I got married and moved across the country to live with my military husband shortly after. A hasty, but very important decision for me. It was hard moving away from my family but I thought it to be the best decision at the time.

About a year and a half later, I had an affair and tried to keep it a secret from my husband. He ended up finding out by reading text messages and immediately after, told me he was divorcing me.

I had been seeing a guy in my college. My husband told me when I first started hanging out with him that he was bad news, but I didn't listen and continued the relationship. I constantly felt guilty about it and even started seeing a counselor about issues I was dealing with, including carrying guilt. I couldn't bring myself to end the affair.

My husband and I already rarely saw each other because I was attending school full time, an hour away from home, and he worked 12 hour shifts on base. He usually worked night shifts and our schedules were basically opposite days. At the beginning of the year, he started going to firefighting school on the weekends, making it even harder to see each other. I asked him to not go this year because I felt we did not see each other enough and it would hurt our marriage. He went ahead anyway and what I thought would happen, did. We wouldn't see each other for 6 or 7 days at a time. I was having a hard time with that and school and nearly every time we caught up with each other, I would bring up how I was feeling and he would give a response that I didn't like and usually would start an argument. All our time together was filled with arguing about who had less time to go grocery shopping, or clean the house, on top of other chores.

I found that I had an emotional connection with my lover that I just felt I didn't have with my husband anymore.

I drove back across the country to stay with my sister for the summer. My husband wanted me to leave. He has not filed for divorce, but he is seeing another woman. I know they are romantically involved, because I read text messages proving it before I left. He is still seeing her, but talking to me as well.

Every time I bring up that I want to fix things, he says he doesn't know what he wants to do and we argue. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want so badly to fix things with him, but now I'm across the country and I feel I have no control over the situation. I've tried not contacting him, but I can't help it when it comes to things we need to discuss, like paying bills. I don't know what to do, please help.

How long have you been married? Do you have any children together?

Does his job still take him away overnights?

Since October 2015. We do not have children. His job could potentially have him away for weeks at a time, which has happened before. He still works 12 hour shifts and cant change that.

Do you want to try and save the marriage? There are a lot of hurdles to get over. Are you willing to put in the hard work? It is such a short marriage with no kids and a job that keeps him overnight.

Hi Colina, Welcome to marriage builders. Your lifestyles won't support a marriage as it is. If you both made radical changes in your lifestyles it could be done but it would be a very hard climb uphill. You would be better off getting divorced and starting over with someone new.

Yes! I want nothing more than to fix this mess I've made. He just doesn't seem on board and I dont know how to get him to want to rebuild something with me.

Did you read this?