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#2902211 09/16/17 01:47 AM
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 1
B
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B Offline
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 1
Hi Everyone,

I have a lot of problems with my marriage. I have read a lot on this site and have had marriage counseling.

Now my wife has banished me to the sofa stating that she will not share a bed with me until I treat her the way she wants to be treated.

There is no trust in the relationship and there never will it seems. She reminds me of this with ways that she talks to me. it had to do with "checking out a woman". Every time we go out she asks me if I'm looking at other women which I am not. It irritates me to the extreme and now I get snappy or try to end the conversation. She has told me on many occasions that she can't wait to get away from me when the kids move out.

I've have changed the way that I talk to her but there are a number of sore spots that I used to go after her. One of the big ones is homeschooling and a bunch of child rearing items.

I think that the homeschooling should stop but because I agreed to it over a decade ago, it will continue. There was one concession on the subject that they would take their highschool diploma remotely. I really don't like it but that is that.

Every night I get very upset about being on the sofa and I can't sleep.

I don't know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Hi bb25, welcome to Marriage Builders. It sounds like you and your wife have developed some pretty bad marriage habits that are wrecking your marriage. We can help you turn this around but you have to be wiling to stop doing things that irritate her. I would start with this:

Quote
There is no trust in the relationship and there never will it seems. She reminds me of this with ways that she talks to me. it had to do with "checking out a woman". Every time we go out she asks me if I'm looking at other women which I am not.

If you are gawking at women, naturally there won't be any trust in your marriage and she will be angry. That is a trust destroyer. You must be doing something that makes her think you are checking out women. What is she seeing?

The second big problem I see is that you get snappy with her when she brings it up to you. How is she supposed to get her complaints resolved? A complaint is an opportunity for improvement in a good marriage and a irritation in a bad marriage. She is trying to tell you something is wrong which needs to be addressed. Apparently it is not being addressed, which is why you are on the couch.

Read this: How to Deal with a Quarrelsome and Nagging Wife

and this: Complaining in Marriage


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
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Originally Posted by Dr Bill Harley, from the article "How to Deal with a Quarrlesome and Nagging Wife"
How to get the ball rolling

Are you married to a nagging wife? Or does your husband ever accuse you of being a nagging wife? There's a simple way to overcome that problem in your marriage, but it will take the cooperation of both of you.

As a wife, you should put an end to demands, disrespect, and anger whenever a conflict with your husband arises. And don't bring up mistakes of the past. Focus your attention on the problem at hand. Offer your husband the opportunity to discuss it with respect, agreeing to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement until it's resolved. And your husband should have the same right to raise issues with you, without you becoming disrespectful or angry with him.

As a husband, you should address every complaint your wife makes with patience and kindness. You should enter into a discussion with her regarding every issue she raises, and do it without any disrespect or anger on your part. If you think that she has so many issues that you feel overwhelmed by them, organize them together and set priorities. Focus on the three that top her list, and when they are resolved, work your way through it.

When a couple fails to resolve their conflicts the right way, conflicts tend to pile up. And resentment also piles up. In those marriage, couples lose hope that there can ever be peace. But when a couple starts to attack the pile with mutual thoughtfulness, the very fact that progress is being made restores their hope. There's no time like the present to begin resolving those conflicts in a way that completely eliminates nagging.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101



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