I haven't posted here in at least 5 years and couldn't remember my old login. When I was here before we were dealing with hubby's job and him traveling. He quit traveling, we did really well for a long time.

Over the past two years we've gone through three miscarriages, one high risk pregnancy, DH left his job to join me in my business, the birth of our son, and kiddo's first year of life.

We spend 20 hours of time together. We spend 20 hours as a family. We are rarely apart. But, the AOs are out of control. The yelling, the swearing. It's getting scary.

I've told him he needs counseling. I've said we need counseling. I've tried to get him to agree to counseling with MB. At this point he has all the money and I have limited access to just schedule anything.

My side of the street is littered with DJ and SD, which I need to work on, but I don't want our kiddo to think yelling and swearing is how you resolve problems.

Is Plan B the answer? I'm desperate and open to any advice.

Hi Pawkie, do you remember your old screen name?

To answer your question, Plan B would be the solution until he gets his anger under control. Marriage Builders would suggest that he get anger management training and that you separate for at least a year. I would check out this thread on anger issues: anger management

I think it was hopefulnnc but it's been years.

Should I plan a first? Any good plan b resources? I'm the sole breadwinner, hubby works for my business. I'm not sure how to work it out, but I'm 100% on board with plan b

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=162013&Number=2443501#Post2443501

I had my name changed to vicountess - this was my first thread from years ago .

I remember now! Welcome back! When there are angry outbursts going on, he doesn't recommend Plan A.

Any plan b resources for me?

How do I navigate the business while in plan b?

I'm also concerned with documenting the AOs for custody, do you have any VAR recs for me?

Have you read this? What to do with an Angry Husband?

Here is the Plan B thread. How to Plan B Correctly

Will he get into an angry management program?

Brainhurts,

I haven't asked about an anger management program. I plan to ask him today. Is there a recommended Anger Management course?

A few plan b questions -

- We run a business together. If I replace him with an employee I can't pay our bills. I can't imagine an IM handling business issues. Any ideas?

- I had planned to leave our home and move closer to my parents for plan B. I have a toddler and a busy business. If we do not recover, the house was his before we married and I wouldn't be granted the house in the divorce anyway. Is there a reason I have to stay in our home?

I'm seeing an attorney in both the states we have residences in (own a house in one state, lease a house in the other state) to ask about documenting the AOs for custody and pursuing supervised custody and/or limited custody until our kiddo is weaned.

My goal is to be in plan b October 1st, I don't see how I can manage to get it done before then. My mom is out of town until the end of September and we have jobs in September that I'm contracted to work with him. After that, we have nothing we're working together, but lots of jobs we're each contracted for individually.

Hi!
I have done plan B before so maybe I can help some.

1. Yes, you can leave the house
2. You have to figure out something on job.

The point of plan b for anger is not to break up (but be prepared for it).

The thing is though, if he does start taking anger management- starts getting better- you need to be able to eventually see him and at least date him even if your separated. Can you do that from where you are planning to move?

I am not sure about the job though. That is tough. You would hopefully be able to keep him working but use an IM for communication while he is deciding to fight for your marriage.

Plan B for anger with no communication doesn't last long if the man agrees to and starts working on the anger. The thing that should not change is living together until he can prove over the year that he will not revert back.

However- if he won't work on himself or does for a bit and then stops- you go back to full plan b with no communication. If he decides to not work on the marriage at all- then it never stops. That is where you will have to spend more time figuring out things about your job. It sounds like you have the house and child care so far worked out.

I don't know how to help with the AO on supervised visits. I was in a court case with my H#1 for years as he even tried to kill our son and they let him take "classes" and have visitation again. Anything I ever showed on just anger was met with laughter about keeping the kids away.
It all depends on the judge- you need to show more direct danger/neglect to your son than "anger".
It was an ok thing for me to keep the children away from him for a set of time showing his anger until I could get the courts approval or CPS.

Anyhow... don't know if any of this will help. Sorry it has come to this.

Oh- recommended anger course would be anger busters....
or someone who can lead him through the GSR unit to relax.
A lot of that info is in the what to do with an angry husband threads others sent you.

Thanks Elaina,

Yes, if I move I'm still close enough to date. I'd be living very near my parents so I have support with the little one.

We're doing MB counseling at hubby's request.

What did he say about getting into an anger Management program?

I'm going to let that suggestion come from our MB counseling. He brought up doing a few sessions of counseling with MB, I think the suggestion will be better received from them than from me. I sent in a request to try and schedule something for this week.

Hi, PawkiePetunia,

My wife and I did coaching with Steve Harley followed by Dr. Harley's online program - things really did not get better for us until my wife insisted that I couldn't live in our home any more until I stopped having my angry outbursts.

I'd encourage you to be really insistent to whoever you are seeing (Steve? Jennifer?) that you need your husband to address and eliminate his angry outbursts right away!

I used to post here under hopefulnnc if you want to search that.

Timeline-

Started dating April 2007
Moved in together May 2007
Separated February 2008
Continued seeing each other but had separate residences until August 2012
married April 2013
Only child born June 2016
No known affairs after marriage though husband has hidden his porn use, discovered that Dec 2018

DH has a problem with AO and DJ, he has become verbally and emotionally abusive. I�ve consulted an attorney, I�m in counseling, I have a psychiatrist, I just started a new job and need sixty days at that job to show stability for my custody case and to document the abuse. We are suing for divorce 2/1 (May push to Monday for logistical reasons) and I want to do plan b at that time. I�m not sure I�m open to recovering if my husband gets help, but no contact is essential for my well being.

I�ve read the how to plan b thread, are there differences because there is no affair in our case? I don�t have an im I can think of in my life, advice on finding someone?

My retainer is partially paid at the attorney, I�m doing this as soon as we possibly can. I�m suffering from severe depression and anxiety and ptsd from my husband and the condition in our house.

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. You are correct that you need to separate and go to Plan B. Dr Harley usually recommends Plan B after separation - not only in the case of affairs.

Could you please provide a link one of your old threads, so that we can see your history? I'm not very good at searching for posters by name, but I would like to read about what happened when you were here before.