Plan B is the recovery. The drama for you starts to come to an end when your contact with the wayward spouse ends.

The great thing about Plan B is that it is a dual track plan. If your spouse never gets a cranial rectal extraction, you are protected and recover and live happily ever after. If your spouse does come to their senses and wants to recover your marriage, and you want to recover with them, then you have been protected all that time and you still have a chance of feeling like doing it, so you can go through recovery and live happily ever after together. And if your spouse does come to their senses but you aren't willing to recover your marriage with them, you have had the chance to detach from them and start building a better life without them, and you go on to live happily ever after without the wayward.

The wild ride continues. My 13 year old was at WW's house. He walks into the bedroom and OM is there, "supposedly fixing her lawn mower". 13yr old calls me upset, she quickly takes OM back to his apartment which is not very far away. I come to get my son, and before I get there, he starts walking down the street away from her house. She stops and forces him into the car so she can keep him away from me. He doesn't want to go but he said she forced him into the car. She drives over to her mother's house while he is on the phone with me. She get's him in the yard and has him on the ground taking his phone away to hang up on me while I drive up.

My son gets into my truck and she starts saying she has filed assault charges on me and an ex parte (This is not true, she filed a police report only). MIL comes out to get involved, I immediately tell her that I am not talking with her and to go away. She says she is going to call the cops and I said go ahead. I tell WW that I am going to call the lawyer and contest the divorce. WW gets worried, argues with me and finally goes inside. 13yr old wants his phone back and goes up to the door, they want him to come in the house and start pressuring him for 15 minutes, saying if he stays, they will give him his phone back. He finally comes outside and get's into my truck. WW comes out and says he going with her. He says that he will go without his phone and we drive off.

13yr old tells 17yr old, and I guess my older boy told him he was not going back over there. WW texts me and tries to say we all need to calm down (worried about holding up the divorce). I finally call her and I talk about how she is ruining her relationship with the kids. She also tries to blame me for everything like a normal wayward, etc. She says she will now work with me on the house (which is just manipulation).

I then decide I want to fight for these kids and I don't care what it takes!!!!! I look at my email and the lawyer sends me the judgement. The judge signed the divorce!!! Now I don't know what to do with my youngest. He does not want to go back now. I will be in contempt of court regarding him if I don't give her custody. I think my kids just want me to tell them that I love them and that I won't let her put them through this. They are so confused because their mom is a whore and they know it is wrong. Youngest said he will testify that he wants to stay with me.

Maybe this is the right thing to happen with getting the divorce over, but I now have to wait 30 days on any custody change. I will call the lawyer in the morning.

I do take youngest to the police station. The cop says that since he left the house, he could be considered running away. Says he needs to stay there next time. He also said the parent has the right to take the phone. He suggested getting the custody resolved through court since he is 13 and pretty much can decide and the court will go along with it.

Call your lawyer this morning. Tell him what happened - especially WW having your son pinned on the ground.

If you snapped a few photos of this - or a video, I think it would go a long way to what you want. Your son, can also file a statement. His mother does not have the right to physically pin him to the ground - sounds like assault to me. I have a feeling that if you did that to your WW she would argue that that is what it was. But to be clear, I am not a lawyer, nor do I have any experience in this field, this is just my gut speaking.

DS, stop making them go there! If she comes to the house to torment them then call the police. You have done everything in your power to facilitate this visitation and she has done everything in her power to drive them away. This is ridiculous. I feel so sorry for your son.

I left a message for my lawyer, but he had to go to court this morning. I am going to see what he says.

Unfortunately, I did not get any video or a picture. I did witness and I am keeping a log of everything that happening on a daily basis. My wife is not diligent and kind of lazy, so she will not have the documentation that I have.

I am so sorry your children are going through this. I went through some of the same crap with my wayward mother when I was the same age, except back then there were no cellphones to call my dad with. My mother also would agree to not bring her POSOM over when I visited and then he would arrive the minute my dad had dropped me off.

I hope all of you are able to get some peace soon.

I do not make 17yr old go there. I don't want to get in trouble with the minor child.

She just texted me and said. "I want to work with you on the house. I also want to seek counseling for the boys and myself if you have any suggestions about that".

