I wouldn't "provoke" her, I would SPY on her. The fact that she's angry you were spying should indicate to you she has something to hide. You need to be more careful in the future.

The GPS never showed her going anywhere near the OM's town, and her whereabouts along with time frames are accounted for. I think that the Facebook post and notifying the OM's GF truly put a stop to the affair. I think that the sheer humiliation of the way I exposed was enough to make it stop.

She admitted that in hindsight, OM will keep GF on the side, and that she and OM are not intellectually compatible. If I did not discover it, it would have burned out as my wife would have eventually been disgusted with OM.

Howeve, like Dr. Harley says, EA's and PA's are addicting. They had only two weeks of her oxytocin and dopamine firing before I created enough havoc to make it stop. She had said that the stress of going to MC while also talking to OM while I spied and interfered was far too stressful to continue to deal with. I told her I will no longer tolerate deceit.

Also, she has nothing to gain by stringing me along. She could continue IC and just divorce, unless her plan is to wait it out to give the appearance that she "tried" to save the marriage. If this is the case, the court of public opinion might be in her favor if she sais that I was acting crazy by spying. People in this age don't care about the circumstances.

Or, it could be the delay that I need for meeting EN's. Either way, I gave her a choice: stop seeing OM and work on our marriage, or do what she wants and I divorce and go NC since I will not sacrifice my dignity by hoping things work out, while she plays house with somebody else. Nope. The fear has subsided for the most part, and aside from slight anxiety when I wake up, and some ptsd, the old me is back.

She called it an ultimatum. I guess that maybe it was. So she chose to work on our marriage, and I'm working on a major self-improvement overhaul, to be a better man for her, or for my future if she divorces me. I'm hoping that she changes through therapy and we rebuild a stronger marriage, but I have to prepare for the possibility that she checks out and Plan A becomes Plan B. If she is unfaithful, I will know as she simply can't cover her tracks, and I see enough that I go full Jame's Bond. She has a history of this. If it happens again, I will personally divorce her because I will not suffer an incorrigible serial cheater in my life.

So I'm taking a break from spying, working on Plan A, with a Plan B backup plan to avoid as much pain and sorrow as I can.

I'm hoping for the absolute best outcome. I love her, and even though we are spending time together, I miss her since it is like a friendship rather than a marriage, right now.

Thank you. Is it recommended or not to post on OW or OM's Facebook wall the template letter? ..and if yes or no why?

Thank you. Congratulations for the successful exposure. Is it recommended or not to post on OW or OM's Facebook wall the template letter? ..and if yes or no why? Do you have a thread on your story?

Have you read the exposure thread? It's in there.

Yes, I did read it. Clarified. Thank you.

What do you mean by a "thread of mine" on FB? what is this? What part of FB is it in when it is not on your wall? Could you explain? Thanks.

I posted something about my marriage and received responses, and then posted that DW was having an affair, and,posted a link to OM''s FB. I deleted it after an hour, but people saw it and notified DW. She was humiliated.

This is why we don't recommend posting it to a wall. In the exposure 101 thread it states to send private messages through Facebook to your exposure targets.

Thank you DamagedGuy and Brainhurts. I was of the thinking that posting on the wall is very effective.

I had a very successful wall post of my letter to other woman. It was the only link I had to her. And yes it was embarrassing and humiliating for me to post such a letter for all of my daughters friends and parents to read.
OW actually called me at my home. Funny she had full access to my information and I had no access to her. No address no facebook. I was blocked. She worked for law enforcement.
Even with the wall post she called to tell e my husband was "HER BOYFRIEND" That i had no right to him he belonged to her.
And yes the people here told me to take down the letter which I did after about 1 hour and 500 views.
The phone conversation that took place is what ended the affair. And succeeded in getting the facebook page with yrs of pictures of ow and my wh off facebook completely.

I just had a discussion with my DW. She is still livid about the GPS tracker, and she said that she doesn't know if she can get over it.

I deeply regret the decision to use it. She said that things were going well until the discovery of it.

Only a wayward with an intention to continue their SSL (secret second life) would say something like this. Coupled with the fact that she already has had a few affairs, you should expect more affairs in the future anyway.

Her reaction should indicate that things WEREN'T going well at all. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide. Being upset about a GPS is a huge red flag.

here

In addition to what SusieQ and MelodyLane posted have you read this?
Please Explain Gaslighting

Hello, everyone. I am posting to let you all know what happened. Wife was sitting on the fence while we have been in MC/IC, and not treating me very well. I then found out that she told her 16 year old cousin that she made a mistake and had a one night stand. Her cousin told my 16 year old son, who of course told me. She is trying to get custody of her cousin, and had planned on stringing me along in MC until next June, when her cousin graduates from school.

