My wife and I have been married for 17 years. Recently she told me she had emotionally disconnected from me and wanted a separation. Her reason were that I had not been paying any attention to her lately and o made her feel unwanted, unattractive, and unloved. I went out of my way to apologize, and went for a week thinking I had ruined our marriage. I then found out she has been having an online affair with an old high school friend who is in the military. I asked her to end it and she said she can't because she cares more for him than she does me right now. She also left for a week and stayed with him in Georgia. Upon her return she claimed that they had not had sex, but got along great. Her concern was only in the distance between them and if it would work. I have made all the classic mistakes- cried, got angry, blamed , and told her how madly in love with her I am, and my eagerness to show her love and affection. We are talking again, however if I mention that I love her or miss her she gets short with me. We have been separated for a month and I can't stand it. Is there any way to get back in track and save my marriage? I did ask her if she wanted a divorce and she said no. She also told her dad that I did nothing wrong, and she had no idea what she was doing or wanted. She seems so confused and conflicted. Any help is greatly appreciated. Despite all she has done I am still very much in love with her.

Hello gwiley, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the reasons that have brought you here.

Are you separated? Did she move out? Who is this OM and what do you know about him? Is he married?

Do you have children? If so, how many and what are their ages?

Melody,
Thanks for responding! We have been separated for a month now., she rented an apartment but it is small so I told her to stay at the house so the kids wouldn't be uprooted and affected emotionally any more than they had been. The other man is in the navy stationed I Georgia. He has been in the military for 28 years. He is single, but has been divorced three times. I spoke to the family of hisnlast wife, and they all said he was a serial cheater with multiple partners at one time. He is controlling and mentally abusive. I want him out of the picture, and I am a hair away from motifying the military about him. When I found out about them I had my wife call him and let him know that I knew. The only concern he had wasn that I might call the military. I threatened it again a while back and she begged me not to ruin his career. We have two children, 14 and 13. My 13 year old has Aspbergers autism

I should say that I have a mountain of evidence- texts, photos, etc

gwiley, you have the OM by the nads and you just need to squeeze. Keeping his secret only serves to enable his affair and the eventual destruction of your marriage and your children's family. It is up to you to protect yourself.

I would expose the affair wide and far using the exposure tactics in my Exposure 101 thread. Start by exposing him to the military. Don't threaten to do so, just do it.

I would also suggest you move back home immediately. You can't fix your marriage if you are not there.

You have made a lot of strategic mistakes but we can help you fix that if you can follow a plan. You just have to stop allowing yourself to be paralyzed by fear. Being fearful and inactive will not save your marriage.