|
|
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Junior Member
|
Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 22 |
If the OMW was asking how his marriage was doing as in trying to share information in order for both of them to try and break up the affair, wouldn't in that case be some of her business? I am not certain on that point but it would seem that if the intent for OMW and Messy to share Intel to try and destroy the affair it would be an okay question to ask each other?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171 |
I guess I should have worded it differently. She was asking because she was checking to see if WW was still a viable option. In other words, if we were doing well, she would know OM isn't pursuing WW.
We did share intel, neither of us have any evidence of continued contact.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
In other words, if we were doing well, she would know OM isn't pursuing WW. He could still be pursuing her even if you were doing well, though.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5 |
If the OMW was asking how his marriage was doing as in trying to share information in order for both of them to try and break up the affair, wouldn't in that case be some of her business? I am not certain on that point but it would seem that if the intent for OMW and Messy to share Intel to try and destroy the affair it would be an okay question to ask each other? Sharing Intel is not the same as sharing information about the marriage. We have seen BS start an affair due to their lack of boundaries when they are updating about their WS.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171 |
He could still be pursuing her even if you were doing well, though. Agreed. Neither of us trust the WS, but it was comforting to know that intel on both sides points to continued no contact...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 22 |
Yes, I could see that threat BrainHurts seeing as to how vulnerable I feel in my current state. Thats why I needed to some clarity because sharing intel with the intent to destroy the affair I think is good. Sharing feelings etc. is what likely got the way wards in the affair to begin with and adding a second affair is a recipe for disaster.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
We do all understand that affairs are caused by poor boundaries, not by bad marriages, right?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171 |
Need help. VAR confirms A is active and is now physical. Plan B? New exposure? Please advise. I'm devastated
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I am so sorry, Messy. Yes, you need to expose.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
Messy, I am very sorry to hear this. You need to expose this new information.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5 |
Need help. VAR confirms A is active and is now physical. Plan B? New exposure? Please advise. I'm devastated Do you have information on the OM as well so you can expose to his side?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171 |
Yes. I got everything. I'm also ready for plan B. I don't think I can do Plan a anymore
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
You have been at this long enough, Messy. You have tried very hard to win her. If you are ready for Plan B, then go to Plan B. No one will blame you at all.
You need to expose her the same way you exposed the first time around. Contact all family, friends, church leaders, etc. Expose to your children. Expose to his side. Make sure his wife knows what you have discovered. Tell them that you have discovered that your wife never ended her affair. Ask them for their support.
Do you have a Plan B letter written?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171 |
No letter yet. Going to see a lawyer first, then will expose and deliver letter
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
I'm sorry Messy. Not surprised, her actions were textbook wayward. But I always want to be wrong about that  I agree with Prisca. False recoveries and second Ddays are even more taxing than the first, and if you have had enough nobody will blame you. Make sure you do a very thorough exposure before you go into Plan B.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
Do you have an IM lined up?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
Messy .... how's it going?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 171 |
Thanks everyone, I'm forced to wait a few days due to a TON of family commitments this weekend. So I've had to fake it, which is just making things harder. Because of the kids I don't think I can jump to a plan B just yet, I need a few days to get my ducks in a row. But I'm going to expose and see what happens.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
What ducks are you getting in a row?
When are you planning to expose?
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
Forums67
Topics133,619
Posts2,323,474
Members71,917
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