I canceled MC/IC for myself, and told the MC what transpired. Wife would not tell me who she slept with, but maintain's it wasn't the two guys she was talking to. I eventually said, well, you are a serial cheater, you have a void which cannot be filled, and you are not permitted to yell at me or treat me this way. I will file.

The next day, she called me on her lunch breao, crying, and said she is very sorry, loves me, is willing to do whatever it takes for us to get past this, and doesn't want a divorce. I said that it would be impossible unless I knew the truth. She didn't want to tell me the truth because if I knew, I wouldn't want to give her another chance. I said that I didn't know if another chance was possible, but that without trust, it would never happen, and that telling me the truth would be the cornerstone to rebuilding trust.

She made me vow not to retaliate against the man, and I did so. She told me that she called her ex-H to apologize for leaving him, because my separation from her hurt her badly, and she now knows what he must of felt like. His wife was out of town, and be told her to come over so that they could talk. She did (duh) and they had some drinks, he came on to her, they had sex, and then she said that she told him that it was a horrible mistake and that she left.

This occured before I came back to her once,my head was clear and asked to work on the marriage. Now I'm facing the fact that my wife sext/cybersexed at least 3 men since we have been together and slept with her married ex-H.

She backtracked on working things out because I was angry and said some things after I heard the truth, and she said she realized that I would never forgive her or get past what she did, even if she got the help that she needed.

She said that no one ever lived her as much as me, or ever fought for her like I have, and that she ruined it. That she doesn't know how to be loved, and that she is damaged goods who isn't god for me or anyone else. She said that she doesn't deserve me, and that I deserve to find a woman who hasn't hurt me like she has.

I felt some despair and anger that she backtracked, because of the emototional. I told her that I am struggling with the fact tayt I know she had an affair with her married ex-H and that I want bis wife to know why happened. My wife is afraid of the fallout, and I said you or your ex-H can come clean, which is the right thing to do, and if I have verification that she has been told the truth, then I won't tell her. If I tell her, she will probably be more angry, even stewing on it since she will have some time before confronting them about it. So there have been arguments about it.

I also sent the Facebook transcript to the first guy's (swears they didn't sleep together, just talked) wife, and nuked his marriage. His sister was posting on my wife''s Facebook that she can't keep her own marriage together and that she is a homewrecker.

So I feel sad and angry. I keep wishing for a miracle to male it all better with her, and it is irrational. I believe that I have codependency issues, and white knight complex, because I have a history of being cheated on by broken women who "need fixing."

I am filing for divorce, but I keep putting myself in situations where I am around her, and she acts like everything is normal, unless I bring up the situation. It is making it difficult to detach, and I find that I still love her despite it all, whereas I never had positive feelings remain in past relationships when I was betrayed.

Since I believe that the situation is hopeless, I'm filing, establishing custody with myself as the primary caregiver since I will have him more than her because she got a new job, Sue for my equity in our house and for alimony, and once the legal separation part is official, I'm buying a house and moving out and limiting my contact with her so that I can fully detach, move oj, and someday find myself in a healthy relationship.

DamagedGuy, I am sorry it has come to you, but applaud you for using good judgement. I think you are doing the right thing.

This.

Many great posters have spent their own time giving you great advice and you don't seem to want to follow any of it. So how can we help you?

I agree with MelodyLane that in this situation divorce is the right answer.

I'm sorry for all of the typos in my last post, my phone is horrible and I was feeling emotional and didn't check before posting.

Thank you, MelodyLane. It hurts, badly, but I know that it must be done. I hope that someday, my feelings for her, the memories of what we had, her face, and her voice no longer haunt my thoughts and dreams, and that my feelings dissipate and go away.

Unwritten, I did my very best to follow advice. I tried to avoid LB's, meet EN's, and delve into the truth, which I now have.

My wife has serious issues which she claims to now recognize. I have been told by others that she needs serious therapy, that maybe 3-4 years she will have made,the changes she needs to be in a healthy relationship and the we could try to have a new relationship, but that in that time, I will probably meet a woman who doesn't cheat or has the other issues my wife has. She says she doesn't know what drives her to sabotage relationship's and target taken men for her sexting/cybersex EA's (and at lest one PA) and she said that she hates herself for it.

It is sad, because my wife's issues Wil prevent her from being happy, and this will affect our son. She has said, in addition to loving her and fighting for her more than anyone ever has, I also made her laugh more, and feel safe (the opiate, depression, and pain induced separation notwithstanding.) She regrets that she is broken and ruined it.