Is he back to work? He could be calling her from work? Did you get the spyware put on?

Going to journal here a bit:

I said this previously in my thread, but it comes across as a DJ and that's not what I meant it to be:

He has great need for admiration; that came out when we first filled out emotional needs. We learned that he needed to be aware of his unrealistic need for admiration because that leads him down the wrong path.

We also learned that the more successful he is, for some reason the greater his need was for admiration. His need was beyond what one person (me) could give him naturally. A black hole that couldn't be filled from the outside from other's admiration, but instead needed to be filled from the inside of himself.

TTFG says it best here. In the serial cheater thread from TTFG on 9/21/11 He says this:

�I truely truely think that with a serial cheater, and i am not a psych, only had one class in psych 20 yrs ago in college, there is always some sort of pain in the past. Maybe I am niave in thinking this, mind you I only know 1 individual....but I know him very very well. I dont know if he can help himself, I truely think there is a void somewhere in his persona, that makes him need for anothers something......I know he loves his wife above all else and loves his family. But i think he is driven by pain, and maybe if there was a way to crack him open and make him realize what he is doing and why, what the root cause of his need. then maybe he could see it for what it is,,,pain from the past and that need to have the space filled, would be ok left unfilled....just a divot in the armor of a great person.....which i know him to be�

Well of course a wife can't admire her husband when he is allowing other women to meet his emotional needs. It's that simple.

The problem isn't the size of his need - it's his philandering.

Everybody has pain in his or her past. That is part of life.
It is one reason more not to cause other people pain.
We cannot alway do what comes natural, like killing other unnerving people in traffic, yelling at our mother-in-law, etc.

Also, it is common for people to become more narcissistic when they become more succesful and to be aware of the needs of others more when they are down. We humans are not animals though and if we want to call ourselves civilized, we have to be considerate of the needs of others.

Do not excuse or explain away bad behaviour. I am sure you go through the store and see things that you would like to have but cannot afford. But you don't steal it anyway, no matter how much you want it.

THIS is your problem. Not some deep void or pain. Don't get distracted.

Lucky, the emotional needs, in this context, are needs that when met create romantic love. In other words, meeting his own need would not create romantic love. It would need to be met by you. Emotional needs are not unrealistic, they just ARE. Each of us has different needs, that when met, create an incredible attraction to the person who meets that need.

You don't have to be an expert in meeting every one of his top needs, just some of them, in order to create love. That being said, if you aren't spending 15-20 hours per week of UA time meeting the intimate emotional needs, the romantic threshold will never be met.

However, this is not the main issue. The issue is his inappropriate relationships with other women. I would stay focused on that for now.

Did you get the spyware put on?

People don't have affairs because they are broken or have something wrong with them.

People have affairs because the Love Bank really works: if somebody meets your emotional needs, you'll fall in love with them and go crazy for them (be in the fog). It's literally like a heroin addiction. So in order to not have affairs, married people need to not allow other people to meet their emotional needs.

Posting this real quickly so I can use it when I need it. this complicates things so will have to plan ahead if I go this route. I will be back and update when I have time. Thanks for all your support.

how to disable 2 step verification
How do I turn off two-step verification?

Sign in to your Apple ID account page.
In the Security section, Click Edit.
Click Turn Off two-step verification.
Create new security questions and verify your date of birth.
You'll get an email confirming that two-step verification for your Apple ID is off.

More Instructions:

Nothing will be recorded until you install WebWatcher on the device you want to monitor.

Installation is quick and easy, however, if you experience problems installing, we'd be more than happy to help you. Simply click the "Help" link on the left.

To install click the "Settings" link on the left and select "Downloads & Licensing." Your download and license management page will be displayed. On the right side of it, click the "Download" link to start the download process. (Note to self: I did this already BUT VERIFY)

Click the Add New iPhone/iPad icon under Available Licenses.

Enter the Apple ID & Password of the iOS device you want to monitor then click �Submit�

Check the box next to the device you want to monitor, then click �Register.�

If the device you are looking to monitor is not listed here, this means it has never backed up to iCloud. (Please see iCloud setup instructions below).

*Please note you can only monitor the number of devices for which you have purchased a license. You will need to buy a separate license for each device you want to monitor.
5. Once the device is successfully registered you can click �Request Data� under the monitored device.

Click �Request Data.� This will manually pull data from the most recent iCloud backup.

Your data has been requested successfully! You will be notified via email (the email address provided upon signup) when your data is available to view (which typically takes 1-6 hours).

NOTE TO SELF: I DO NOT WANT TO BE NOTIFIED VIA EMAIL. Follow up with ww prior to install.

VERY IMPORTANT: In order to see recorded data you will login to https://login.webwatcher.com
9. If for some reason the iCloud credentials do not work, or they do work but you are not receiving data then click HERE for our Knowledge Base article.

How do I check if iCloud is enabled on the iOS device?
Access target device > Settings > scroll down & select iCloud > scroll down & select Storage & Backup > Backup (make sure this is toggled on � toggle will be green)

Where do I locate the Apple account name (aka the Apple ID) of the device? (How do I know what my Apple account is?)
Access the target device > Settings > iCloud > Account
The Apple ID will appear next to Account

How do I get my iCloud password for my account?
To retrieve iCloud password click on the below link and proceed with the prompts (This will allow a reset of the iCloud password if you have the Apple ID)
https://iforgot.apple.com/password/verify/appleid

Where do I locate the name of my device? (i.e. in the event there are several iOS devices, such as iPhones, in the account and the cx is not sure which device is the correct one)
Access the target device > Settings > General > About > Name
The device name (i.e. �Ally�s iPhone�) will appear next to Name

Note to self: Must be on wifi. Data won't work.

I was so lost setting up webwatcher I just finally accessed the help center. They walked me thru the process and set me up. Took about 20 min is all.Well worth the call.
Good luck!

Lin, did they care that you were setting this up on an adult's phone, not a child under 18?

Nope, I told them it was my husband's computer and that I didnt have the passwords. Also that I'd be watching from my personal computer, and I had to sneak when he was out so he didn't know. They were very supportive. They waited till I called them and they had me walk thru turning on his computer and they found a way in.
Good Luck! Once it is done and you see whats there you will feel safer for sure. Either way, I've been checking for a yr now and it gives me a bit of security. We are following the online program.

Thanks Lin. That's why I decided to do the setup myself. My problem was with the 2 step verification on his iphone. I needed to disable that. From reading up on the details of that I realized they would be sending an email to H that his 2 step verification was being disabled.

I had to come up with a back story to explain that. And I'm a bad liar. So that is now done and I am registered with WW.

Apple sent a total of 4 emails to H and I had to create new security questions.

^^that was very stressful^^

Lastly I need to get his iphone on his icloud.

Note to anyone thinking of doing this. Realize apple security sends multiple emails to the person who the phone is registered to. Be prepared.