I have been married several times and am continually working thru my issues. I am working to go very slowly and get to know the other person and see if we are compatible on simple things. I also know that I need to know the other person for at least a year, if not longer and see him in multiple situations with multiple people.

My questions are what are the best ways to meet and develop a friendship and slowly pace a relationship? How quickly does one say- no this is going no where and move on. I have tended in the past to overlook what I originally saw as a small thing that was really a tip off to bigger things that were not acceptable. I didn't see things occurring until after they had occurred. I didn't understand that my former husband was involved with other women until after we divorced.

When does one bring up Marriage Builders and especially the POJA?

Thank you!

Have you read all these letters by Dr. Harley? Preparing for Marriage

Also, have you read this book by Dr. Harley? Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders

Thank you for the reminder to read Preparing for Marriage letters. I had read them before and I am re-reading them again. The second letter is a reminder that I settled. I didn't wait for a man that met the majority of my emotional needs. Granted, I didn't know really what they were because I didn't know myself and I didn't have great value of myself. I am at a better place now and value myself.

I recently met a man that has some of the important values that I share like faith, family, and caring for others. He seems to be in a mediocre job that has no upward mobility and seems content to settle there. I am focused and looking at how I can change the world. I can't wait to get out of bed and see what is in store for the day, he on the other hand is happy with the status quo and happy go lucky. I see areas where we are polar opposites, however he is a balance for my zest for life. I am concerned that he will be able to provide for me. I have more than enough for both of us, however I will not respect him if he cannot provide for me. As I am typing these thoughts, I see how he is NOT meeting my emotional needs even though he is a wonderful man. I want more. I am not content with him. I want to be with someone that wants to learn and grow-even differently. Thank you for encouraging me to see this important need!

Dr. Harley has mentioned ambition as possible emotional need for some women. It is not in the list, because it is a character trait and cannot really be improved by making it a habit.

Yes... Initiative.

Read some blogs or articles!!