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Conflicted,

Just plain and simply you're an ____ (fill in the blank) for not in the least considering the advice here. This is Your wife and your family. Do you have a better plan that will keep you financially intact??

Tom

Last edited by Tom2010; 06/28/17 08:20 PM.
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I am taking advice. I am getting PI. And when I have the necessary evidence I am going to the other wife and then telling my wifes family. Go from there. People keep saying I am ignoring it. Trust me, no way. Not sure you were following along. Do I have enough evidence right now? She is 3 hours away and will be for most of the summer. Not together. Im sure in contact, but no way to get on her phone. No chance. This can't continue. Some people have a ton of support. Family and such. I dont. Friends. All married. Cant just blow up and leave. Need a plan. There are three kids involved. We are not young twenty somethings that can go home to mom. Well she could go home.

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Why is your wife 3 hours away? That is not a good thing. Where is she and what is she doing?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: Conflictedguy
I am taking advice. I am getting PI. And when I have the necessary evidence I am going to the other wife and then telling my wifes family. Go from there. People keep saying I am ignoring it. Trust me, no way. Not sure you were following along. Do I have enough evidence right now? She is 3 hours away and will be for most of the summer. Not together. Im sure in contact, but no way to get on her phone. No chance. This can't continue. Some people have a ton of support. Family and such. I dont. Friends. All married. Cant just blow up and leave. Need a plan. There are three kids involved. We are not young twenty somethings that can go home to mom. Well she could go home.

Can you check online phone records?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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We have a lake house. She is there with our kids.

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Melodylane. I thought you were following from the beginning.

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Yes, I have.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Nah. I dont believe online phone records show imessages. And not sure she hasn't gone to a message app (like whats app or something) after the first incident.

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Originally Posted By: Conflictedguy
Cant just blow up and leave. Need a plan. There are three kids involved. We are not young twenty somethings that can go home to mom. Well she could go home.

You keep saying this, and I keep asking you: who here has told you to blow up and leave? Who here has told you go to home to mom?

I'll ask you again: do you understand that we're giving you Dr Harley's advice, and the goal of that advice is to end the affair for good, and after that, to give your marriage the best possible chance of recovery?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Ok. Maybe starting a new post would be more beneficial, but I will start here. Based on the history and the new information where a friend saw the ww and the same guy (in a public) how much do I need to confront her? It was already agreed, No Contact. And that was violated. Once again I am sure it was either Imessages or message app. And I can not physically get onto her phone. If I have her followed, odds are I am going to get some more evidence of the behavior that I already have proof off. How long do I let this go on? I do realize that maybe I should have acted sooner, but at this point that will help me mentally or change anything.

The other question is when confrontation day happens, do I send a message to the other wife at the moment? How long should I wait? Facebook messenger ok? Do I tell [censored] much detail as possible or keep it brief? I already jotted down a hand written letter.

An lastly, Obviously after confrontation time I can't just lock her down. How do I know she will not contact him or how do I prevent that. It seems impossible? At I do work and can't follow her 24/7. Obviously a connection / bond there, foolish (this time) to think she will not make contact weather its to try an contain some of the situation. Who knows?

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Exposure is not about exposing to or confronting your wife. You can certainly tell her you are aware that she is continuing an affair AFTER you have obtained evidence and exposed. Or she can just find out when people (perhaps OM) contact her to ask her about your exposure. It doesn't really matter how she finds out you know.

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Are you reading our posts? I am sure someone took the time to address how you should properly expose to the BW. Sending her a FB message is easily intercepted. You clearly know her well and I am sure you can find a way to speak to her personally about this. I would get evidence first though. It sounds to me like OM spun a story the first time around (which was easy for him to do since you chose to keep this all a secret), and he could easily brush off a third hand account of someone seeing them together.

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I have read. Somewhere I thought I read it was ok to send message via FB instant messenger. I appreciate any and all advice. I have been reading a tremendous amount of information. It will be tough to make contact even though I know her. She does not work summers (teacher), kids are home from school (summer vacation) so can't just knock on her door. Can't wait on the street. Too risky if he drives by, He knows my car. I don't have her cell #. Any other suggestions?

This is alot to process. You guys weather you have been through it or not make it seem so easy. Its not for me right now

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I have explained. The summer is tough. We have a second home. Wife spends alot of time there with our kids. So not so easy to get additional evidence.

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Have you contacted your doctor for some short term ADs (antidepressants)? Dr. Harley recommends them during this trying time.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: Conflictedguy
I have read. Somewhere I thought I read it was ok to send message via FB instant messenger. I appreciate any and all advice. I have been reading a tremendous amount of information. It will be tough to make contact even though I know her. She does not work summers (teacher), kids are home from school (summer vacation) so can't just knock on her door. Can't wait on the street. Too risky if he drives by, He knows my car. I don't have her cell #. Any other suggestions?

This is alot to process. You guys weather you have been through it or not make it seem so easy. Its not for me right now

Can you borrow a friend's vehicle?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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The people who ignore this stuff are not the ones who make it out of infidelity alive.

Originally Posted By: markos
You say you want more advice, here it is.

Originally Posted By: markos
CG, which of Dr. Harley's resources have you looked at?

The free video on infidelity?
The Q&A columns on the site about how to survive an affair?
The free Marriage Builders Radio show? (there's an app to listen on your phone)
Dr. Harley's book Surviving an Affair?
One of Dr. Harley's other books?

You want EXPERT advice from someone who has actually successfully helped many, many couples recover from an affair. Not just uneducated people's personal opinions.

So ... which resources are you using from the foremost expert in infidelity?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I have a feeling I already know the answer to this one. Do I really have to wait till I get her at a hotel or record (audio or video) some type of sex act. Although the thought may be in my head. Seeing it or hearing it may be a no return point for me.

And I doubt that anyone will agree that with the past and present knowledge, i can expose and tell family and friends and ow. Then we can all attempt to get through to her she needs to stop and seek ic and mc? You all seem to be in aggreement that this drug (Affair) cannot be broken. Did you all have to watch / hear your ww / wh having sex to have enough proof?

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who is ignoring it. Once again. Nothing going on this week!!! She is away with our kids. Probably communicating, but not meeting each other.

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