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I am not trying to beat you up, but you have to stop being an enabler and start calling BS when it is OBVIOUS she is going to meet her BF. it's time to wake up.
Show her the damn checklist and start making plans. Understood. I need to not enable out of fear of losing her, that has been the reason for a lot of my behavior.
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I am not trying to beat you up, but you have to stop being an enabler and start calling BS when it is OBVIOUS she is going to meet her BF. it's time to wake up.
Show her the damn checklist and start making plans. Understood. I need to not enable out of fear of losing her, that has been the reason for a lot of my behavior. You have lost her already, and that is the issue. More enabling will not get her back. So here she is headed to the mall to meet up with her boyfriend. What are you going to do about that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You have lost her already, and that is the issue. More enabling will not get her back.
So here she is headed to the mall to meet up with her boyfriend. What are you going to do about that? 1. Great point. 2. She has one of the kids with her, I'll be able to know if they met OM.
Last edited by Messy; 05/10/17 11:47 AM.
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She has one of the kids with her, I'll be able to know if they met OM. Will that kid be able to report if she spends time on the phone? She'll be talking to him.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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You're right. Until EPs are in place I will assume the affair is happening.
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How is the best way to approach implementing EPs? I've just made simple requests so far. Such as, I would like you to consider... You say "I love you dearly and want to stay married to you, but we can't stay married unless we do this."
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You have lost her already, and that is the issue. More enabling will not get her back.
So here she is headed to the mall to meet up with her boyfriend. What are you going to do about that? 1. Great point. 2. She has one of the kids with her, I'll be able to know if they met OM. How old are your kids and how would you know? Is there a play area for the kids at this mall?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You're right. Until EPs are in place I will assume the affair is happening. Have you put spyware on all her devices to confirm NC and a VAR in her vehicle? Do you have any spyware to confirm she went to the mall and didn't meet up or talk to OM?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I can only confirm she went to mall. I will discuss EPs with her tonight. I told her no separation
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I can only confirm she went to mall. I will discuss EPs with her tonight. I told her no separation How did you confirm this? Did you follow her?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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She voluntarily turned on her phone gps. Obviously she knew it was on so that doesn't really mean much to me. It was a good step that she did, but doesn't prevent contact
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She voluntarily turned on her phone gps. Obviously she knew it was on so that doesn't really mean much to me. It was a good step that she did, but doesn't prevent contact So you didn't follow her to the mall? Have you contacted the OMBW back so she can up her snooping on her side?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Looking for some advice, some events yesterday have driven me to regroup.
OMW contacted me for the first time since exposure yesterday, concerned that contact may still be happening and she wanted to see how our M was doing. Turns out OM is saying and acting the same way as WW, 'needs more time', completely disconnected, depressed, can't recommit. The thing that has me most bothered is that OM is constantly on his phone, just like my WW. This was their primary method to conduct the A. I have no intel to prove anything, but it does make sense why WW continues to be so disconnected. I'm going to step up my snooping again in an attempt to find concrete evidence.
Also OMW is planning on entering plan B, so that has me concerned...
Am I in for a false recovery D-day? How should I best handle this info? Messy, are you still in touch with the OMW to compare notes?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I can only confirm she went to mall. I will discuss EPs with her tonight. I told her no separation A couple of things come to mind. First off, she can meet the OM at the mall. If I were her, I would drop the kids at the play area and step out to see or call the OM. Another thing she can do is leave the phone in her car at the mall and get in the car with the OM and leave. OR drop the phone off at the mall [under a trash can, or any other place] and go elsewhere. The OM will always be an issue living as close as you do. Your wife and the OM are very skilled in hiding their affair from you and the OMW.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So I have some other questions with regards to details. How much is too much to know? I want to ask about the SF, but I don't know if there's any benefit. I just have been wondering. Right now i see one of my biggest hurdles going forward is comparison, in a ton of areas. Can you provide some insight here? I don't want to ask too much for fear of making it harder to move past. Or I sit better to not let my mind wander? Or should I just work on not thinking about it, but I also want to stop any questions after today so I can close that chapter.
Last edited by Messy; 05/10/17 04:06 PM.
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My understanding is that OM is at his dad's without his phone. OMW took the phone and has changed the number. No contact with OMW since Monday
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So I have some other questions with regards to details. How much is too much to know? I want to ask about the SF, but I don't know if there's any benefit. What is the question? You need your questions answered about dates/times/places/activities and this should be done asap so you can move onto next steps, but I am curious about the nature of your questions.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My understanding is that OM is at his dad's without his phone. OMW took the phone and has changed the number. No contact with OMW since Monday So he can contact her many other ways. Did he move out?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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All I know is general frequency and mostly it occurred in my house. Which is an unbearable thought. I want to know activities. Apparently it was fairly regular for the last 5 mos
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So he can contact her many other ways. Did he move out? I believe OMW is making him stay at his dads. Yes, I'm going to discuss tech EPs tonight to prevent contact
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