I�m writing this in the hopes of receiving some guidance and maybe some help untangling the web of my situation. I am a 32-year-old working professional male currently working full time while perusing my MBA. My wife is also a 32-year-old working professional, my best friend of 7 years and wife of 6 months. We do not have any financial issues, we currently own our home and I thought we were happy. Our families are close. My family is white collar and her family struggles. Her Mother does not speak English and Father speaks broken English. There has never been a divide in terms of social class. So here to goes�

On Mother�s Day May 14,2017, I noticed my wife was off all day. When I asked her what was wrong she kept telling me she didn�t sleep well. We went out to dinner with my family and I noticed she didn�t eat much or have a drink. She knew she was going to tell me something post dinner I did not want to hear. When walking back to the car after dinner I continued to prod at what was wrong with her. She told me that her hearts hurts. We got into the car and she dropped the bomb. �I love you but I�m not in love with you anymore. You�re the best husband I could ever ask for. Your driven and handsome, it�s not you it�s me�. I was shocked nor did I know how to interpret this. My wife for the most part is very rational. We hardly ever fight and when we do, the problem is dissolved within an hour. We discuss and move on. When we got home I asked her what she wanted to do. She said �Ill move out and we can split the bank account down the middle�. I was FLOORED. I never saw this coming. When discussing it further she told me she just feels like I�m her best friend and that there�s no passion in our relationship. I didn�t sleep a wink that night.

The next morning, I was very emotional. Having never gone to therapy I sought out console to see if we could discuss this. I had to force her to go. On Tuesday we get into therapy. I told the therapist that I never saw this coming and that I was there to save my marriage. My wife when asked why we were there responds �Im here so he can have closure�. Here sits my wife and best friend next to me with a side I have never seen before. The therapist asked us if there was �another person� involved, we both replied no. That night she left the rings on the bathroom counter and slept at her mom�s. Wednesday, she signs a lease for a new apartment and buys furniture. On Thursday, I start to shed some light on the situation to her. I say I understand the passion aspect and that maybe we do need to spice things up. We have sex about once a week. It is very routine. In the beginning of our relationship it was constant. I explain this is a real issue in relationships, this is why people go to marriage consoling and in needed a sex therapist. It starts making sense to her! Later on, in the day we start to talk about this conversation and she simply says, �this weekend, Im moving out�. I asked her if she cheated on me, and she admits it. My wife goes to Boston for work trips. She said she went up there and cheated with the same individual twice who works up there. On Friday, we split the bank account and she moved her stuff out of the house all weekend. There was no stopping her. Throughout the mess I begged her not to go, she left.

As weeks went by, we would talk almost every day mainly though text. However, I would see her once a week. She would come into every conversation very cold but the minute she began to cry, she was back and reachable. It was like once the emotional wall was broken down, she could see the light. When we would try to discuss the cheating, she would circle around it and go back more to the passion aspect and that we lack chemistry. Within the next few weeks I was tipped off on what was really going on. All the while, there was not another guy in Boston. My wife works for a large online pet retail company. This company just sold in what is deemed the largest e commerce transactions in history. My wife is having a full-blown affair with one of the current founders (OM) who is coming into around 200 million (this is a legitimate number) who works in the same office with her down here in Florida. The founder is my polar opposite in terms of looks, physique and interests. It sounds shallow, I understand that, but it�s the truth when comparing apples to oranges. Love is blind and I understand that. My wife is spending all of her time with this guy. The affair started back in April, but I was told she had been talking since just before our wedding. He lives in a penthouse and drives an exotic sports car. We live in a 2 story 3,000sq ft. town home both with nice cars. We weren�t exactly slumming it.

