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I guess I made her mad again. Just some background. She has moved OM's things into her house including his dog. Her plan is that he will be there when the kids are with me. Here's her response.
"I have not moved anyone into my house. They are mistaken if they think this and we need to discuss it.
The agreement on the kids best interest says you are not to talk bad about me and you have not followed this. I'm sorry YOU are upset about my "affair partner" as you call it and are making sure the kids feel exactly as you do since your words are coming out of their mouths.
You have not shown that you want to work with me on these things. And the custody agreement says nothing about anything regarding my house. You are not following the parenting plan, that is your job as a parent.
We will discuss the sale of the property when the divorce papers are final. Have you contacted the lawyer about this or do I need to?" She responded again on a separate email string with - "I will expect the kids at my house on Sunday please." Here's what I am thinking about sending. I just want to make sure this is a good response to all of this. She wants me to force the kids to follow the custody schedule. "Children typically feel the same as a betrayed spouse so please leave me out of it, and quit blaming me for the consequences of your choices. I have made every effort to have <13yr old> to you on time. <17yr old> is 17 and I cannot force him to stay with you, but I will ask <lawyer> what can be done when I talk to him. What other things do you want me to work with you on?"
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I think it's funny she doesn't like me referring to OM as her "Affair Partner".
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Recomend leaving off the first sentence - you can't educate a wayward. It could also be construed as fostering negativity toward her with the children. The rest makes it sound as though you are trying to cooperate and encourage their visitation with her but, short of physically tying them up and transporting them to her, which may be considered child abuse, you don't know what else to do.
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I agree, leave off the first sentence. Don't try to explain to her what children are like.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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DS, I would work very hard on getting the divorce finalized asap so you can move forward. Get er done and then the kids can tell her to take a hike!
Also, I think the line about counseling was great because it demonstrates that you are trying, however, in practice, you have to be real careful about taking your sons to "counseling" for normal behavior. Taking a kid to counseling for being normal gives them the impression there is something wrong with them. Your kids are perfectly normal. The only ones who needs "counseling" are their mother and grandmother.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I was planning on talking to a another lawyer tomorrow and then have the divorce submitted for judgement on Monday.
Do you think I should just have him submit today?
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I was planning on talking to a another lawyer tomorrow and then have the divorce submitted for judgement on Monday.
Do you think I should just have him submit today? Can that be done??
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What is the hold up? And what is the reason for seeing another lawyer? Not sure I understand.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes - Our 30 days is up today! I was going to talk to another lawyer tomorrow to see what to do about the kids & get a second opinion. I can still do that.
We actually did a change of venue to the nearby county so we do not even have to appear. I understand that a judge will only have to sign the settlement and a divorce decree will be issued.
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I'm sure she wants to get this finalized so she can start getting child support. She is waiving her right to alimony which is a big benefit for me.
She also probably wants to lock down this custody agreement, thinking that I will not contest the custody and Child Support when the kids do not want to stay with her.
Last edited by DeepSorrow; 04/27/17 12:39 PM.
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If she is waiving alimony strike now! You can always renegotiate the child support and custody after the divorce is finalized, but the option for alimony is gone forever once the divorce decree is signed by a judge. At least that's how it works in California.
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If she is waiving alimony strike now! You can always renegotiate the child support and custody after the divorce is finalized, but the option for alimony is gone forever once the divorce decree is signed by a judge. At least that's how it works in California. Same in my state. There is also a provision in the agreement that she can never come back for alimony.
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you bet!! Close the deal, dude!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ok. Lawyers on it, he is trying to get it filed today.
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My lawyer said 17yr old should technically follow the custody agreement, but the court would not be surprised if he didn't. He advised me to get him back on schedule for at least a couple weeks to get this finalized. After 30 days of the divorce decree, the lawyer will submit to have that custody changed.
The lawyer I think wants to show that the custody agreement is not working out when we file for custody.
The only problem with this is 17 yr old wants her to stop her affair. I'm not sure if going back is the right thing for that, but I don't know.
Last edited by DeepSorrow; 04/27/17 01:35 PM.
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Divorce is filed for judgement. Lawyer said that the judge might sign it tomorrow or early next week. Yea!! 
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Divorce is filed for judgement. Lawyer said that the judge might sign it tomorrow or early next week. Yea!! yeah!!!! Good job!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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