That is something a WAYWARD would say. Your MIL was passing on fogbabble to you. My question to her would be: how many of those people that told him not to meet your conditions are married to him? Unless he is a bigamist, I would guess ZERO.

It's really cute to have such opinions when it is not their ox getting gored, isn't it?

Yes, I told MIL this morning to not to tell me anything else he has said and I need to not hear their opinions. After all he is their son and as much as I know they support me and want us to be together they will still want to protect him in the long run. Their reasoning was if he quits his job and we dont work out then the has nothing to support himself with. Which I pointed out to her is lame, its not going to be that hard for him to find a new job in our county, he has connections that he could use and so far he hasnt even tried so that says enough right there

Ya they def do not understand the fog and seem to take everything he says as truth which is crazy.

I need to be honest though about my reservations with plan B. WS or not, anyone is going to take the filing of divorce as an intent to end a marriage, regardless of what has been said beforehand. So it makes me feel the need to communicate to WH that my feelings have not changed but I have to do this to protect myself because I dont know if/when he will ever commit to me. Yes I gave the plan B letter, but so much has happened since then I would not blame anyone for doubting my intentions.

But, I'm guessing you are going to say, my feelings dont matter. He is going to do what he wants regardless of what I say or do, right? I just need to keep hearing it...

It would have to be a choice between his marriage and his little job. He can't have both. However, he can have both if he leaves that job and gets another. does she want him to destroy his marriage?

You could send him a little note through your sister and say something like:

Dear WH, I wanted to make sure you understood that I still mean what I said in my letter dated June XX, 2017. I am willing to consider reconciliation under certain conditions, ie: ending your affair and leaving that job. If those conditions are met, I would be willing to discuss our future. I had to file for divorce to protect myself and the kids from your affair. That can change if we do reconcile.

all my love, amac

Yes, I like that idea. The lawyer is going to send him a letter today with the divorce petition, I contemplated putting something like that in the letter. Do you think its better through my sister or the lawyer?

How do you handle Plan B with a lawyer? My lawyer just called and said as they were about to email WH the divorce notice he called fishing for info. Told them not to email the divorce papers because "he didn't know who had access to his email" and asked it to be sent to a PO box where he works. He also asked that the divorce petition be sealed. All of this tells me that OW has access to his email and he doesn't want her to see that I'm the one who filed; I suspect he wants to lie to her and tell her it was him. Now I feel bad for OWBH because he won't know the truth of what's going on, and I think it will mess with their relationship to know that I filed.

I know I'm not supposed to be involved in this drama anymore so what boundaries do I give my lawyer? And should I let OWBH know?

I would call the OWH and tell him everything. Tell him you suspect your WH is lying to the OW. And I would not allow your attorney to seal the divorce. You have no reason to do so.

Thanks Melody! I don't have OWH phone number, just an email address which I know OW has access to because she saw that I had emailed him and then threatened me with a restraining order. So whatever i send to him, she will see as well, but i think is good actually. No way the divorce is getting sealed. Just shows how out of his mind my WH, being a family law attorney he should know thats not happening so weird to even ask.

HAve you ever personally spoken to him?

In what way did you communicate with him?

No, I have wanted to. I did a background search and got some numbers and emails and tried all of them but never got a phone number that I could tie to him. He did respond to the emails I sent and I gave him my phone number in the email but he just responded to the emails. I was concerned that it could be OW but he said things like he hoped me and H would work it out and he was trying on his side. He was pretty standoffish though and would not respond for a few days after I would send an email. After a week of us exchanging emails and after i emailed OW family on Facebook she emailed me and said she know I had contacted her H. I never heard from him again after that.

I did email him tonight and told him I filed for divorce and that H told me over the weekend it was done with him and OW but I know it was a lie. I also told him i still love H and don't want to divorce but need to protect myself and our children from the drama.

Do you have his address?

I doubt her husband even knows about the affair. She probably wrote all the emails and then threatened you with a RO so you wouldn't take it further.

I got an address from the background search but can't be sure if its his

I would find a way to get ahold of him directly. Do you know where he works?

But I don't think if it were her in the emails she would tell me to "work on my marriage" no way. And WH has told me, and i saw in the texts and email I have seen between them that they discussed her family finding out. WH also told me and his family that OWH called him a couple weeks ago, but he would not tell me the details of their conversation.

No. WH has said he doesn't work and lives off a family trust. The email address that he used to respond to me referred to a company, but it is no longer in business.

I absolutely do think she would say that. I know of many OW who have said that very thing.


That is exactly what I would tell you if I were your H and wanted to make sure you didn't contact my OW's husband. How else would he keep you from busting her?

Do you know where the OWH works?

I bet he has no idea about this affair.