My lovely "once a cheater probably always a cheater" spouse has her iphone and apple laptop passwords locked down tight where I can never get even a cursory glance at them. That said, we're going away in a few weeks and staying in a hotel and it occurred to me that, if I could get in the room first, I could slap a smoke detector cam on the wall and perhaps get a gander at that which she is keeping so private.

She most often likes to text and reply to emails from the bed, so I'd install it on the wall high enough so that it'd hopefully look not out of place. I guess I'd need a downward facing camera in the detector but maybe the wide angle on a forward facing cam could catch it too.

My questions are a/ how feasible do you think this idea is? and b/ given that the lenses on these cams are wide angle, how likely is it I'll be able to actually see what she inputs on her phone or laptop?

One of my fears is that I'll install the smoke detector on the wall using some kind of double-face sticky tape that at some point fails and bonks my spouse on the head, leading her to call the front desk to complain and from there all hell breaks loose.

Any thoughts on the above?

Practice. First, install it in your garage/broomcloset and test it at several angles. Later install it with that knowledge in mind. Good quality removable adhesive is your friend. Don't save money on this one, I gather Tesa can provide the materials you need.

If you see half the password, chances are you can guess the rest. Most people use names of loved ones and pets, or keys that are close together on the keyboard. Most people are quite stupid or lazy in this department. I bet the MB tech guy sighs ans shakes his head when he sees the password I use at this site.

Thanks for the ideas. I went ahead and ordered one from Amazon. I'll play around with it and see if I think it's going to work. One complaint people have is that the lens on these things isn't exactly wide angle, which means you have to be pretty dead on with placement. We shall see!

Hi, Jonah - welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.

Have you seen Dr. Harley's video about infidelity?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi1001_infidelity0.html

I just watched it. It's pretty good. But my marriage is in such shambles that his logical words won't work for me/us. For one thing, my spouse still denies having the affair. And I think by this point, she actually believes that she hasn't. And so we plod on. I should have divorced her right then and there, but dodo that I am, I didn't. So, now, I think she's onto something or someone else. And this time, unlike last time, I want to gather evidence as best I can and then prepare for our own personal End of Days. Hence the smoke detector cam.
Thanks for suggesting the video, though. Interesting perspective on infidelity he has.

Jonah,
Hold on here. It sounds like your spouse has had an affair before and now has some things that are "private" from you?

Dr Harley would advise that there is no privacy in marriage, and on complete transparency from both spouses in a healthy marriage. If your spouse has *stuff* for which maintaining her privacy is more important than staying married, prepare to separate. The simple fact that she *needs* privacy tells you all you *need* to know.

Go ahead with the plan, sounds inventive. Get the info you need to expose this affair but forget the approach that you need to prove an affair. The true approach is that she needs to prove not having an affair, every day that she wants to stay married, you both do.

Lastly, don't dismiss Dr Harley's advice as not applicable. If you do what seems intuitive to you instead of following the Marriagebuilders plan, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt and frustration. Go start on the Basic Concepts and the posts in the Surviving an Affair section of the forums.

I think Jonah's telling us he's planning for divorce, which he's certainly in the right to do. And that might be for the best if she's genuinely having another affair.

If that's the case then it probably is best for him to gather evidence of the affair and expose it to his wife's friends and family in an effort to end it - even if he doesn't want to stay married to her he can have an easier divorce if her affair gets over with, and it's certainly better for any children involved, if they have any.

If she ends her affair and they do decide to recover their marriage it certainly is possible using Dr. Harley's procedures, but only if they both follow it, of course. This is the typical scenario we see here: one spouse wants to save the marriage and the other (often in an affair) doesn't want that at all. Sometimes a man whose wife has had an affair will conclude that she's still having an affair or is having another because of her lack of interest, when it turns out what she really needs is for him to learn to meet her emotional needs and eliminate love busters. A lot of us guys are pretty clueless about that sort of thing and don't realize that there is anything we can do, at least not at first.

If she is having a fair, I have no interest in recovery or staying with her. i am fairly old and don't have the time. Right now, I'm just interested in gathering evidence for what I'm pretty damn sure is going on and, if my fears are confirmed, I will take the appropriate action. My head is basically out of our marriage already; now I just need to get my body to follow, and indisputable evidence, even if not admissible in court, would do the trick.

Unfortunately, we're going to be staying at a bnb in a few weeks, not at a hotel, which makes placement and recovery of a smoke detector cam much more difficult. Not impossible, I guess, but if I don't take it down before the bnb owners clean the room, I'm worried that they'll notice the thing and go, wtf? Plus, I wouldn't want to ruin their walls using double sided tape or sticky-backed velcro.

Hmmm. What to do, what to do. Suggestions, anyone?

Have you thought about hiring a PI? They usually can get you the evidence within a few days.

My sister always takes her CO detector with her when she sleeps in a hotel/motel/b&b/wherever. Too many people die because they don't. You don't need to be afraid to answer questions regarding your own safety precautions.

Test before your stay. Quality materials will do the trick. Contact Tesa or another quality brand which product they recommend. My sis uses Tesa. It is child-proof (sis has kids full of energy) and the plaster on the wall hasn't come off.

goody: thanks for that. very helpful!