After finding this information out, I told her that I will never be able to truly forgive her unless she admits to me that the founder was the OM. After battling it out with her and the insisting that it was not another coworker in Boston, she finally confessed. I asked her if she laughs with him, she said �yes�. I asked her if she�s herself with him, she replied �it�s the only person I know how to be�. Both of these responses killed me more than the cheating. As she was crying this night, I asked her if she wanted to go to marriage consoling. She said part of her wants to reconcile this but she feels like she�s gone too far. She feels that I will never be able to forgive her and hold it over her head for the rest of our days. Only therapy could have figured that out. I asked her to stay away from him that weekend to take some time to herself to figure it out. I told her she needed to be alone. When we spoke the next week and I asked if she was with him, she replied �does it really matter�? This was the nail in the coffin. I gave her the opportunity to reconcile with a post nuptial agreement or separate with a post nuptial agreement or dissolve the marriage. I said we should reconcile or dissolve. She said, �we should separate or dissolve and if its process of elimination we should dissolve the marriage�. Later that week we went to the courthouse and filed for a dissolution of marriage. Filing the papers before and after she was in tears. It was as if she didn�t want to do it but something bigger was driving her to.

On July 14, we divorced. Hours after the divorce I heard she was on a plane to the Bahamas with the founder. Weeks prior he took her to Napa. Looking back, I did see a gradual dumbing down of my now ex-wife. I thought she was just overworked and tired but in the weeks leading up to this I never suspected anything serious. Back in April around her birthday, we did have an argument and it was the first big one we have had in years and first as a married couple. The fight was over not going out to dinner because we had been at each other throats for the day. Towards the end of the fight she began telling me how we didn�t have any passion and chemistry. Confronting her about this and asking her if this is how she really feels, she said �I don�t know, maybe im just moody�. She didn�t want to come clean with it. In the 7+ years I have know her I did feel this lack of chemistry early on. I remember telling my parents that there�s a possibility that she may not be the one. But, after I got over that I truly fell in love with who she was as a person and how she made me feel bout myself and when we were around each other. All of our friends would always say �you guys just have it all figured out�.

It has been 3 weeks since the divorce and I am by no means a wreck (this has been going on for 12 weeks). I stay busy and work hard but I find myself thinking about her all the time. We have had ZERO communication. I have no reached out nor do I plan to, I feel if we did have communication if would have to be her reaching out to me. I have seen a therapist twice and she believes I�m doing well. Prior to my last session which was just before the divorce, my wife at the time wanted me to ask the therapist when we could be friends again. My therapist thinks there�s a chance even with divorce she�s not done with me. Ultimately what I want to know is where do I go from here? Do situations like hers generally work out? A lot of people tell me that there�s a chance 6-8 months down the road she�s going to try to come back and if she�s does, I can�t take her back. Just looking for some insight. Anything helps.

Welcome to MB. Did you ever expose their affair? And if she continues to work with the OM the affair will not end. Do you see her ever leaving this job?

Hi gcp, welcome to Marriage Builders. GEnerally speaking, it is a very hard road for a marriage to recover from infidelity. Dr. Harley, the founder of Marriage Builders, often recommends just cutting your losses and moving on when there are no children involved.

What you can do is learn from this experience so you don't make the same mistakes in your next marriage. The outcome of your marriage was predictable because of your lifestyles. Traveling jobs are notoriously bad on marriages as you have learned the hard ways. In your next relationship, I would make sure you don't make this same mistake again. Couples who don't spend every day together fall out of love. When that happens, they are open to falling in love with others. That is what happened here. When you tried to mitigate the damage, you discovered that her lovebank was essentially closed to you because it was open to someone else.

I exposed the affair to our friends and family and a few of her co workers. That has been the extent of the exposure.

Your comment here is why we don't recommend "counseling" when there is an affair. A WS will go, but usually on for the purpose of getting the BS to accept the demise of the marriage or to take blame for the affair. Since counselors are not equipped or qualified to save marriages or understand the dynamics of infidelity, they only serve to validate he marriage wrecking goals of the WS. They cause further damage to an already crippled situation often leading to divorce.

"Tuesday we get into therapy. My wife when asked why we were there responds �Im here so he can have closure�. Here sits my wife and best friend next to me with a side I have never seen before. "

Read this and listen to the radio clips in here. Beware of Bad Counselors