My husband and I have been together 26 years, married for 21 years, three children, nice house and life.

Issues started three years ago when a family crisis resulted in my husband becoming emotionally detached. I read up all about it, I gave him space, offered my support, waited for him to come to me, I understood why?, I was there for him.
None of the advice ever said anything about how much time they need or if they ever come out of it.

My emotional, sexual and recreational needs have not been met for three years now. I feel I do lots of things on my own now; walks, days out, concerts, etc. I have suggested counselling, he will have none of it. I have suggested date nights, dinner dates, DVD nights, coffee breaks . . .all to no avail. I have compromised my sexual needs by accepting once a month, after ten weeks he complains I'm nagging. He agreed to a relationship check in once a week. However, I've realised he finds talking about his emotions very difficult and skirts around matters. He knows we have issues.
Recently I have suggested opening our marriage to enable me to fulfil my needs without 'nagging' at him, he doesn't think this would be a good idea. I am respecting his wishes.
He has not told me he loves me for three years:( This hurts me a lot:( Then last night whilst I was driving us home from a family dinner he told me he no longer loves me and he cannot fulfil my emotional needs. The minute he got in he went to bed in the spare room. He left for work early and when he arrived home barely any eye contact. I am not stonewalling him but I do not feel like being in the same room as him tonight or talking at the moment, I am too upset. What should I do now?
I'm out of ideas. Should I just throw in the towel?

Hello AMJ, welcome to Marriage Builders. What has happened that caused him to detach from you? What was the "crisis?"

Our daughter developed severe anorexia and almost died. He couldn't deal with it. Re-feeding an anorexic is very difficult. At the start of it I took days off work when he went to work so one of us could be there. Eventually he looked close to a breakdown and I took two months off work. He started running more and more to escape the tension in the house. It was the only way he could release his frustrations.

Are you serious? Tell me you're pulling our legs!

No I am not joking. I am very serious.

We are surprised because it is such poor judgement to have an open marriage. Thankfully, your H sees that. These are needs, unlike water and air, that need to be met in order to achieve a romantic relationship. Having those needs met outside of marriage, would not create romance for your marriage. It would only be having an affair.

That being said, the advice in this article would apply to you: When to Call It Quits (Part 1)

Radio clip on Swinging
Segment #2

AMJ, have you done any snooping to rule out an affair?

You said he took up running to deal with the stress. Does he have any female running partners?

OMG i have just read the article when to call it quits!! It rings so true with me. I've forwarded it to my husband sitting in a separate room from me again tonight. Along with a message about how I feel things are in our marriage. I'll give him time to read it then open up a conversation.

I have ruled out an affair for lots of reasons. He finds all company intolerable and spends most of his life trying to avoid people. His work rota is on my phone and it all checks out, iphone finder confirms this. Mobile is never hidden. His testosterone must be 0.

You didn't send him the article When to Call it Quits, did you?

I most certainly did! Enough is enough!

Did you read the article and follow the instructions? Because it doesn't say to send your spouse the article, it gives very specific instructions.

It almost sounds like due to his personality you think he is incapable of having an affair. We are all wired to have affairs under the right circumstances.

I am not convinced you have adequately ruled this possibility out.

**EDIT**

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Private messages aren't allowed on MB.

A low testosterone level may be exactly what your husband's issue is. Swingig isn't going to get you anywahere and may be why he has said what he has to you recently.
Dr. Harley addressed low T in my marriage. I was sure WS lack of desire was due to his affair. His T numbers were not that low but our Dr. was willing to give injections a shot.
However one injection of testosterone later problem is fixed.
Talk to the Dr.