I am thinking that me telling her she was ruining her relationship with them must have sunk in. Or she's manipulating me, don't know really.

Will you really get in trouble? Is that true? I have never seen a parent get in trouble when a teenager refuses to visit his parent. NEVER. Not once in 16 years on this forum. Here is what Dr Harley recently said about this when 3 sons, aged 10, 13 and 16 refused to visit their wayward father:


I would first ask your attorney what he will do to protect your son and ask him how you are expected to FORCE a 13 yr old to do something he doesn't want to do?

Maybe the police can come and hogtie the boy to take to your wife?

I know of one situation in Ohio where the WH called the police when the teenage daughters REFUSED to get in the car and go with him. The police did nothing.


I would get her signature on any house papers asap.


I would keep telling her this and suggest that she stop forcing them. She is just pushing them away.

FYI my dad didn't get in any trouble when I refused to see my wayward mother. We dealt with it a little bit in court but there was nothing done to him.

Forcing the kid to go is a stupid strategy that is doomed to failure. She has already wrecked her relationship with her abusive, bully tactics. I would point out to her that she has some serious damage control to do.

And again, I would caution you about the counseling. There is nothing wrong with your sons and they should not be given that impression. Even YOU don't want to be around your wife. That is a normal reaction to a corrupt parent.

ML - I'm having trouble sending this text. She is spiraling downward, and I'm not sure if she cares for me to lecture her on the kids.

I had already talked to the kids about having individual counseling some time ago. But, I approached it that it was someone that they could talk to that wasn't their mom, dad, or anyone that had anything to do with the situation. I did not suggest it was something wrong, just someone that could listen. But, I'm not sure how they took it.

Point taken.

Thats really good, I just wanted to make sure it was not presented as their problem. We have had many instances where a WS dragged kids to a counselor to be told they should accept and "get over" the affair.

You have really good kids and I applaud you for teaching them right from wrong. My father was a serial cheater and my mother stood silent so I grew up hopelessly morally confused. I was taught adultery was a lifestyle choice, and nothing bad. Your kids know it is wrong.

I am sure that this is what my wife intends to do. I haven't responded to her suggestion yet.

My wayward mother did this. She also dragged my dad to a counselor to try to make him "accept" that their marriage was "over."

The kids are smart enough to know that it is the WS and the counselor who actually need counseling. But there are many counselors who see nothing wrong adultery.

I am confused about the status of your divorce. So it is filed, signed by the judge, a done deal? As in you are now legally divorced? Now you need to sell the house and your WW can just go along with that in a good will sort of way, or not? How long before you can get that deal done?

Was there anything written into the divorce about her not exposing your sons to OM?

Your wife lives in wayward crazytown, and I can't wait for you to get into a Plan B and be done with it. I only wish your sons could also Plan B her until she learns how to be respectful to them...

The older they get the more they can enforce their will and not see her unless she treats them right. I've been in "Plan B" with my own wayward mother for something like a quarter century now.

I talked to the lawyer. He said that WW called and left a message so he wanted to know what was going on. Again, he represents me and not her. she waived her right to an attorney. He talked to me and got the story first.

He called WW. My wife said that there are some things at the house that is hers and I won't let her in the house. He told me to try and work that out with her and let her come in while I'm there. I don't know how I feel about this. I have always told her tell me what you need, and I will bring it to you. She will want to clean me out.

She wanted to know if the divorce is FINAL, which he told her it was. She asked him if anything can be undone. He let on like according to the court, it was FINAL. He asked her if she wanted to change something, she said no, she just wanted to know.

He did not tell her that we plan to file a modification later. He said I will have to wait 30 days from the judgement.

He told her basically what you are saying Melody, that he knows the kids are having a hard time, and he advised her from experience not to force the kids, that it would backfire on her. He said I will have to see how she reacts. I asked him if the court would do something to me me if they didn't go, he said no. He did want me to try and get the kids to give in a "little". He wants her to think they are just going through the transition. I don't know how I feel about that.

WW seems eager to work on the house stuff earlier today, but now she think she won, and I expect her to go back and playing hard ball.

Lawyer is mailing out the judgement to her.

Some things in this message I do not like. I was ready to fight it out with her. I guess the bright side is I am now divorced.