It's been almost a year since H had an A with one of our employees. We've been back together for the past year, went through counseling but it's still not a good relationship. He says the A was a "horrible mistake" and will never happen again. I will always wonder. Don't know how to get back the trust, the intimacy, the respect. I'm truly wondering now why I agreed to go back. At the time I used biblical truths - If someone asks for forgiveness your supposed to forgive. I was also afraid of the unknown without him. Some say time is SUPPOSED to make it better. Well when is that time up? There are still lies told, breaking down trust, no intimacy only financial security. But what is that really worth. As I posted a few days ago, I met a man quite by accident that felt wonderful, new, no past baggage. I never would have thought I would feel the way I do for this man. I asked for direction here and got it, did talk to my counselor and he told me the same thing. I was having an affair of the heart. It would need to end. I had visited with OM only a few times and it was so nice, but it wasn't right in my present circumstances and it was eating me up inside. This OM is a single Christian and really likes the fact that I do have a conscience and don't want to do wrong. I told him I would not call or see him anymore until I made my decisions for what is best for me. He told me he was glad I made that decision and that he would wait. I don't believe my marriage will get better. Isn't there a time when you give it up and go on? I know there are no guarantees in life but I'm wondering what is worse to stay in a marriage that is really only half a marriage because were supposed to honor our marriage vows, or go through the pain of divorce and come out on the other side happy? This OM really awakend feelings in thoughts in me that I had hidden away years ago.

Cagney,<BR>It sounds like you are wanting someone to tell you it's okay to give up on your marriage and move on to this "Christian" guy who is "awakening feelings" you haven't had in a long time. His "Christianity" has not prevented him from getting emotionally entangled with a married woman in the first place, so I would not use that as a description indicating his strength of character or moral values!!!<P>Now that you know how attracted you can be to someone else, you may have some insight into why your H had an affair!!! You are getting needs met by this man that your H wasn't meeting. Your H had an affair because another woman was meeting needs that you weren't. I'm not saying he was right to do it; but because your H did it doesn't make it any more right for YOU to have an affair, even an emotional one.<P>I can't tell from what you've written how hard or what kind of things either you or your husband have been doing in the past year to improve your marriage. Has there been real effort from both of you? If you both have a desire to restore, it can be done. Have you read "Surviving an Affair" or "His Needs, Her Needs?" These would be a good place to start.<P>Someone once told me...you're going to have to heal and recover from the affair whether you split up or stay together. Wouldn't you rather have something to show for your pain and efforts?<P>Just some thoughts!<BR>Calla