Hello, I have been reading your post and it was awesome<BR>and inspirational! I would like to ask you for advice on my<BR>situation please. <P>I am 23 years old and my wife will be 20 on june 25th.<BR>we have been married since Nov 6 1999 and it was the date<BR>of May the 8th of this year that she left because she was <BR>unhappy with her marriage. First let me give you some background on our marriage as well. we met in May of 1999<BR>and it was love at first site and by november she was convinced that she had found her soul mate and so was I but I had just gotten out of a long relationship and was nervous about the whole thing but I knew she was the one so <BR>I knew I wanted to marry her. she had been asking me about marriage and said she wanted it more than anything so I <BR>agreed and we got married. well we went on our honeymoon to<BR>hawaii and it was great then we came back and it was great but we NEVER really lived alone we always had roomates and I was still in a party mode and she was ready to move our life forward but me being the stubborn A$$ I was did not well this went on for the entire length of the marriage and we even lived with her mom for some time. you see we never had much time to be a married couple. And finally after all my neglect and partying and inability to act on our living<BR>conditions she left me and said she was not happily married<BR>well I was shocked and horrified because I did love her more thatn any person on this world and I knew she felt the same, but never the less she moved in 200 miles away to a friends house and it is there she has been ever since. I have always loved her and I love my in-laws and they want nothing more than for this marriage to succeed as do I and<BR>now I have realized my faults. I have done a 180!! no drinking, I have found God, I have realized my flaws that pushed her away emotionally and I am in great shape now.<BR>I also stand to finish school as of august 2nd and transfer and finish off my degree. I have also an apatment of my own <BR>and take care of everything independently. I know I have screwed up seriously bad but I have changed for good back to the man whoom she fell in love. but she says she has become someone who she hates the most and needs to find herself. I went down and surprised her on my b-day and we had dinner and played put-put golf and we talk alot about<BR>the marriage and how I loved her and would not give up<BR>she say she does not want a divorce she just thinks she needs time. she says things like " do you think we could go back to hawaii?" and I promise this will be over soon? <BR>and of course we never yell at one another. she always tells me she loves me but we only speak maybe once a week which is no big deal because I have alot of patience but<BR>it hurts so bad and I do not want to lose her! And I have truly changed and realize my ways! I pray every day in hope that this darkness will end but still no light. also when she found out about all my changes " her confusion was<BR>why, why couldn't he have done this before? " for this I have no answer other than I couldn't but I know and thank God for showing me the light even tough it is through a dark and lonely tunnell I just need some advice as to what stage I am in? I always tell her I believe in her and I love her and try to keep the conversations friendly. oh yeah we have a pug and it is the pride and joy of both of us especially her.. and she recently sent it home to stay with me for only 2 weeks but her mom asked her if she was going to come and get her and she said " no I will leave her over there. " this is strange as cessie is her pride and she loves this dog... it is strange and I am in pain much much pain <BR>please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

imhm,<P>It appears that you are doing the right thing, just don't expect her to turn around too quickly. It took a fair amount of time of your errent behavior to overcome her love for you and decide to leave. Live your changes you have made whether she comes back or not. Court her, win her back, give it some time to prove that your changes are permanent. It is very likely that she will once again see you as the person whom she wants to be with.<P>bob

I'm so sorry, Hon, I don't know how I missed this the first time! <P>Sounds like to me that you've taken that wake-up call, as painful as it was, and used it to change your life. EB is right, this is gonna take a lot of time. <P>First of all, these changes aren't really habit for YOU yet, it hasn't been long enough. And she has to see them for a long time in order to trust you again.<P>Keep doing what you're doing; keep working on you and talking with her. I'd say she hasn't shut the door YET and you can still do this. Remember, Robert's affair was going on a long time b/f d-day and he left me a few months after and was gone for SEVEN months! That's not the longest here by any standards, but it does show that these things take time.<P>It seems you're doing fine. If I can help with anything specifically, just post back. I try to check the board a few times each week.<P>Hang in there.<P>Lori