley points out that women need two things in order to desire sex with their husbands: 1) they need to feel emotionally bonded to their husband, and 2) they need to feel that there is some prospect that they are going to enjoy the experience.

In my experience this has been very true with my wife. She doesn't desire sex when she doesn't feel in love with me, and she doesn't desire sex when she thinks it's not going to be done in a way that she enjoys.

Fortunately we were able to use this program to get my wife to fall back in love with me again. If you do the same there's a good chance the two of you can recover your sex life.

Neither this new-found "knowledge" nor this proposed solution will get you anywhere. It is far less important for you to understand what sex is about to you than it is for you to understand what your wife is thinking. These kind of problems are readily addressable via the right combination of medical support and spousal commitment. Think less of this as just your problem, and more as a problem of your marriage that both you and your wife need solutions for.